son with canabis

[scarymary]

my 16year old son has been either selling or smoking canabis, i cant control what happens when is out with his mates but told him i dont want it in the house. he keeps saying it only weed !  Any advice from abers should i kick him out ?

[taemoon]

Let him make a choice- either he stops bringing it into the house or he has to leave. That way he cant moan because its his choice and your respecting the fact you cant control what he is doing out of the house.

[fishbait]

high, although weed has been declasified i feel no long term research has gone into the side effect of long term use. I smoked the dredded weed for 14 years giving up last christmas. although i suffered no problems whilst using canabis, holding down good jobs and functioning perfectly well in normal life i have suffered with paranoid stints that have made my life hell since quitting.

Let your son find out for himself it could be worse he could be drinking?? i would however try and educate him in the side effects of long term use. i smoked every day and now am facing the consequences. Dont how ever believe that canabis use will lead to other stronger drugs. i never felt the need to try anything else in fact getting of the house was sometimes a misssion and a ahalf. 

 its tough being a parent in these modern times goodluck.

[billyshears]

If he's selling it he's a dealer. Take a look at the FRANK website for more info..... i.e. jail sentences and not being able to visit certain countries with drugs convictions. It may only be weed NOW, but it could do more damage, in the future, than simply damaging his health.

[witchone]

i strongly agree with billyshears, it might be only weed now, but face the future and the next fews years whilst he tries everything else. Please either you phone or make him phone FRANK 0800 776600 now. 

Also if he is smoking weed and maybe selling it, the dealers dont really care about what he does, they will pressure him into something stronger and harder. Because for the dealer above your son, they need to make sales. it like the pyramid sales problem. Mr big sits at the top. untouched, he has 3 main sellers, who each have 3 main sellers, etc etc etc, they want money, eventually it means people being encouraged to move to harder and more expensive stuff that is more addictive, which could end up in a couple of hundered pound a day habit.

i have seen a drug habit eat away at a good friend of mine, that started on weed, about two fags a day it became about 10 a day at her worse, and she also experimented with tablets at that stage, it took 3 months to get her clean and free, which is good, but dont hide the truth from your son, explain what it can do to then, what the consequences are for doing it, memory problems, behaviour problem, wetting themselves in their sleep and awake and in public,bad behaviour acting weirdly and having their friends laugh at them and then take the mick for the next six months, also what occurs is dementia in old age (they screw and fry their brain). Plead with him, cos nobody else will help him until its too late nowadays, and if he has a real drug problem, if he is trying it or dealing he will become addicted to it, talk him out of it now, Please, cos i saw my best mate distroyed by it for nearly a year and now even 2 yrs later she isnt right.

Please talk to your son, get help for him push everyone you come up against they will tell you they cant help, but push them they will.

[andy hughes]

It's human nature to take the sting out of our actions by prefacing them with "It's only ..." to minimise them.

The issue of the dope is not at the heart of this - it's your son's disrespect for you, and your values - it doesn't matter if he leaves take-away cartons all over the living room floor - the principle is the same -

My gaff, my rules - leave it our, or move out.

The issues of health and criminality can be addressed, but let's get this fundamental situation sorted first. 

Family life is a microcosm for liofe in the big wide world - people make rules, you have to conform. Learn it now in the sanctity of the family home where people love you - don't wait for wider experience, where the consequences can be a lot worse than a few long daces and slammed doors!

[georgit79]

Just to butt in- this has nothing to do with your question, I'm afraid, but my brothers' mates call our mum scarymary too!

[miss_chase]

I agree with the others re your house, your rules - i don't let people smoke in my house (normal cigarettes) cos i don't like it and people respect that whether they are 19 or 49. but i wouldn't kick him out unless its a final straw - if he ends up homeless he is surely more likely to go into other drugs.

