I think you are the total opposite of selfish, to travel so far and have to leave the little one is not easy, to travel so far for a funeral , even if it is your dad and grandad, is alot to take on, it is alot emotionally, physically and financially, there is no reward or pleasure in it other than knowing that you have fulfilled your duty to your dad and grandad. We can all wish we didn;t have to de these things, but not doing them for the wrong reasons is not right.