help me!!

[new mom ere]

i am 6 months preg now, and i want to know what rights the dad of my baby has because we dont really get on?????

[tigilou]

Are you married? If not he does not have any rights at the moment if you were to put his name on the birth certificate he would automatically get parental responisibility if you don't he doesnt legally have any unless he applies to the court if you don't want to put him on then you have to think along the lines of maintenence and things like that as if hes not down as the father this could be hard to obtain. Good luck

[laurence2]

tigilou, Don't quote me on it, i believe to claim benefits you have to name the father/have prove etc, tho not 100% sure

[twinny_15]

To the best of my knowledge you can't put the father's name on the birth certificate if you are not married without him being present.

[noxlumos]

If he's remotely dodgy then don't put his name down as it gives him automatic parental responsibility and could potentially cause you havoc in future. With regards to benefits, they may well ask you who the father is but if I were you and you didn't want to name him I'd put up with a moments embarassment and say you don't know anything about the father except his name was "Chris" or whatever and you met him at a gig and he was a one night stand. The CSA etc have had to deal with scores of those. You can then plan later what to do about supporting yourselves once you've actually had you baby ( assuming you need to claim benefit that is). There is a lot of help for single parents out there , if you decide to go it alone take all the help you can get initially until you find your feet. Good luck.

[daisydaisy]

you do not need to name the father to claim benefits. however the csa will be determined to find out so that they can pursue maintenance money for you even if you do not. you can only get out of having him pursued for maintenance if he poses a threat to you or the baby in any way. if he is to pay up through the csa this does NOT give him any rights to see or contact you or the child. in fact the csa will never disclose your details to him. if you are not married or living together there is little input he can have really. the fact you don't get on is fair enough but is he a threat i.e. violent, abusive etc...? you just have to consider that your child will be losing a parent and weigh up the pros and cons. difficult i know

[mycatis]

Putting his name on the birth certificate does NOT give him parental rights. Unless you are married he has to go to court to get parental rights. The benifit agency will ask you who the father is, all you have to do is tell them.

[Whickerman]

Sounds like you 'got on' just fine. Live up to your responsibilities and give the kid a dad.

[noxlumos]

Assuming he's fit to be one Whickerman, life's not all like "The Waltons" you know, some men ( and women) are a menace and if he's one then this girl shouldn't be saddled with him for the next 16 years. A good single parent is worth it's weight in gold compared to dual parents with a bad relationship.

[tigilou]

Hi again new mom just wanted to say noxlumos is right so if you wanted any advice to follow follow his. As for daisys comment from a personal point of view the CSA have not bothered tracing my daughters dad. And also the law changed a little while ago if you are not married and the father is present at the registry office he DOES get PR automatically if hes not there his name in the little box gets left blank. But honestly noxlumos has got the know. Good luck anyway

[dilf]

listen noxy i dont care if the father is fred west if he is the father his name should be on the birth certificate cos its a fact, why should the mother get that power. she could be myra. and as for wether you should base your decsion on benefits shame on those who would let that influence them. if he is a p*ick let the courts decide. the birth certificate is a statement of fact. what if he is a normal bloke who did no more than split with a woman. not all men are monsters as a matter of fact the vast majority of them are loving fathers and thats how they should be judged, just as all single mothers are not spiteful bitter women with a grudge.

it should be illegal not to put the farthers name on the birth certificate if you know who he is. give dad a chance im sure your kid will love him

[noxlumos]

dilf, As the father of 7 natural children and one stepchild I appreciate where you are coming from and when I split from my first wife I got custody of the kids because she didn't want them,(she wanted the house, the car and the money in the bank accounts) so I'm 100% aware that not all women are lovely fragrent things full of happy thoughts without a bad bone in their bodies.However I stand by what I said not the least because during my own childhhod my father beat, burned and tortured me, fracturing my skull and causing brain damage, the affects of which I still live with.

This young lady new mom ere, is clearly worried enough about having to have any contact with this man to post on a site to a load of people she doesn't know, so as it's her I'm advising ( not the baby's Dad), I could not with a good conscience tell her to do otherwise.If this man is a monster she has the power to exclude him from her life and the life of her child, if he's not I hope she is responsible enough to allow her child to see him because that child will surely benefit from having a Dad ( but only if he's a good one).She has a massive responsibility here but as long as she is sensible and reasonable he shouldn't suffer because his name isn't on a birth certificate, it just ensures that he can't make her life a misery automatically whenever he feels like it.

[dilf]

my father was a great dad [cr*p husband] and he was constantly trying to tell me to listen to other peoples opinions even if i dont agree with them, it seems to me ive been and gone and done it again, im humbled noxy, me and my mouth. im not saying i agree but i was wrong to dive in and regard others opinions lesser than my own. im going out tonight with tw*t written on my forehead. noxlumos 1 dilf 0. ill be back

[noxlumos]

dilf, don't worry mate, in an ideal world I do share your opinion, it just struck me as a genuinely worried question and I always reackon to err on the side of caution in any event if possible:)