One thing that I always tell the kids i teach is that the law in this country is not consistent. If he is caught and the police and judge decide to 'make an example', he could end up with the harshest sentence even for possession. and even if his mate was let off for exactly the same thing... he needs to be aware of this risk...

good luck - maybe try turning it back to you in discussions rather than accusing him eg 'I don't want weed in the house, it is your choice whether you smoke it and i know you say its only weed but i have a problem with it and so i don;t want it in the house.'

[billyshears]

Witchone's reaction to my posting should really have been taken in context of the subject PRIOR to his/her outburst. My reference to "only weed" is taken from SM's son's remark. It was NOT my own personal view of the severity/seriousness of using cannabis.

[twiglet4frog]

declassified or not its still illegal, a group of 16 year olds were arrested in lincolnshire smoking cannabis and are facing trial now, police only turn a blind eye to it if it is in the privacy of someones home and it is a small amount for personal consumption only, NOT if it is taken openly in public or there is a belief it is being dealt!

Maybe only weed but might cost him a career, long hardship with community service and who knows what health damage!

[petekeith]

People will say it leads onto stronger drugs it may it maybe not my best friend has been smoking weed for 20 years and would never try anything else.
But if he is dealing then you have a problem I know all you want is the best for him and dont tell me he would say dont worry i to clever to get caught.
The best thing i would do is try to find stories in newspapers and mags that show dealers who have got caught and gone to prison saying to him all these people thought they were to clever like you.
I hope you get this sorted and look at his friends are they pushy or do they go on every word he says, i.e is he the leader.
Good luck anyway

[simsfreq]

I don't know whether you could perhaps get him to read all the responses form everyone on this website? I'm 17 and when my mum was my age she used to smoke weed, I promised her I would never even try it or any other illegal drug... I didn't keep my promise, I have tried it. I don't know if I would do it again, though, seeing a friend of mine getting sucked in I might be able to avoid that. She started off saying she only smoked weed when she was drinking and with friends who were also smoking it, she was completely adamant about this. I believed her. Now she uses regularly. I don't know whether to believe her when she says she wouldn't try anything else... it's scary, it's so hard to watch a friend slowly killing herself and not being able to help.

[billyshears]

Back to the original question, "should I kick him out?". He's 16 and he's your son. It's your call, but that kind of decision should be taken in the light of how you see the situation developing when he's out there without your influence/guidance/monitoring. If you think that you can do a job on him while he still lives under your roof, then stick with it. He's 16 and he's your son. While he's there, you can - at least - talk to him. If he refuses to listen, you can talk to Parentline Plus 0808 888 2222. Free call, 24 hours a day. Keep the dialogue going, and things will change. In the meantime, make sure you're also looking after yourself.

[curiosity]

Cannibis use in young people whose brains aren't completely developed (up to age 22) can cause schizophrenia or psychotic episodes. I have posted in other questions stating that 66% of the young lads using our mental health service with a psychotic illness (and ruined life) are cannabis users. You might find some into for him from the Youngminds website. Please stop him this is serious for certain vulnerable people, and is starting to become more widely known. Cannabis is not an innocent drug for young people, trust me.

[scarymary]

 i have decided with my 16 year old (nearly 17) to pack his things and he can go. He will most probably run to his grandma/dad.  He will not have half the home comforts and freedom that he has had here but maybe this attitude of mine has lead him into this very fashionable drug of choice for young people.. I have tried to talk to him and allow him to stay but his attitude is i can do what i want and to stop nagging him, maybe he will have to learn the hard way. thanks ABers for your comments and advice very very helpful.

[b13thy]

No don't kick him out - its your son. If you want to know what your children are up to then you need to maintain a level of trust and kicking them out will not achieve this. I smoked cannabis from age 14 and it developed into a serious habit that nearly ruined my life - if my family hadn't been there for me i wouldn't have made it.  You need to keep him motivated into doing something like college or a job so that he's not smoking all day and i promise that at some point (its taken me 10 years) he will find something else to occupy his time and he won't smoke anymore