Law1 min ago
daughters and sons
17 Answers
There seem to be a drift developing between my family, my daughter who was once my best friend is now little bit cold towards me and I feel lonely and sad that I am loseing my best friend. She is fed up of all the problems I have had tp deal with ..... my son and a abusive husbend... a house that needs repairs and a lack of funds... I work for nothing I am trying my best to keep things together but sometimes her coldness makes me say thing to her... she is in her early 30's single getting married soon I am in my late 60's - what should I do???
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Could it be that she feels you are so caught up in your own issues that you aren't getting properly involved in the major event in her life - her wedding.
Please don't take this as a judgement, I have no idea if this is the case or not, just making a suggestion.
You've obviously got a lot to deal with at the moment and at times like this it's easy to lose sight of what others are going through. If your family is as divided as you say it is that will be putting a lot of stress on your daughter as regards wedding arrangements. If you are going through a rough time with your ex/husband maybe you complain about how you wish you'd never got married - the last thing she needs to hear right now. If her and her partner are paying for the wedding maybe she feels guilty and frustrated that she can't give you more financial help right now.
Next time you see your daughter, try to focus on what is happening with her and let her know that you are happy for her and be positive.
Again, i stress that theses are only suggestions based on the very little I know. Sorry if I've misunderstood anything.
Please don't take this as a judgement, I have no idea if this is the case or not, just making a suggestion.
You've obviously got a lot to deal with at the moment and at times like this it's easy to lose sight of what others are going through. If your family is as divided as you say it is that will be putting a lot of stress on your daughter as regards wedding arrangements. If you are going through a rough time with your ex/husband maybe you complain about how you wish you'd never got married - the last thing she needs to hear right now. If her and her partner are paying for the wedding maybe she feels guilty and frustrated that she can't give you more financial help right now.
Next time you see your daughter, try to focus on what is happening with her and let her know that you are happy for her and be positive.
Again, i stress that theses are only suggestions based on the very little I know. Sorry if I've misunderstood anything.
yinyang you been great, I have been there for her enagagement and all the frills of the wedding. I can not help her money wise but I have helped to educate and bring up. I have been there all the way. My husbend left me when they were only 5-8 years old I managed through everything. My son needs my support now to see him throug life I can not afford to ignore him. But I am very lonely without her and I know when she is married she will become very formal. I dont feel comfortable with the situation and I am uneasy. I am alone.
Aw, i'm sorry you feel like that, reception.
I'm sure you've given everything you've got to your kids over the years and done a great job.Could it be that you're suffering from a bit of depression? Maybe try seeing your GP. I know it's not an easy thing to admit to, but nothing wrong with getting a bit of extra help when you need it.
I'm sure your daughter does appreciate what you've done for her. Maybe we need to take my original advice and flip it round. Perhaps she's so caught up in the stress and excitement of her wedding that she has forgotten or feels she needs to take a step back from your issues.
I don't know what the issues are with your son but it does sound as if you.ve really got a lot on your plate.
As a daughter, I can say that it can be quite hard to come to terms with the fact that you're now a grown up and that sometimes your parents need you as much as you need them. It's a shift in roles and sometimes the child in you just wants to rebel and wish it the way it was when you were a kid and had no idea of the things your parents had to deal with.
As a mum ( although my girls are only 5 ) , I think you just have to keep doing your best and hoping your doing the right thing. It's not always easy and sometimes it can feel like it's all for nothing. I'm sure once things have calmed down a bit for your daughter, she'll find more time for you again.
Lastly, remember you are never alone if you're a member of Answerbank. There are always good people on here who will listen and try to help you. Goodness knows they've put up with a lot of moaning from me over the last few months! It's a good place to let off some steam.
I'm sure you've given everything you've got to your kids over the years and done a great job.Could it be that you're suffering from a bit of depression? Maybe try seeing your GP. I know it's not an easy thing to admit to, but nothing wrong with getting a bit of extra help when you need it.
I'm sure your daughter does appreciate what you've done for her. Maybe we need to take my original advice and flip it round. Perhaps she's so caught up in the stress and excitement of her wedding that she has forgotten or feels she needs to take a step back from your issues.
I don't know what the issues are with your son but it does sound as if you.ve really got a lot on your plate.
