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Break Up/Another Mans Child

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dave12020 | 06:41 Sat 29th Nov 2008 | Parenting
9 Answers
I've recently broken up with the girl of my dreams. I've been with enough girls to know, she's the one i want to spend the rest of my life with... Since she left, I've been tring to get back with her, things were going well. Just when I think I'm getting somewhere, she drops a bombshell... SHE'S PREGNANT!! She had a fling with a guy shortly after we broke up, accidents happen... It hurts to know she's been with another man so soon after leaving me, but she tells me she's 99% certain that she'll get rid of it, so maybe things will still be ok I think... But then, a week later, bombshell number 2... SHE'S KEEPING IT!! Ouch. I'm in pieces, my head is all over the place! What do I do!? Do I continue trying to get back with her? Do I just remain friends with her? Or do I tell her where to go and get the hell out!? If I was to get back with her, and help her raise this child, I know it wouldn't be easy... What if every time I looked at this child it reminded me of these last couple of months, the worst months of my life! Thats not going to make for a healthy relationship... I dreamed of having kids with her, so how can I bring up another mans child with her!? If I remain friends with her, again there's the constant reminder of these last couple of months. If I ever move on and find someone new, remaining friends with an ex whom I love SO SO much will certainly lead to trouble with any new relatioship... So that leads me onto the final option - cut all ties and get the hell out!! I know that this is the most logical option. Forget about her, move on, meet someone new and live happily ever after. But it's not that easy! I love this girl so much, despite her flaws, I know she's the one for me. I cant imagine being with anyone else and it would hurt me so much to tell her that I never wanted to see her again. I just cant bring myself to do it, but I know deep down that this is surely the way forward. Isn't it!? Help!


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if you really love her, then its a case of accepting her for who she is, warts and all! does she feel the same way about you? it seems it didnt take her long to get over you and as a result from having unprotected sex, a baby is being brought into it. i guess you can talk to her, see if you can work things out, and if you make a go of it and accept the baby, ul have to leave the past in the past, its not fair to the baby if you feel resentment towards it, after all, it didnt ask to be produced. and also there is a 1% chance it COULD be yours. maybe have some time apart, being single can be fun lol, and see what happens then. Good Luck ;-)
I would be very wary. Why did you break up in the first place?.. Are you sure she is not coming back to you for security at a time that she is feeling low, and then when her self asteem comes back, she could leave you, but you would already be involved in this poor babys life...
I would think very hard about the reasons for the break up.. If it was her saying she wasnt in love with you, then chances are she still isnt.
I obviously dont know the full story, and I could be totally wrong, (I hope so for your sake) but my view would be to try and move on. Sorry if this isnt what you wanted to hear.
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She left me over silly things. We had a really good chat about things today. She says she regrets leaving me, she still loves me, and that she wishes the baby was mine.

I told her that i could no longer be a part of her life. I told her that I needed to get over her and move on and that it would hurt me to much to see her bringing up a child whom I wished was my own. This didn't go down well, she refused to accept that I was walking out of her life.

She's now texted asking if she got rid of the baby, would I consider getting back with her. I told her I would, but that it would have to be her desicion.

Im now worried about what happens if she does get rid of it and we get back together. Is she going to end up regretting it and feeling resentment towards me? Is she always going to be thinking 'what if?'
i think your life is going to be too much of a rollercoaster ride with this girl and that you should probably walk away. The pain will gradually subside which will be less painful than a lifetime in a difficult relationship.

You're in a no-win situation. If she aborts the baby and you get back together she could become resentful of you and being it up every time things get difficult. If she keeps the baby it's always going to be there as a reminder of what happened and could cause problems.

If you can't cope with just being friends and feel it will cause problems in any future relationships you may have, make a clean break and sever all ties with her until you are over her.
If she wanted to keep the baby and she gets rid of it to keep you she will come to hate you. Even if you havent asked her to do it, but she thinks she should. Everytime it would have been the baby's birthday or around the time it would have walked or talked etc etc she will resent you a little bit more. It would split you up in the end anyways and cause a lot of pain along the way. If you know she really wanted to keep it and got rid of it for you, I imagine her sadness would make you feel guilty that also would eat away at your relationship,

As vics said, think about why you split up. You can love someone with all your heart but if you don't make each other happy it'll never work, or you will end up miserable as @rse.

Please don't let her think that by getting rid of her baby you will stay with her and it will all be fine. It won't.
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Im pretty certain she doesnt want to keep the baby, but she says she will feel like a murderer if she got rid of it.

Her parents are there for her, and her Mother is now excited about getting her 1st grandchild. Because of this, I think that my ex would feel she is letting them down if she changed her mind, and got rid of it.

She was in hospital last night because of a miscarriage scare, whilst she was waiting until this morning for a scan to confirm if she had lost the baby or not (she didnt lose it), she was pretty certain she had lost it and told me she knew it was for the best, and that she wished things were back to how they were before.

If she was 100% sure that she wanted to have the baby, surely she wouldn't be saying stuff like that!? I'm so worried that she's going to end up regretting having the baby, but I dont think I'm the best person to attemp to help her see sence! :(
This girl sounds like she doesnt know what she wants...if I were you I would take a step back and let her come to her own conclusions and you to of luck!

aww bless you are in a siuatoin arent you!

no offence but its a bit harsh the way you say you were happy when she was going to "get rid of it" its a baby and despite the circumstances between you and her the baby should be given a fair chance. ( sorry )

anyway i do feel for you, i certainly know for a fact i couldnt do it, if my partner got someone else pregnant while we were on a break or split up and then we got back together i couldnt do it, i would resent the child! i know that makes me sound like a cow but im being honest, you have to be fair to the child, if you think you would resent the child dont get back with her, me and my partner have a little girl and a baby on the way, he has a older daughter from a previous relationship 2 years before i met him and i find it hard and always have to bond with her, so i know i couldnt do it if it happened while i was with him. but thats my fault and would be up to me to be the bigger person and say no i cant do it,

its up to you, its your desicion to make whether you stay or go, if she keeps the baby you have to be 100% sure you can do it, seriously or it will drive you mad for years and its not fair for her the baby and certainly not fair for you as you arent the one that caused all this.

good luck, hope all works out for you x
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