ChatterBank0 min ago
Desperate to move back home
I am 22 and live with my boyfriend, we have been together for three years and living together for two and a half. When we lived with our parents, everything was great, we spent each evening simply watching tv and then on weekends we would go out and had a fairly large social circle.
Since moving in he has changed, He spends the majority of the week in the local pub, I have to repeatedly pester him with telephone calls to get him home with the usual answer being "ten mins", "thirty mins" "an hour" etc. If he wanted to move in with me why put up such resistance to be with me? When he does finally show, he's drunk and falls asleep on the sofa. As his weeknights seem entertaining for him, he can be quite happy to spend the weekend at home with me with a few drinks, inside I am desperate to get dressed up and go out. I've brought it up and he will promise to take me out but these promises never materialise, usually as he is too tired from his nights at the pub and money is scarce (most of it contributes to the locals takings).
On top of this I do the housework, he has yet to wash a single dish, accompany me with the shopping or iron his own clothes. This situation is tearing me apart, my confidence is at an all time low. I comfort eat on the nights he is out. I've put on weight.
I've brought it up many times, he apologises and promises to change but goes back to his ways soon. I know anyone reading this (who bothered to read so far) will think "stupid girl", I want out but am stuck in a mortgage, if we sell my dad is the guarantor and will have to pay �11,000. I can't ask this of him.
Advice greatfully appreciated, Anyone ever changed a "Jack the Lad"? At the moment I am back in my old room at my Mums but I can't stay forever
His closest mates have since told me to leave him.
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As we didn't have the full deposit saved my dad had to sign to say that if things didn't work out within the first three years then he would have to pay �11,000. I guess its a way of guaranteeing the house gets sold quickly and the bank doesn't lose money.
I'm back at my Mums at the moment, have been there a couple of days now. I haven't had much contact with him, he is just angry that I have taken our dog with me. I didn't take it to punish him, I just know the dog will be better looked after at my Mums as she is home all day and I guess he will be in the pub.
Went to check on him this morning to see if he was going to work and he just appears to be feeling very sorry for himself and resentful.
Thank you for your advice. I am going to spend a lot of time with my friends and not see him for a few weeks.
Thank Hairylemon (what an interesting name)
He's been in touch saying he realises what a useless boyfriend he's been and that he's taken me for granted and sees it now. He is sorry, misses me and loves me. wants to meet up this weekend but I have seen to it that I am fully booked up! Aren't I evil? Have jampacked my weekend with my friends and I am not dropping them last minute for him. Finding it hard but I shal be strong and disinterested. Told him we will talk on Sunday. Guess the old treat 'em mean thing does actually work, just not in my nature.
Never thought of the idea of a lodger, thanks, will bear it in mind if things don't improve.
Well it appears that being stong is working. He suggested we go to the supermatket together yesterday, cooked my tea, did some housework and stayed in with few beers to watch the match instead of going to the pub. I'm absolutely gobsmacked, feel like I need to pinch myself!
Thanks for all the advice, feel as if I was overreacting now, but I felt so low last week that I needed to let it out.
Heres hoping things will stay as they are