As a daughter, I can say that it can be quite hard to come to terms with the fact that you're now a grown up and that sometimes your parents need you as much as you need them. It's a shift in roles and sometimes the child in you just wants to rebel and wish it the way it was when you were a kid and had no idea of the things your parents had to deal with.
As a mum ( although my girls are only 5 ) , I think you just have to keep doing your best and hoping your doing the right thing. It's not always easy and sometimes it can feel like it's all for nothing. I'm sure once things have calmed down a bit for your daughter, she'll find more time for you again.
Lastly, remember you are never alone if you're a member of Answerbank. There are always good people on here who will listen and try to help you. Goodness knows they've put up with a lot of moaning from me over the last few months! It's a good place to let off some steam.
you are very right - I have been selfish and I wish that I could stop my self ... but I can not. I can be very crule because I feel depressed and am may be going through some midlife crises my self. Thank you for listening. I will try my best to makes things better. after all I won't live for ever (am 50) another 20 years if I am lucky.
We talk a lot. She is aware of the situations and problems. she has also gone through them with me. She has also suffered like me. I feel that I need her to show me love. cuddle me sometimes and laugh with me... I miss that. she does'nt laugh any more.
She never makes an effort to look good unless she is going out with her husbend to be. when ever I take my son and her todinner she doesnt bother to look decent.
I feel like I am a buden to her along with my son. Alas I can not leave my son. I pay the morgage and struggle all month for money because I have used all mine the very first week!! I pay for all the food and bills.
My childern are the best thing in the world and Iwould,nt change a thing except I want to be loved by them not used. Because thats how I feel.
She never makes an effort to look good unless she is going out with her husbend to be. when ever I take my son and her todinner she doesnt bother to look decent.
I feel like I am a buden to her along with my son. Alas I can not leave my son. I pay the morgage and struggle all month for money because I have used all mine the very first week!! I pay for all the food and bills.
My childern are the best thing in the world and Iwould,nt change a thing except I want to be loved by them not used. Because thats how I feel.
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You dont say what all your problems are, although I do feel for you, perhaps the problems with your son have taken over your life a little too much and your daughter is just feeling a little resentful...I have two children and one is and has been causing a lot of problems for the last 10 years, and at times I have wished that there was a switch I could turn off any feelings I have as it is so painful, but I have had a lot of advice over the years and mainly all I can pass on is that you have to focus on yourself and your life be there for them but dont let it take over, as you said you only have a good 20 years probably left so dont waste it worrying about things that may never happen. Give your daughter a hug next time u see her and tell her how u r feeling...Best of luck x
Hey reception,
Maybe you could write down how you are feeling. I have only really become close to my Mum over the last 5 years or so (I'm 42) since my son had a car accident. We have never been a very close family and we didn't tell each other that we love each other - still don't. I have really tried to say this to my Dad but I just can't!
I think if you read through what you have written here you will be able to write to her explaining how you feel. It is often much easier to write things down than to actually say them face to face.
You're only 50 and yet you are sounding as if you are at death's door. 20 years is a long time and you will be suprised what you will be able to fit into it. I would advise popping to your doctor and maybe see if you can get some cognitive therapy - I found this to be very helpful.
Sending big hugs and love.
BB xx
Maybe you could write down how you are feeling. I have only really become close to my Mum over the last 5 years or so (I'm 42) since my son had a car accident. We have never been a very close family and we didn't tell each other that we love each other - still don't. I have really tried to say this to my Dad but I just can't!
I think if you read through what you have written here you will be able to write to her explaining how you feel. It is often much easier to write things down than to actually say them face to face.
You're only 50 and yet you are sounding as if you are at death's door. 20 years is a long time and you will be suprised what you will be able to fit into it. I would advise popping to your doctor and maybe see if you can get some cognitive therapy - I found this to be very helpful.
Sending big hugs and love.
BB xx
banjobabe what a great answer, talking to you guys have made me a better person!! I went home to my daughter and hugged her and told her how much I really do love her and that I dont always show it but I do.
I feel like my life has passed me by bringing up two kids without a husbend its been tough but I've done it. along with good and the bad.
I have lived alone most of life without a partner. but I have my kids and you are so right 50 is not the end I can fit more liveing in this life. You must be angle sent from heavon!! Thank you
I feel like my life has passed me by bringing up two kids without a husbend its been tough but I've done it. along with good and the bad.
