Is it the case that someone would start an affair to damage the marriage?

[mj2000uk]

Hi

Its a simple question really and I dont want to go into details as to why I am asking it (although you can probably guess).

I want to know your views. If a husband or wofe decide to have an affair. What would be their driving reason for doing so. Do they do it with the thought of the effect it will have on the marriage once discovered or do they generally not think of that at the time and just do it becuiase they can and it fill a gap in their lives.

Obviously everyone is different but does an affair start off with any thought as to the effect on the marriage. Do cheaters look that far ahead?

Thanks for your help.

[4getmenot]

I think some do it because they are unhappy in marriage and are too cowardly to end it. Some do it as a way out and some do it sill loving their wife/husband but cant help it, its a thrill for them.

[boxtops]

This is really hard to answer as everyone will be different. Some people would just succumb to some flattery and not think about the consequences. Others might be really unhappy in a relationship and be looking elsewhere for what they think they're not getting at home. Some people wouldn't care either way.

[Greedyfly]

They do it because they think they can get away with it. I think it would be quite rare for someone to do it with the sole intention of hoping it would end there marriage!

[4getmenot]

some do though greedy. They dont have the guts to tell the spouse the truth so even though sounds stupid its easier for them to have an affair they will be found out about, argue and then leave.

[Greedyfly]

Gutless springs to mind.... Someone people need to grow a pair and man up - so to speak

[MarkRae]

What's the female equivalent of "growing a pair" and "manning up"...?

[cazzz1975]

growing a pair fits both mark ;)

[4getmenot]

yer not always blokes greedyfly so I wonder what woman would grow

[cazzz1975]

I dont think they do it to ruin the marriage, I think they do it because they feel a lacking in some area of the relationship, Instead of dealing with the problems in the marriage they think they can fix their immediate needs by having an affair.

[Prudie]

some women would grow a pair of blinkers and some pink glasses to go with them.

[mj2000uk]

Thanks for the answers guys. Obviously I am asking as I have this happening in my life.

I once had an affair with a married woman and I went into it purely from the fact it was fun and exciting and so different to my life as it was. I had no consideration for the long term effects of what I was doing.

My thought was that it was for the thrill rather than a calculated way to begin the end of the relationship.

Thanks for your help.

[zzxxee]

this was posted a while ago i just wondered what the outcome was mj2000uk???

[thetruthhurts]

I've been married and divorced three times. Two ended because I had affairs and the other ended because she had an affair. In my opinion, an affair starts out as a bit of excitement a bit of fun. No, I don't think anyone thinks as far ahead as damaging a marriage. It's what the affair becomes that is the important factor. Short term and, some long term affairs, will, never affect the marriage because your partner is none the wiser. I chose to tell, on both occasions, quite early on in the affair, because i was sure that i wanted to be with the other woman. I married both the women and after cheating on my last wife, do not intend ever marrying again. I am not proud of those affairs, I felt sick to my guts about what I did to my wives and still do. When it was reversed, and my 2nd wife did the same to me, it was easier to handle, I only had my own sorrow and anger to deal with. If I had my time again, I would still be with my first wife , and watch my two children grow into the great people they are today.