Should I Contact My Half Brother?

[thegreens]

Can I have some independent opinions please.
I was adopted at 6 weeks. 20 years ago I traced my mother and found I had (at least) 2 half brothers. My mother was contacted by a third party and was adamant that she have no contact with me. This double rejection seems to be playing on my mind the older I get (now 63). She stated that only her and her parents had ever known about me. She would now be 86 years old and she is not at her last known address. I do have the address of one of my half brothers.
My question is - do I contact my half brother?

[janbee]

I would. It's better to try than to wonder "what if"...

[ummmm]

Could you handle another rejection? If you could then I'd contact him...

[Baldric]

When I was in my 30's my Father contacted me out of the Blue by 'phone, I'd never met him, I told him that as I'd made it that far without his help, I couldn't see any benefit to meeting him an put the 'phone down!

[Elina]

thegreens, where do you want things to go from here? Do you desperately need answers about your mum & you want to go through your half brothers? Will it not cause a lot of upset & questions between your mum & them? I think it's devastating you've had that reaction from your mum & I feel for you. This must be the predicament you're in?

[catswhiskas]

I too was adopted and traced my birth mother, at first she did not want to know, but I sent her a xmas card and then she got in touch.As she lived a long way from me , we never met but exchanged letters , photos and spoke on the phone, this was enough for me , it made things in my life piece together and I was satisfied at that, I have now lost touch again , I think she might have gone into a home perhaps , she would be about 80 ish now.I have also a brother and a sister that I have never met, have tried to trace , but no luck, so yes, give it ago, I wish you good luck with your quest.

[horseshoes]

When you see things like Long Lost Family on TV, it paints a very rosy picture of half brothers and sisters etc reuniting. I met my half sister when I was in my 30s, and while it was very nice to meet her, not to mention like looking in a mirror, I didn 't get that emotional surge of love they portay on TV. We haven't even kept in touch! I also have a half brother; I'm not in touch with him either, and he lives quite nearby (my half sister lives in Italy). I never had them growing up, so they don't really mean anything to me. Good luck whatever you decide, just don't expect too much.

[Prudie]

I agree with exactly what ummmm has said. My mother had wondered about contacting a half brother and sister all her life and despite frequent encouragement from me and my brother she didn't do it until her 80s and then had to deal with finding out her brother had died and her sister was in a coma 4 days from death. If you can deal with it do it.

[whirlyhurly]

Yes go for it "nothing ventured nothing gained". But just remember that "blood being thicker than water" has so often been proved untrue. Best of luck, hope things go well.

[Sqad]

Yeeeeeeea!....why not?

I was adopted......

I contacted my father........he didn't want to know. I can't blame him either.

My half brothers contacted me....we sent a couple of emails and realised we had nothing in common.............and then I lost interest.

No harm.....I suppose.

[Prudie]

I didn't know that sqad......his big loss

[Sqad]

LOLLY..Prudie...no big deal.

It was about 30 years ago when I was in possession of his telephone number and one Saturday night Mrs sqad persuaded me to phone him.We both went into my study and for the first time, heard his voice on the phone but it was a very short conversation.
Mrs sqad burst into tears.
I then explained to her:
Sitting watching football on a Saturday night and the phone rings , a voice says I am your son, do you remember my mother, that nurse you.................yeah! Yeah!
So Mrs sqad cheered up.

[janbee]

Nothing more to lose and maybe, just maybe, something to gain.

[paddywak]

It's a horrible position to be in greeny.If you don't it will always be at the back of your mind,if you do it might turn to be a awful mistake at the worst and at the best you might find yourself with a whole new family.I'm sorry I can't offer any real help but to be honest I don't know what I'd do.

[thegreens]

thanks for all your views. I am considering writing a letter with the return address being a friend so that there is no direct contact at first (just in case there is retribution). I suppose I should let it lie after all these years and I am well aware that the outcomes are not all rosy. I know times were very different then BUT my file does not show any kind of coercion,she was 23 and, knowing the consequences, why would any sensible woman sleep with someone they could not be very sure of?

[soapnumpty]

I would say go for it. Write a short letter and see if you get any response. It probably would be helpful if you could find out first whether your mother is still alive. If she is, her sons may confront her and it could open a whole can of worms as she obviously has kept it from them. If she has passed away they may be more open to meeting with you. Give it a go, as you don't want to live regretting that you didn't try. I helped my Aunt trace her half sister last year (the half sister's Dad had an affair with my nan, producing my Aunt). It turned out the half sister, now in her 70's, had known all along about her Dad's affair and was happy to meet my Aunt. Although it all went well there hasn't been much contact since so just don't expect too much. Good luck.

[pusskin]

Hi the greens. My advice to you is go for it find your half brother , then it may all come together finding your mum and the rest of your long lost family.
My adopted son found me in 2004 after almost 40 years and it has changed our lives around all for the better.
i bless the day he found me as i could never have found the courage to find him. All the family love him and we get on so well whenever we do meet up .