xmas party looming and i'm shyer than a shy thing

homedeeth | 10:51 Wed 03rd Dec 2008 | ChatterBank

21 Answers

xmas party this friday. i'm not looking forward to it because i'm quite shy in outside of work social situations. at work is different because i feel on safer ground but outside, in a hotel would feel quite different to me. i always feel like i'm talking rubbish or the conversation ends as quickly as it starts
anybody got any ideas of what i can say that would make people interested in what i'm going on about?

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Bathsheba

I feel for you homedeeth- i'm just the same :-( xxxx

4getmenot

A few vodkas :-) nah I'm joking. I dont know what to suggest some people are just shy.

joggerjayne

Me too.

Painfully shy.

Just ask people about themselves, and give them the chance to talk to you, so that you don't have to talk to them. Then you can just fill in the gaps when you can.

Lakitu

Hi homedeeth,

Try not to put too much thought into it because you'll end up getting yourself more worked up. Rather than lead a conversation, try just listening to the conversation around you and putting in your tuppence-worth as and when required.

Do you drink? If you will be having a drink, then that will relax you and you will start to feel less conscious too - but don't get slaughtered LOL.

Rememeber you are your own worst critic and people don't perceive you or think anything like what you're imagening they're thinking :o)

Bbbananas

Good advice so far; and a couple of drinks will help relax you but don't go & do what I often do, which is get hopelessly plastered and be the talk of the party for entirely the wrong reason!

People like a good listener and to be asked questions about themselves. And remember, you are far from likely to be the only one feeling like this. I come across as a very social gregarious person and am often the one to get a conversation going, but often that is masking a lot of internal insecurities & inside that person may be just as unsure as you are. I have learned over the years how to mix & socialise more easily - I haven't always been this way.

JJ - you, painfully shy? Surely you jest?

Lakitu

Salla's right, when you see some of your colleagues that are very loud mouthed, they are masking the same insecutities in a different way a lot of the time :o)

Bbbananas

Yeah that's right - with a few gins inside o'me, I can certainly be the loudest mouth & one of the more outrageous souls - but I have probably gone to that event a bundle of nerves, wondering whether I look ok, whether I will say the wrong thing or whether I'll spill my food & drink all over my dress (I invariably do at some stage) and whether people in general will like me.

Just relax homedeeth and try to enjoy it. Ot at least look as though you're enjoying it and that in itself will attract others to seek you out and make conversation; even if it's just meaningless chitchat. x

ChuckFickens

homedeeth , I totally sympathise with you as I am the same, I hate meeting new people or being out in strange circumstances.

I haven't been to any of my work Christmas party's for several years because of it as well. the only advice I can give you is to simply bite the bullet and go to it.

I had to goto one a couple of years back as somebody dropped out and I got offered the ticket by a friend who didn't want to go alone so couldn't say no. and you know what, It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be when I got there and I had a good time.

Also don't worry about "feeling like your talking rubish" the chances are that everyone else is feeling the same anyhow, and I very much doubt that anybody will remember any specifics about the conversations the next day anyhow.

joggerjayne

I haven't been back to this thread fro a while. I'm too shy.

Bathsheba

I've come back to this, because I identify with the problem very strongly. As I've got older, I've come to accept that if an impending social event is causing me anxiety, then if at all possible I make my excuses and don't attend. A party is meant to be an enjoyable, pleasurable thing, but if to me it's an ordeal, then why bother?
I'm a very old laydee now, but i can trace this feeling back to my childhood and other kids' birthday parties.
Sorry to waffle on homedeeth- just thought i'd give myself a little therapy session there ;-) xxx

homedeeth

Question Author

you have all been very helpful with your answers. i stopped drinking 4 months ago and even though i've been to a few events during my abstinence, the works is going to be the messiest! i value your opinions and advice
cheers!

Bbbananas

Have a good time love - and don't worry that you might be babbling rubbish - so will most other people be. I spout rubbish all the time - but people seem to find it amusing - better to make people smile than to cry !! ;-)

Bbbananas