I have lived alone most of life without a partner. but I have my kids and you are so right 50 is not the end I can fit more liveing in this life. You must be angle sent from heavon!! Thank you
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Glad you're feeling better today, reception.
You've made a good positive move with your daughter and I'm sure she was pleased by what you did.
Hopefully once she is married and your son's issues start to be resolved you can spend some time working out what YOU would like to do and how you can make it happen. Maybe take up a new hobby and join a club - it doesn't have to be expensive, try your local community centre - and enjoy yourself.
Age means a lot less than it used to, bet there's loads of life left in you yet; you just need to get out there and live it!
Take care of yourself and let us know how the wedding goes.
You've made a good positive move with your daughter and I'm sure she was pleased by what you did.
Hopefully once she is married and your son's issues start to be resolved you can spend some time working out what YOU would like to do and how you can make it happen. Maybe take up a new hobby and join a club - it doesn't have to be expensive, try your local community centre - and enjoy yourself.
Age means a lot less than it used to, bet there's loads of life left in you yet; you just need to get out there and live it!
Take care of yourself and let us know how the wedding goes.
Hello reception - I've just read down your thread, and can't really add any more to what the others've so wisely said. I'm only 28, so maybe not in teh best position to offer any advice of my own, but the one thing that strikes me is that you've been a great mum, despite all the struggle. It also made me stop for a moment myself, as I have two sons - one disabled. I have a good husband, but he's so busy and sometimes away, so all the nurturing and help falls on me. I wonder if I've unwittingly pushed my elder son into the background a bit, as the younger one needs so much attention. I try to be equally fair to both though. Good luck to you - xx.
Hi reception. I am glad you resolved some issues with your daughter as life goes by so quickly and one is gone. I lost my mother about 20 years ago but I had a wonderful relationship with her right up to the end. She used to say to me " you know you can read my mind" and I think I did. Like a lot of answers up above you need to get out.
Find out about your community and take classes of some sort. Learn more about internet, music, dance, paint to name a few. Join indoor/outdoor bowls, JOIN SOMETHING WITHIN THE NEXT 2 MONTHS you wont regret it. Good luck and lots of love to you.
Find out about your community and take classes of some sort. Learn more about internet, music, dance, paint to name a few. Join indoor/outdoor bowls, JOIN SOMETHING WITHIN THE NEXT 2 MONTHS you wont regret it. Good luck and lots of love to you.
Ice.Maiden No matter how hard we mums try we always feel we don,t do enough for our family. Your older son will feel left out but you know younger needs you more. its very tough.
I have two kids as you know my son who has been some trouble with his ex- girlfiriend and my daughter, i have been fair to both but some where along the line I have been loveing one more then the other. This has now refelected on the relationship they have with each other.
my son has a goth girlfriend and he is also semi-goth. I am a christain. when we go out people stair at them, I sometimes get worried that they might start a fight. I know Goths feel that society has let them down and no cares about them but I have loved him from the moment he was a thumb nail! I left my husbend for him, I lost all my , money and my worldy goods for him. I took great risks in my life to ensure his was ok. I am now alone, for his sake so that I can be his mum.
The hardest thing to do is to be a mum, you are 28 with a difficult task ahead of you, You will need help, and support of your partner, you will need friends and people who can guide you, you can not do this on your own.
Take my advice teach your older son how to help you look after the younger one. make and build a bond between them that nothing effects them ever. You are a mother, like Mary was to Jesus Christ. so our job is never ending but very importent.
I have two kids as you know my son who has been some trouble with his ex- girlfiriend and my daughter, i have been fair to both but some where along the line I have been loveing one more then the other. This has now refelected on the relationship they have with each other.
my son has a goth girlfriend and he is also semi-goth. I am a christain. when we go out people stair at them, I sometimes get worried that they might start a fight. I know Goths feel that society has let them down and no cares about them but I have loved him from the moment he was a thumb nail! I left my husbend for him, I lost all my , money and my worldy goods for him. I took great risks in my life to ensure his was ok. I am now alone, for his sake so that I can be his mum.
The hardest thing to do is to be a mum, you are 28 with a difficult task ahead of you, You will need help, and support of your partner, you will need friends and people who can guide you, you can not do this on your own.
Take my advice teach your older son how to help you look after the younger one. make and build a bond between them that nothing effects them ever. You are a mother, like Mary was to Jesus Christ. so our job is never ending but very importent.
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