Is it acceptable for a ten year old to be sharing parents bed?

[icemaiden]

Just had a work colleague tell me that her Son got into her bed last night because he couldn't get to sleep. Apparently he does it alot!

I have an 11 year old daughter and she has only ever slept with me, and only me, twice in her life. Both times because she was ill.

Is it just me that finds this a little disturbing?

[Old_Geezer]

It's a personal decision but if I were the parent I'd be rather disturbed at the need for my child at that age to be so lacking in coping without running to the parent's bed. Sounds like they were being a bit slow at developing the life skills one would expect at that age. Certainly I wasn't allowed to do it, but there again I'd never have considered wanting to run to mummy & daddy, especially not for such a trivial excuse. IMO a caring guidance back to their own bed with a kiss & 'tuck in' is the right thing to do.

[jackthehat]

With all due respect O_G, that's rubbish.......

You simply don't have any idea of the particular 'worries' that this child is having which are preventing him sleeping.
You'd be amazed at the amount of information you can elicit from a child who feels safe in your bed which s/he wouldn't dream of confessing at the tea-table.

[LoftyLottie]

Old Geezer, It's not to do with coping with life skills in my opinion. It's to do with wanting cuddles and closeness and I honestly think that you can't give a child too many cuddles if they want them. They automatically stop doing it when they get older.

My son was away at school at age 11 and at that age was completely self contained and confident.

[LoftyLottie]

I agree Jack (and by the way I see that congratulations might be in order x)

[Sqad]

Old_G....there you have it....you are taking "rubbish"

Sometimes i wonder why one should bother to proffer an opinion on AB.

[Sqad]

Ooops! I missed the "With all due respect "....;-)

[LoftyLottie]

Sqad. It wasn't said or meant unkindly. It's just Jack's way of talking.

[Sqad]

Lofty.....yeah! right.

[Sqad]

trigg....could you please translate?

[Sqad]

Ah! got it....thanks.

[wolf63]

I don't have kids - two cats, a nephew and two nieces who all stay abroad (in England).

We know nothing about this child or his family - I would say that it is unusual for any child of that age to sleep with their parents on a regular basis but maybe for this child and his family it is the way forward.

This childrearing stuff sounds like hard work - parents do the best that they can.

[rockyracoon]

My 12 year old son loves to get in our bed, not very often mind but now and then. I think they feel that they are growing up and just need a bit of 'babying', and I take it where I find it as I know in a couple of years time, kisses and cuddles will be harder to come by.

[anneasquith]

my friends daughter who is 23 years old, sleeps in her mums bed...... because her bedroom is so messy !

[LoftyLottie]

As my son got older he would still come and lay on the bed (not in it!) and we would spend a long time chatting and putting the world to rights. I think girls and Mums have no trouble in sleeping together into adulthood to be honest, but boys seem to automatically have a cut off point. As I said earlier, at 13 my son wouldn't even be happy walking along the street with me - I was so embarrassing apparently!!!

[LoftyLottie]

Our cats have always slept on our bed too and some of the dogs. I just think beds are lovely family things - a refuge!!

[Mamyalynne]

When my daughter comes for a girlie night and sleepover, I tell her I have made up the spare bed with clean bedding.

I then get 'the look' and the words ' But Mummmmmmm' LOL - she is 32.

Sorry darling if you are reading this, your secret is out.

[Old_Geezer]

If there are particular worries the child has then you can talk about them with the child as you cuddle them and tuck them into their own bed. Not discussing possible problems, but letting them stay in your bed instead, would be less helpful. It sounds to me that there may be a risk the parents like having the child overly dependent.