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Seeking advice...my boyfriend is living with another woman and won't leave...should I just give up on him?

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Vkilmore | 02:47 Tue 01st Sep 2009 | Family
15 Answers
My boyfriend and I have been together for 10 years. We separated for a couple of months but got back together to work on our relationship in January. During that time of separation he met another woman and began dating her. For a while he dated both me and this other woman at the same time however I was made into the "other woman." I would have to wait for him to be free from hanging with her before he would see me. We do not go on vacation (he only goes with her), we rarely spend quality time together because I work late and he's always rushing back to the city to pick her up from work. Nor do we talk to each other as often as I would like because he spends his time with her and can't pick up the phone or text me back.

He's told me that he loves me and wants to be with me and get married however for the last few months I've asked him to break his relationship off and he promises to do so only to stay. He recently moved from his place into her's without telling me -- actually he lied and told me he was not moving in with her but I found his stuff in my garage. He says he needs to make a change in his life in order to become a better man for me. And that he can be in a relationship with another woman while working on our relationship so that we can be together. He says he doesn't want me to leave him and knows that if the shoe was on the other foot he would have left me but he doesn't know why he can't just be with me. I feel that if he doesn't move this week as I've asked then he really doesn't love me. We've been together for so long and I love him more than anything and it hurts to leave him as a boyfriend and a friend but I know I deserve better. Anything he needs I've given it to him and have sacrificed a lot in life to make him happy; and now I feel angry and betrayed but I still hold a slight glimmer of faith that he is telling the truth and I should wait this out. Someone please tell me what I am afraid to say out loud.

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He is a liar and a cheat.
If you have any self respect, dump him NOW
I am with Mrs_O . Get rid of him.
And remember...being happy is the best revenge.
Are you serious?

He's trying to have his cake and eat it. At the moment he's suceeding....

You're being a doormat...
he's not your boyfriend.
youre his "bit on the side".

If he cant / wont leave her, then youre just a mug for hanging around.

His life is with her
smart bloke - 2 women to layabout with & fuss over him.

You're just the spare - how does that feel?
Like the others have said, he is having his cake and eating it and you are letting him!

He lives with her, goes on vacation with her, won't answer your calls when he is with her etc... it isn't looking good for you is it?

Get rid of him NOW. Even if he did dump this other woman, would you ever be able to trust him again? I know it will be hard after so long together but you deserve better than him.
Leave him, and tell her what's been going on.
i hate to tell you this babes but he is NOT your boyfriend, like the others have said dump the lying cheating barsteward, and blow out that slight glimmer of faith that you have 'cos it's never going to happen .What you should do is build on that anger and feelings of betrayal that you have and that will help you get over him and see him for what he really is and to help you lose those rose tinted specs you are wearing ,also if you feel youself weakening just keep repeating to yourself "HE'S NOT WORTH IT " over and over until you eventually believe it , and yes i've been there
This has got to be a wind-up!
ditto
has she got a pet rabbit?
red...good morning my love.

Don't worry about being a "bit on the side".....there are tens of thousands of "bits on the side" about, so don't feel alone.
You what, Sqad?
You are afraid to tell your boyfriend that what he is doing is wrong. If he really loved you then he would choose you instead of that other woman. You should make him pick who he loves more, you or the other woman. And if he chooses the other girl then he lied about loving you.
After reading what you've written I can only think that you may have wasted 10 years of your life. Either your boyfriend loves you and wants to marry you or he doesn't and his behaviour doesn't seem to be reflecting either that love, or that desire to permanently commit to you. Frankly I think he's just taking you for a sucker and hard though it may be, I'd move his stuff out of your garage, tell him to come and collect it and try and move on without him. So he doesn't want to spend holidays with you? Doesn't that fact alone tell you something? He's been having his cake and eating it for long enough. Time to put him on a diet that excludes you from his calorie consumption! Yes, it will hurt for a while, but in ten years time if he's still betraying you and you're a lot older, it will hurt a darned sight more.

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Seeking advice...my boyfriend is living with another woman and won't leave...should I just give up on him?

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