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problems with step children to be

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xhxmxsx | 15:18 Tue 29th May 2007 | Family & Relationships
8 Answers
i am engaged to be married to the most wonderful man i have ever met who i love to bits but he is having a torrid time with his x over his 2 little girls.
we have the girls for 3 weekends out of 4 and every wednesday, when it isnt our weekend to have the girls his x will ring us up asking usto come over as the girls miss us etc. Everytime we have the children they ask non stop why they cant live with us as they hate their home and their step dad and their half brothers. Since my fiance and his x split up the girls have been moved 7 times they've had 3 different schools and now there is 6 of them living in a 2 bedroom flat. They constantly cry themselves to sleep when with their mother as she normally rings us and asks us why we think they are doing it. the girls complain their mum and step dad do nothing but shouts scream and slap them and are scared of them!

me and my fiance went to a solicitor before christmas and she was very helpful although she said this will be a very difficult case as it will be 50/50%
the girls are 7 and 5 and because they've had such an awful time the 7yr old is very grown up for her age and the 5yr old is totally the opposite and shuts down will not talk etc. The solicitor was talking us through what would happen if we went for residency etc and mentioned this CAFCASS person who would speak to the children, we then expressed our concerns over whether they would speak to the girls before their mother knew as she would blackmail them the way she always has and the girls are very scared, the solicitor said it may be possible.

so my questions are does anyone know if the cafcass person will speak to the girls with only their father's consent??
has anyone been in this type of situation??


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CAFCASS reports are made by very experienced people who should see through any "blackmail"from the childrens mother. They are skilled in talking to children and getting their true feelings about situations from them
Don't worry if the children will be safer and better looked after by being with you and their father the report will reflect this.
Question Author
thanks annlinda, i;ve only ever heard bad things about cafcass but then it has been through people who have lost court cases so they wouldnt be happy.
i have the girls tell me their mum tells them that if they live with us we wont be able to cope and she wont take them back etc then ending up in care this terrifies them and they are so scared.

social services have been called from some other family members even their nan on their mums side but social services have done nothing and never spoke to the girls as she sends them next door or anywhere but at home

why do social services call people before calling round? i never understood that
aah thats heartbreaking, whats wrong with somepeople treating their children like that? I'd deff go for residency, at least then you'll know youve done your best to help get them out of that situation. good luck
You'll probably hate me for saying this but my family have had dealings with CAFCASS and none of us have a good word to say about them. I can't go in to the specificsof the case but the family law solicitor told us before any of us met them that they were all rubbish. The CAFCASS person we ended up with was a middle aged woman who appeared competent. However, in her reports she made dozens of errors including a) spelling all the names wrong b) getting all the dates and places of the interviews wrong (for example she said she'd interviewed my nephew Paul, who she said was called Patrick,at his home on 4th March when in fact she'd interviewed him in her office on 15th March). c) she also made loads of erroneous assumptions and said my niece was devastated by a divorce. This was rubbish - my niece instigated the divorce and threw a party to celebrate.
I could go on and on about this but I don't want to depress you more. Please be warned.
Question Author
thank you all for the advice, going to have to sit down with my fiance and have a proper chat about it.
I don't have much advice to give, but I send you all my best wishes.
I think what you are prepared to do is by no means 'normal', as in everybody would go to such lengths to look after 'somebody elses children'.

You must be a great person, and usually good things come to great people.
I hope this will be true for you!
Question Author
thanks bohne and everyone for your advice, i've been wth my partner for 3 years and i've become very close to his children and they adore me, i pay them attention and do fun things with them where as at home they dont have a childhood, she gets my partners children to look after her 2 new children by her new partner what sort of childhood is that? it breaks mine and my partners heart when we take them home as they cry and scream they dont want to go home, it's so disturbing i just want what is best for them children as it's terrible to see them suffer
hi hun. i went through the same thing with my husband and his ex and son,cafcass only spoke to the child in the presence of his mother and she had primed him on what to say,my children and i were interviewed which felt like an husband was only allowed to see his son once a fortnight for a hour at a supervised contact
center. the ex or myself wasnt allowed in so i waited in the car while she and her family verbally abused me, the family court dragged on for 3 years when eventually no matter what the courts said the ex decided my husband couldnt see his son any more, sadly that was 5 yrs ago, my husband still regularly sends gifts and money for his son but has had no contact, needless to say hes heartbroken, i wish you well hunnie and good luck for the future.

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