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4yr olds behaviour

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Eeeek | 17:19 Fri 26th May 2006 | Parenting
3 Answers

Hi everyone I wonder if you can help me? My daughter goes to nursery (within the school she will go to from next year) full time and from about 3pm onwards the kids from the school join them for after school club. My daughter is very confident and outgoing and I have no problem with her mixing with these kids but recently she is becoming a bit cheeky, mentioning wil lies and generally saying no/answering back etc. She will be 4 in August and I am just curious how to deal with this and whether its normal for a child of this age of whether she is being influenced by the older girls.

As a separate issue when I collected her yesterday she wouldnt come home with me so after a few polite and a couple of stern warnings I physically picked her up and carried her from the building. She screamed, kicked, scratched and gave me cheek the whole way home and although I know she was very tired I wanted her to know this is unnacceptable but she just doesnt seem to listen. she spent last weekend with her grandparents so i am curious whether she was just trying to re-establish boundaries and i should let it go to a certain extent or whether i should have "punished" her. I was really upset by the whole thing but just feel a bit out of my depth at the moment. I also shouted at her and told her to shut up after 30mins of screaming and i am so disappointed in myself for doing that, I know it was an awful thing to do but I was at my wits end.

I am really sorry to waffle on but any advice etc would be very much appreciated. x



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i think perhaps you should have a chair or beanbag in a quite corner and put her there when she is naughty, try not to shout or get into a argument with her just put her in the designated p;lace for 4 minuites, its really hard to do this but it will work if you remain strong, dont forget to give a warning first then if she persist carry out the actions. she'' soon learn but dont forget lots of praise when she does as you tell her.

Kids always picks up new & undesirable words when they start mixing with older children. Both mine did when they started school. When she says words that are not acceptable to you, tell her that you do not like that word and would prefer her not to use it or that it is a rude word.

At some point the argument will come back that so & so says it, so why can't she. Again explain that it is a rude word and you do not want to hear her say it. Also explain that different families have different rules and even if it is acceptable to another family it is not in yours.

In our house, wil lie is an acceptable word providing it is spoken with reason and not just to get a reaction, afterall it is a commonly used name for that part of the body. The new one from my son is 'oh , that hurt my nuts!' and my daughter's is 'Bum'. We did have a spell just after starting school when really bad language was coming home, I explained that it was rude and not acceptable to say the words and after a couple of slip ups they don't say them (at least not in my hearing anyway).

When your daughter did not want to leave and did not listen to reason, you did the right thing to pick her up to take her home. I think she was testing boundaries, mine are similar after spending time with grandparents. I've shouted at my kids before, after we have all calmed down I do apologise and tell them I should not have spoken that way, but I do also explain to them what was wrong with their behaviour, or there if was any other reason for mine (I had PND and occasionally it resurfaces).

Anyway, I hope I have helped.


Eeeek, i agree with devilwoman about 'time-out', but it may mean that you have a few weeks of the screaming abbdabs from your daughter and that you may have to keep putting her back to the 'time-out' area. Tell her that your not happy with this behaviour and that you want her to things or say things differently.

Try exchanging the words that you dont like for words that are acceptable for you eg. change bum to bottom, try saying it in a comical way so that the fun of embrassing you has now been passed over for a joke.

I want to say 'Try and give her a reason to behave' but i dont believe in rewards as such, but if her behaviour coninues to follow that way, try giving her something to do when she gets home eg, help with the washing up or is allowed to watch some of her fav DVD etc - u have to do what is best for you and your daughter - u know her best

good luck xxx

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