Adoption ?

[pericat]

Can you tell me if you have experience of adoption or being adopted if it is a good idea for the birth father to have contact. There are 3 choices here 1 no contact 2 letters, photos etc or 3 visits. As an adopted child which is preferable ? Any views ?

[pericat]

I hope so too niallsmama - thank you for sharing your story which is indeed a very positive one. Thank you all it's been good to share - I needed it and I will keep posting

[Nannyjill]

Oddly enough Pericat a friend of my younger son had a similar background and one of his sisters had 4 children by 4 different men and she always said she'd have them adopted and they are all at home with her still (well to the best of my knowledge my son lives abroad now)

It does make it more difficult when people have different views, values and morals (I'm referring to the drugs)than the ones we hold.
Hope you get some positive news soon, at least your husband knows now - must be a relief off your mind - so dificutl to keep things from your partner.

Stay strong and hope you manage to sleep - so hard when you've got things on your mind.

Nialls post is very positive and hard warming and what a fantastic job her parents have done.

[pericat]

Absolutely. My inability to sleep has been well documented over past few weeks but since my husband knows I've been a lot better and luckily we are stronger than ever. Night nanny and all - thank you. There are always people worse off if you go to CB and look under whiffey - I didn't know him but still a shock and god love his family - night night

[pericat]

Just want to add a thank you to sara and the rest of you who 'listened' to me last night - in the cold light of day I am glad to have it off my chest. Thank you all

[sara3]

pericat, are you on Facebook?

anyways, we're all (mostly!) friendly on here, and no doubt I will bend your ear sometime. bet you can't wait ;o) x

[pericat]

I tried to open a facebook account but wasn't successful - bit of a technophobe - but am going to try again as the more I hear about it the more I want it. I will probably be looking for a few pointers. Sara you can bend my ear anytime - I look forward to it. Thanks

[pericat]

Thanks Dixie - yes that thought has been going through all our minds and we've said it but again depending on what happens he has to decide to get a DNA done we cannot decide for him. Believe me I have gone through every emotion and thought possible including wondering how a girl in her twenties with 2 kids already both of whom she initially wanted to have adopted could with the morning after pill etc find herself in this position. Don't get me wrong I am not taking any onus away from my son but he is a 19 year old kid with the maturity of a much younger boy but having said that I can't let it take me over. Thanks for the straight talking - always feel free to do so

[pericat]

I will be bearing all that in mind Dixie. I have told no one else (in the real world) as my daughters know nothing yet and I am waiting for decisions to be made before I decide the best thing to do there. I don't know if I mentioned the due date- it's 24th nov. So you can imagine the shock of it being almost on top of us. Having said all that a lot of young fellas would have run the other way- so at least he is taking some form of responsibility

[caththecrazy]

Hi Pericat

Just read this what a shock for you all, but at least your son has felt he can talk to you. I expect there are alot of lads given his position would have kept quiet.

I'd like to say although I don't want to worry you but if the father of the other 2 children is in prison, is this girl thinking of resuming her realtionship with him when he is released? What will he think towards your son? Could this be the reason she wants the child adopted?

My sister gave a child up for adoption - when she was quite young and at a confused time in her life and to be honest I think it was the best thing she could have done. She had no means of supporting herself. We didn't find out about it until she had put the adoption process into place, although I couldn't have done anything about it as I was fairly young and struggling myself.

I think about the little girl often but am comforted by the fact that she ahs made the life of a coupleso very happy and complete.

It's a hard decision all round. Hope all will be ok.

[pericat]

thanks cath - that is something I worry about but as I do not know the people involved I have to put that to the back of my mind or I would go mad. It's good to hear adoption stories like that

[pericat]

had a wee bit of a glitch today - there was a guy here setting up sky hd and he noticed a mark on the telly and said to us - have you any grandchildren as they are covered for TV damages. For a moment or two you could have cut the air with a knife. I'm sure there will be lots of moment like this

[caththecrazy]

Oh Pericat that must have been hard. I expect from now on you'll come across other such comments and hear conversations along the same lines.

It always seems to be when something is praying on your mind - you're surrounded by the very same thing if you know what I mean.

Hope you have a good weekend

[pinktwink]

well peri seems a lot of tough decisions. I work with children who are fostered and parents who foster, adopt and those that give up their children. It is not an easy decision for any of the, One thing for sure is that most of all of these children have a wish to know about their family of origin and why they were adopted. ?In the interest of a child and thir identity an open adoption is much better where there can be photos and visits.
I hope everything works out. Also perhaps a family member of either side may wish to adopt the baby as it is always in the best interest of children to grow up in their birth family if at all possible. In sayoing that there are very good adoptive parents out there only too willing to care for a baby

[pericat]

On our side there is no one to adopt - as my other 2 kids are 12 and 16. I don't feel we (my husband and I) could do it and anyway our son lives with us so it's too close. I don't know the mothers family only what I know of them. When you say an open adoption which do you mean - visits or letters? We are in Dublin so you would probably be more aware of that side of things in ireland. Any other information I would be glad of it - thanks for input

[pinktwink]

well I work in Dublin. The best thing to do is contact one of the adoption agencys
http://www.adoptionboard.ie/info/contacts.php

when the child is born it will be placed in fostercare until the adoption is finalised. Open adoptions are where there is postal contact as in letters photos etc once twice a year, Check this link
http://www.pact.ie/v2/index.php?page=domestic-adoption-services if you want more info let me know

[pericat]

Thanks pinktwink - he was at a meeting with an agency last Thursday and we have loads to read. If I have any questions I will pass them on to you - appreciate it

[pericat]

For anyone who was looking at this post the other day - my son has just told me its a boy - its getting more personal and its very hard

[caththecrazy]

Reality is kicking in now - from the baby to he - it is hard - don't envy you.

How is your son?