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teenage smoking

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JOLLYLASS | 13:52 Mon 03rd Oct 2005 | Parenting
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I'm sure I am not the only parent in the world going through this crisis at the moment.  My teenager has always been so against it but is now puffing away with her mates. Money is also going missing from the house- presumably to pay for this disgusting habit. Has anyone got any help/advice or even a helpline to ring would be appreciated. I am feeling helpless and depressed.

thanks in advance

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Awwww I fell for you :-(

Sadly you really can't do a whole lot here! Only thing I can suggest, which is what I did, is to take a photo of your daughter (if she's underage) into all your local shops and state she's underage and request they dont sell them to her.

The above, however didn't work with my daughter. If their friends do it, they'll continue to do so.

Hopefully it is something she'll outgrow.

Good Luck!

I sympahtise deeply with your plight, but as BOO suggests, there is little of any practical use that you can do.

Sit your daughter down and tell her that she must be aware of the daners of smoking, and apart from being dangerous, it is anti-social and expensive.

Next, advise her that any item of clothing in your linen bin that smells of smoke will be placed in the dustbin - and carry out your threat.

Finally, tell her that you know she is taking money from you without permsiision, this is theft, and you will not tolerate a thief in your home. The next time money disappears, so will her privilidges - TV, pcoket money, any treats, which can escalate as quickly as you want to include withdrawal of food, bathing facilities and so on.

Sounds harsh? Of course it is, but this is the push / shove regime where children learn that they cannot behave as they wish in the big wide world, so it's a lesson they might as well learn at home before they get there.

Reassure your daughther that you love her as much as you always have, you just don;t love some aspects of her behaviour, which worry and hurt you, and you are acting in a way that will make her realise the seriousness of what she is doing. Alwyas be willing to talk, and listen, do NOT get involved in shouting matches, and stick stick stick to your guns as hard as it will be - which is really really hard.

Repeat as often as necessary - "Be nice, I'll be nice, be nasy, I'll be nastier ...."

Good luck!

Your daughter may not even enjoy what's she's doing but peer pressure at this age can be very strong and kids don't like to be seen not conforming to the norm.

I totally agree with Andy's advice.  Get tough and don't feel you have to apologise for doing so.   It's your house and if money continues to go missing threaten to contact the police.  If money notes go missing, put a circle round the identification numbers so you can recognise them.

Try and find some really good literature and graphic pictures about lung cancer and leave it in her bedroom.  Also , I suppose you could always threaten to send her away to boarding school where her habits would be closely supervised and she would be away from the bad influence of her friends.   The thought of that might cause her to reflect and decide it's not worth the continued fight against parental authority.

any hughes, you is a baaad ass. I like it!!!
hi JOLLYLASS  I only echo all the above posts,don't give up and stick to your guns.  Just one small thing I would like to share, like your daughter I started smoking with my friends while at school and how I wish I had not.  I am sure most smokers would say the same, they wish they had never started. Nobody ever sat me down and told me what an addictive habit it would become,  how it would affect my health or wealth !! Most young people beleive they can stop at any time and of course they are not 'hooked'. It is so very easy to become addicted to tobacco and so very hard to stop it.   Good Luck to you both
I just finished High school last year, and i found that whilst most of my friends started smoking aged 14 or so, they had basically all stopped by the age of 18, hopefully its just a phase thing.

However i think the bigger problem is the stealing of money.

When i used to smoke i just used to tell my parents it was other peoples smoke which was stuck in my clothes making me smell, and pubs and clubs, don't help you detect it.

one fact i found out from most of my guy friends, - a girl smoking = probably the most unappealing thing she can do, tell her that, that certainly scared me, lol.

good luck
Question Author
Thanks for your advice everyone  its so hard to keep my cool though....especially about the missing tenner  I Mean if she steals from us now  whre will it lead? I'm hoping that we have brought her up well enough not to steal from other people. shes 14 by the way. We are also a non smoking household.  We have a weeks holiday soon so hopefully She will be smoke free for a week.
Hi I had the same problem with my daughter at 15 she kept saying they were her friends, we are a non smoking family as well, there is not much you can do, even talking to her it goes in one ear and out the other, my daughter stopped at 17 and now my 15 year old son has started, like you I thought going on holiday would stop him, but I found out from his brother he was smoking there as well, some-one even offered him weed, luckly he had the sense to say no and get away quick. There is a good website raisingkids.co.uk they have lots of good advice for parents try them. A lot of kids try smoking just to be in with the crowd I did as well, but when I left school I stopped. Good luck. Ps I got a cash box with a key to keep my money in.
Question Author
Thanx Liza b i will look at that website now.  The money box is also a great idea.  I hate having to hide money all the time in my own house though.

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