Children left alone

[yummymum]

i want some opinions please, me and my childs father live apart although you could say we are together (our next baby is due in 5 days). Anyway today i dropped them both off at his house as usual, i then went round to his mums house, i was there about 5 minutes then went, as i drove up the road my partner was crossing over heading towards the shop I pulled over and asked him where our son was he said he was in his house I then asked who was with him and he said he was alone. I couldnt believe what i was hearing, he had left a 3 year old alone in the house, i drove round to his house and let myself in and watched our lad till he got back from the shop, I really was fuming when he got back and I had to walk out so not to argue in front of little lad. when i had calm down a bit I said to him that he was wrong in leaving him and was it something he did a lot, to cut a long story short he didnt see a problem with leaving him as the shop was just round the corner and little lad was watching tv! he then tried telling me i was over reacting and trying to control him and his son.He told me not to bother taking him if i was going to tell him how to look after him to which i asked him if he would ever do it again, he told me if he wanted to go shop and leave him he would and he wasnt gonna take orders from me. I dont think i have much choice but to not let him have him,also after all this he told me he wanted our little lad over night whilst i was in hospital!!!
wht does everyone think?

[Beanmistriss]

One of the girls at work was telling me just the other day that when she was 2 and a half her mum went for a pee and in the few minutes her mum was gone was gone she scaled two child gates, climbed on a cahir, onto the table,onto the worktop and ate some of her dad's antibiotics, some asprin and was just downing a bottle of calpol when her mum came back in. She had to have her stomach pumped. If her mum had "just popped out to the shop" she probaly would have been taken into care or worse. Stand up for yourself and your son cos it only takes a minute for something to go terribly wrong. Good luck x

[Psychick]

Does he not realise it is actually ILLEGAL to leave a child of that age alone?

I hate to say this, but I think you, and your children, could actually be better off without him around.

You are going to do nothing but worry whenever he has the children (Im including the one on the way too) and whenever you need to "discuss" something regarding the children with him, he is always going to use emotional blackmail against you.....ie...start a new family elsewhere.

Please dont hate me for saying this, but he doesnt deserve ANY family, especially you and yours. Not only has he put his son at risk, and who knows how many times this has happened, but he is also causing you unecessary worry and stress that no one needs, pregnant or not!

You almost seem scared of him.....has he ever been violent to you in the past?

As hard as it seems, you need to put you and your children first. I sincerely hope he can be a part of your family, but not at the risk of your children.

Good luck, hope it all works out for the best.

[yummymum]

hi, Im not scared of him in a violent way, he is always saying that when my lads get older he is going to tell them things about me (we have had a few problems and i have done wrong but i think he as done wrong as well, i also went through a very bad patch and i tried taking an overdose) he as loads of things which he says he will tel them when they get older and although everyone around me tells me to ignore him and that the things that went on where not totally my fault i take total blame for us splitting(which he tells me i should) and i guess im scared that he will turn my kids against me so much so that i think i do let him treat me as he pleases and get away with more than he should. Im not planning on letting him have our little lad as i really feel i cant trust him but at the same time i dont think i can totally cut him out. I just feel really down today, i asked him last night if he was still going to be at the birth to which is answer was ' why the F*** would I be' on top of everything else this as really put me on a downer. thanks everyone

[Psychick]

I know its hard, especially with the baby so close to coming, but you need to stop letting him treat you like this.

He may not be abusive physically, but he sure is piling on the mental and emotional abuse!

Call his bluff......next time he says he going to tel your children things when they are older....tell him to go for it and its probably things were hidden from them anyway. Chances are hes only saying these things because he knows he it will get him what he wants.

If you continue to let him treat you like this, and allow your children to see it, in time your children will think its ok to treat you like this too.

It may be best if you make no contact with him, see how long it is before he contacts you. As for tonight, once your little lad in fast asleep in bed, run yourself a nice bubble, relax and pamper yourself!

[yummymum]

Thanks psychick, my little lad is not old enough for him to say anything yet anyway as he is only 3, it just worrys me. I know if it ever came to it i could tell them so many things he as done but I would never go down that route unless i needed to explain to them. Im also pretty honest when it comes to admittin my past mistakes and i feel this would work in my favor because all he ever does is deny he is in the wrong, i know i did wrong by him and have owned up to many mistakes and silly lies I came up with (Ive never cheated on him btw) but i feel im being punished and will be forever if i stay with him where as like i said earlier I let everything go where he is concerned. I wish I could just leave him but its the kids that stop me.I will get my act together soon im sure. Thank you again

[Psychick]

Why do you say its the kids that stop you?

My daughter is 6 yrs old now, I left her father when she was 15 months old as living with had become unbearable and I was pretty much raising her by myself anyway.

