Male/female 'jobs'..

[MadMen]

I had a little discussion with my son yesterday, who said he's going to "live at home forever".
I asked him what about when he meets someone and gets married? He said "well she can live here too". I asked what about when they have children? He said "they can sleep in the spare room". Er ok.
He said "when I come home from work, I'll sit down with my laptop and look at the news. My wife can make my dinner, do the washing, iron my shirts, bath the kids and do the cleaning... and I'll be saying get me a beer".

I asked him, seriously, why he thinks a woman should so all of those jobs, and he said "that's what women do".

Now our household has always been fairly traditional. I didn't work for years, and was able to stay at home with the kids and be a housewife - which is obviously where my son gets his views from.

We had a bit of a laugh about it, but it got me thinking, how do you insure that your child doesn't turn into a replica of his sexist, chauvinistic father?
Just thinking about it, but I do pretty much everything for him. He's 11.

[Mick-Talbot]

... which then makes me mad.


Well admitting it is the first step........now get some professional help.
If he makes the bed at his fathers, make him make the bed at home.
11 is still a bit young to ask him to do much else other than keep his room tidy imo.

[MadMen]

BM, you just reminded me of something. The shopping gets delivered on a Monday and I usually take it all out of the crates at the front door and then dump it in the hallway, so the home delivery guy isn't waiting around.
I said to my son, who was sat in the lounge playing on his DS, "can you just give me a quick hand with these bags please, and take them into the kitchen". His response "not really, I'm just doing this. It won't take you long if carry three at a time".

The delivery guy laughed. I was just embarrassed.

[MadMen]

Kiki, it was very much a bit of a jokey conversation, and we were laughing about it, but thinking about it in all seriousness, he really does have those views and doesn't think it's his job (as a boy) to do anything around the house.

[emmie]

the males in the family have been waited on hand and foot, if you want change you have to implement it now. I have often heard that nonsense about well he works. but wives work too, in the home and often at work, so a double whammy. I can't be doing all that, my o/h was a whizz in the kitchen, and i never once thought it was my job or his job just ours.

[MadMen]

I think doing jobs for pocket money is a really good idea. He's always saying he's going to save up for new games, so maybe this will be a good incentive.

I wouldn't dream of asking him to load/unload the dishwasher. He would just look at me like I was crazy!

[MadMen]

Lol Mick. You've already had a best answer today, so I can't give you another one. People will talk.

That's the thing I'm worried about. He is only 11, so I don't want to ask him to start chimney sweeping or anything like that, just to take a bit of responsibility for his own 'area' really.

[MadMen]

em, in the 11/12 years I was married, I think my OH cooked for me twice, maybe three times at the most!

[emmie]

are you divorced, if so not at all surprised. sorry if that sounds bit callous. the o/h was a good cook, and chief bottle washer, he wasn't too proud to do all those things and more. his parents were both hard working, diligent folk who taught their son well, so he was handy around the home as well as being a clever clogs.

[Traci66]

My dad brought six of us alone, we were all responsible for our own beds and rooms, the rest of the house was on a rota, eg. Traci is on utility room, Darren on yard etc, this was changed on a daily basis so we all had to do everything including ironing, two of the children were boys who are now both very good with household chores.

[MadMen]

Lol. No, not divorced.
He was the 'clever clogs' though, so it made sense for him to go to work and me to stay at home with the kids. Therefore, it was me who did everything around the home and with the kids.
He had a pretty Sugar upbringing, so I can't even blame his Mother!

[MadMen]

That sounds very organised :-)

[VHG]

>>how do you ensure that your child doesn't turn into a replica of his sexist, chauvinistic father?

By not doing everything for him, which you are in effect currently doing.

You are reinforcing the sterotype of the wife / mother who does everytyhing for their child / husband.

If he just wants to just throw his duvet on the bed then let him.

It is YOU who wants the bed made properly, not him. By doing it for him you are just making him realise that if he is "bad" a something a woman will come along and do it for him.

If his bedroom is a mess, then leave it. If he is happy to live in a messy bedroom then let him. Tidy it up for him and you are making him lazy and letting him believe a woman will do everything for him.

If he grows up sexist and chauvinistic you will have done your bit to encourage that.

[emmie]

you said was married, sorry i hope haven't said something wrong...

[mccfluff]

why wouldn't you dream of asking him to empty unload the dishwasher?? hes old enough to do that so why shouldn't you be getting him to help

and as for his response to you re: helping you carry the bags into the kitchen, thats not right, he should of been helping you

[MadMen]

VHG, excellent points, but I really do think he would just live in a complete mess if I let him. I will grit my teeth and give it a go though.... starting tomorrow :-)

Em, sorry, I was a bit confusing then wasn't I. I am married yes, just separated/not living together. I think my relationship status falls under: "It's complicated" :-)

[tenrec]

When my youngest was 4 we all had a night to wash up. One day one of the older ones said he was not going to wash up as that was women's work! So he was made to wash up for the whole of that week! He is now in his thirties and helps his wife with all household chores when required.

[mccfluff]

and you should't of had to of asked imo

[MadMen]

Good man, Tenrec! :-)

[Smowball]

My mum and dad were very much as your son thinks, but am trying to not let my son think like that. He is 13 and already knows how to use our washing machine,have taught him to iron. he doesnt often do these things,lol, but at least he knows how to.

[tenrec]

"good mand tenrec". That made me laugh. I'm as much a bloke as you are!!