Can you call yourself a stepparent if you haven't got any kids yourself, and don't you find the word "Step child/son/daughter offensive?

[Yorkiefan]

We've all been there in a conversation where someone without any kids in a new relationship calls themself a "Step parent" or the kids my "Stepson" or my "Stepdaughter"
Don't you think this is disasterously wrong? Surely you're just the boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife of the childs mum/dad and have no right to call themselves a "step parent especially 9/10 when they have no parenting skills and need years of experience before the word "parent" should even be mulled over lightly or even if they did have kids they are new in this situation and have no right to call themselves this? Besides wouldn't you call the term step child/son/daughter offensive? I know i did when i was growing up.
What are your thoughts on this?

[ummmm]

My kids refer to their step dad as Dad but call him by his name.

[woofgang]

I don't think the title is intrinsically bad, just what you (one) read into it. I have got a step father in law. I really don't see why it matter whether or not you have children yourself, its about taking on a part of the parenting role, at the same time not pushing out the natural Dad or Mum. Maybe if the children are old enough, it would be thoughtful to involve them on the conversation about what they would like to call the new partner.
I sense a very personal and painful agenda in this question?

[Frank97]

The couple that adopted me did absolutely everything for me except the initial sticky bits, in my opinion they are my parents. If I'd been called stepson and I'd called them step-parents it just wouldn't have felt the same, in fact if today I was referred to as their stepson I would find that offensive.

[anneasquith]

imo. you are a step parent if the birth mother/father die and you take on the parenting duties of the deceased parent.

[Barmaid]

I wasn't introduced as a "step mum" indeed, we didn't know in the early days whether it would work out (although we both hoped it would), it was done slowly and sensitively where I was introduced as dad's friend.

[pips1]

I agree with you anneasquith, I am alive and don't think any other woman should be called anything with the term 'mom' in it to my kids - they are mine!!!!!

[woofgang]

well but D97, if you were adopted, they weren't your steps.
pips1, I understand your feelings but is that helpful?

[Frank97]

As I pressed enter I wasn't sure it was entirely relevant, sorry.

[joggybear]

I agree with pips1, but yorkiefan, arent you being a bit OTT? Its obvious you are a 'stepchild' and resent it.

[EvianBaby]

when they have no parenting skills and need years of experience before the word "parent" should even be mulled over lightly

Surely that would also mean nobody could let their own biological children call them Mum or Dad until they are about 10 years old.

[ummmm]

I never called my parents partners my step-parents but I do call my Dads GF's kids my brother and sister.

[pips1]

It may sound harsh what I said but it is personal to me, that's all, and everyone on here would agree with me if they knew who I was talking about!! sorry

[China Doll]

My mums husband is my step-dad. My dads wife is 'my dads wife'... it's mainly an age thing, dads wife is far too young to be my step-mum. I think you're reading way too much in to it. All parents were first timers at one point so had no 'parenting skills' so I hardly think that's relevant to whether you are suited to be called a step parent. I see no reason why it should be offensive. I do think it might be a bit off to start referring to your 'step child/chilren' a month after entering a new relationship but then I've never known anyone to do that either.

[wiggal]

My fiancés 2 children both class me as their step mum. I was introduced as dads girl friend and them after spending more time and I moved in with their dad and was there all the time when they came over. My OH is very much of the opinion that when they are with us, I am the mother role as such and the kids respect and treat me as they would their mum when at home. It is also both our job to discipline them on the odd times it is needed and they listen to me as they would him! His daughter has also apparently had some interesting reactions from her teachers at a school when she has mentioned her step mum is only 9 years older then her lol!
My stepdad has been with my mum 20 odd years since I was 4, and he brought me up (saw my dad every other weekend) as his own and is very much just like another dad to me.

[DaisyNonna]

Regard myself as a back-step parent.

[joko]

"have no parenting skills", "need years of experience before the word "parent" should even be mulled over lightly" ,...??

no-one has parenting skills - until they have kids - would you say parents having their first child cannot use the term 'parents' - because they have no experience or skills?
what differnce does them not having their own kids make?

you make it sound like its some sneaky conspiracy, as though they just cant wait to get their hands on the chance to call themselves 'step' ... i dont think anyone cares what theyre called...its just the term they are given...

i think you have read far too much into that word and have twisted into some some big issue, when it really isnt - not to most people anyway...

[Nini74]

legally you become a step-parent when you marry someone who has children. Calling yourself step-mum or step-dad early on in a relationship is needless and I would imagine confusing for the children. The legal term comes into effect on the marriage, and is not in the least offensive to anyone - its a term. My husband has two step-sons and a daughter from his previous relationship, although they still, even now, call him dad. I call them my sidestep-sons and step-daughter. nobody gets offended. The only thing I don't like is that his ex-wife still uses her married name...but that's another story.

[boxtops]

so do I, nini - it's the name I've been known as, all my business life. When I remarried, I still kept it - my OH doesn't mind at all.

[boxtops]

Having no children of your own has nothing to do with it. You're a step-parent if you take on your partner/husband/wife's children. It IS a step away - they are not your own.

[jno]

the meaning is nothing to do with "one step away". Step is an old word meaning orphaned, and it was first used in stepchild - as if the new parent was taking on an orphan. The words stepfather etc came later.