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Sibling given up for adoption is seeking contact.

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Sandy-Wroe | 10:05 Sat 05th Dec 2009 | Family & Relationships
11 Answers
I've just had a letter from a charity stating that I have a sibling who was adopted. They want to make contact.
Has anyone any experience of a similar situation?


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No....but how curious are you? Did you know you had a sibling?
Question Author
No. I didn't know. I was surprised, even shocked, at the news.
Have you checked out the charity to make sure they are above board?
Question Author
That was the first thing I did. They're kosher...legit.
No, never had this experience, think I would be shocked but also think it would be exciting to find out about them. Keep us informed about what you decide to do. Jean
You have nothing to lose then Sandy,if the charity are legit then why not agree to meet this sibling but not at your home.Don't give out addresses etc at the first meeting (except a mobile number maybe) and then if it all goes pear-shaped you can go back to how things were before.
are your parents still alive to ask?
Question Author
No. Parents are long gone.
I don't doubt that this is genuine. It's just that it's digging up a lot of hurt from a long time ago.
I can partially relate to your situation

I am adopted, and although I have known my real family on my Mothers side since I was born, approximately 15 years ago I decided I wanted to get in contact with my real Father. I know this isn't a sibling thing, but there are similarities.

This caused a lot of hurt in my family, but they were all very supportive, and knew that the day would come when this happened.

A few weeks later I met my real father, and we were nothing but equals. As it turned out, he had been waiting for that day too ever since I was born. We met a few times, but didn't really get on, and we have now lost contact again. I don't regret getting in contact, and I don't regret losing the contact either. I have satisfied my curiosity.

I can't say one way or another if you should allow the contact - only you can decide that, but as you are the one being contacted, you have the 'upper hand' so to speak.

I'm not sure if this has helped you in any way, but I wish you luck in whatever decision you make
I have only the experience of having traced estranged families for people and then seen the way they have handled their new relationships. It is a fact that it is not something that people are emotionally equipped to deal with if the new found relative was not known about. You should go into the relationship with no expectations whatsoever and be prepared to feel and see displayed every human emotion, guilt and jealousy being the most common.
Question Author
I've met her. She's a lovely woman. She had a long and happy marriage, lots of children and grandchildren.

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