I fancy a short holiday, what minor offences carry a guaranteed custodial sentence

[ServantOfSutekh]

[ServantOfSutekh]

Sarcasm doesn't come into it, I'm serious! I'm sick of breaking my back, paying taxes, to pay for other people who haven't paid bugger all in & then when i lost my job & became homeless, refused help & had my benefits stopped for no good reason!

[mollykins]

people get away with a year or two for manslaughter so unless you only want a couple of days you could get revenge on someone you don't like even if you don't go as far as killing them, then say you'd rather go into prison than pay for bail.

[mollykins]

But then if you're only in for something like criminal damage people'll think you're soft and beat you up but if you go in for beating someone up and you look tough they'll keep clear of you.

By the way this is a windup isn't it, but i can see where you're coming from.

[joggerjayne]

1. Commit any "either way" offence (ie can be tried by Magistrates or Crown Court).

2. Ask for your right to be tried by Jury (so the case goes to the Crown Court).

3. Once in the Crown Court, call His Honour The Judge a "senile old buffoon".

This can hardly be called serious, because it is probably a perfectly reasonable observation. However, you will be sent to prison for Contempt Of Court.

If you are merely chastised, increase your abuse until you receive the required "holiday".

NB. Do not try this in the Magistrate's Court. Technically, one cannot be in contempt of a Magistrate's Court. Magistrates are, quite literally, beneath contempt !

[joggerjayne]

Also, further to molly's point ...

... being inside for calling the Judge a "half witted chutney ferret" will carry a reasonable amount of kudos with the other inmates.

[ServantOfSutekh]

Half witted chutney ferret?
I'm writing that one down!

[joggerjayne]

Yes, you want to avoid places where the showers are dangerous places !!

[ChuckFickens]

That may be one of the reasons they want to go to prison.

[ServantOfSutekh]

It's the free food & accomodation i'm interested in.
The bum sex is just an added bonus.

[sara3]

would you like a "job"? it might pay well.....

[ServantOfSutekh]

Job?

[wolf63]

Did some guy not get sentenced to 6 months for stealing golf balls from a 'pond' on a golf course? A relatively victimless crime.

I used to work for DWP and once interviewed an old guy who lived rough. He said that he had spent the last five Christmases in prison - intentionally getting into trouble so that he had a good Christmas.

[ServantOfSutekh]

That's my point! i have been homeless for over a year yet have received no help with finding accomodation yet every day so called refugees turn up & get it all handed to them on a plate!

[ServantOfSutekh]

You ever slept in a shop doorway?

[mrs.chappie]

Wiz, I'm not saying I don't believe you, but you come over as such a lovely bloke, it is hard to believe that you have spent time in prison. Was it for non-payment of poll tax, or summat daft like that?

(Just tell me to mind my own business if you don't wanna say). [:o)