My only regret? I didnt do it sooner! As hard as it was raising her alone sometimes, it was the best thing I couldve done for her......and me!

It really isnt always in the best interest of children to stay in a relationship like this. Im not insisting you split with him for good, just asking you to consider all the options and realise no good will come out of this if he continues this behaviour!

[yummymum]

I just feel guilty about him not having his Dad around, when i dont make the ffort he doesnt see him

[Psychick]

A year after I left my daughters father, he finally got the message I was never going to go back to him and decided to have nothing to do with his daughter. He was out of her life for about 3 years.....she totally forgot all about him even though there was still photos about in her baby books and albums.....I never hid him from her. My worry was ....what do I say if she ever turns around and says.....why havent I got a Dad?......what if she blamed me?

I had decided to always be honest with her if she ever asked and offer to help locate him if she wanted to see him. Luckily...i think lol......he made contact two christmas's ago sayong he regretted not being there for her and wanting to be apart of her life.I said I had to be certain he wasnt going to dissappear on her again. I finallly decided to explain to my daughter about him, showing her a photo of him holding her when she was born.

They met, she got to know her "dad"..........then.........nothing.
He did pretty much what I expected. He didnt dissappear, but he may as well have. He has seen three times this year.H e didnt even make any attempt to see her on her birthday back in January! At least this time she is old enough to remember him.

Now all you have to remember is this......

Anyone can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a dad!

Which one is your boyfriend?

[yummymum]

this is the annoying thing because up untill yestersay i would have said he was a good Dad, i feel like im going round in circles thinking about what to do, think i will see how i feel in a few days xx

[Psychick]

Good idea, in the meantime, dont contact him.

Now do as youre told and go have that bath and pamper yourself! lol

[yummymum]

i did have a bath psy'!! im just watching britains got talent and craving mac d's

[Psychick]

Well the mac d I definately cant help you with Im afraid, but I will be checking in on you tomorrow! lol

[Psychick]

Hi yummymum

I hope your feeling a little better and more relaxed today.

Stick to your guns and dont contact him, just spend some quality time with the little lad and put your feet up when you can!

[annie0000]

Even if you take the leaving him alone out of the equation, anyone who would tell their children things that will hurt them just to get back at you is not a good father.

I suspect that that threat and also maybe saying that he would leave him alone again are empty threats. I suspect that whatever has gone on between you before has hurt him badly and he is now just lashing out. We only ever really hurt the people who we care about and who care about us.

IMO I think that you both probably care for each other, whether it is something that can be fixed or not, I don't know - maybe no-one does, the question is, are either or both of you ready to split for good or ready to try again. Maybe the answer is neither for now.

He sounds pretty immature in many ways - the playground analagy of "nah nah na nah nah - I'll just go and get my own ball to play with" springs to mind - it is sometimes easier at the time to do that than to go and sort out your differences and join in with the game again. If you catch my drift.

All the best anyway, and remember, your safety and that of your children will always be the main focus in your life.

[yummymum]

Thank you very much Annie, im taking everything in and having a good think. Psy...Im feeling better apart from having sat in the hospital all morning just to be told i got to go back on monday!Grrrrr and still no Mac'ds...how are u anyway?

[Psychick]

Well Im glad youre feeling better, so is Monday going to be the big day?

Good luck!!

Im not doing so good myself, just waiting for the doctor come out to me :(

Only been waiting two flipping hours so far!!!

[yummymum]

no tuesday is the big day but i have to go for blood test on monday. Whats the matter if you dont mind me asking? i dont envy you waiting for the doctor they can take forever, i tried getting my lil lad in the docs today but they said i would have to wait till tuesday, didnt see point in that as he will probably be better by then, anyway i took him to the chemist where they give me free medicine which i was pleased about, i didnt know they did that...small things do cheer me up! Anyway i hope the doc comes quick xx

[Psychick]

yeah, did you tell your docs you would be busy tuesday? lol
Well, the doc never came out to me...he just phoned!!!

Went through what was wrong over the phone and said to pick up a prescription from the surgery in half an hour for anti biotics and something for the sickness!

IM not exactly sure what is wrong. I woke in the early hours feeling ill. Didnt sleep well for the 2nd night. This morning I woke up with a sore throat, bit of a temperature and aching all over and getting short sharp pains in my stomach!

Im to take the anti biotics for the throat, other tablets for the sickness and paracetamol for the aches!

Oh well, back to bed for me:(

[yummymum]

you know what i hadnt even thought that i wouldnt be able to take him tuesday anyway... haha...i blame it on the pregnancy!

[pussnboots]

When my daughter was only 2 she wanted to go to the park, whilst I was getting ready she pushed her push chair to the front door, stood on it, opened the front door and headed off across the road, all this happened in less than a minute!!!!!!!!!!!!