How to cope with partners ex-wife

[Jeffju]

My partner of 18 months is still friendly with his ex-wife and has been for a number of years before I met him. They have kept a good relationship for their two children which in my view is very commendable. Their children are now grown up and have independent lives and are lovely people. The only problem I have is with myself wondering if my partner still feels more than an affection for ex wife and vice versa. I don't want my own feelings to spoil our relationship if there is nothing to worry about.

I want to be able to cope with seeing her now and again and not have the underlying doubt.

[SRH]

Obviously, I can't say what his feelings for her are, but it's not uncommon for people to simply fall out of love but still care for each other (which is probably what happened with him and his ex).

It would be so much easier to handle, I'm sure, if he had only been friends with her and not married to her - you could probably accept that he has a female friend without their being any deeper emotions there.

At the end of the day, he's with you, and if he's given you no reason to doubt his feelings for you then you should accept that he is simply still friends with his ex. In fact, it takes quite a man to be so grown up about relationships - so you really may have struck lucky here!

Having children together obviously gave them a reason to stay in touch and it sounds like what they have now is a good friendship and nothing more. If you intend to be with him long term it might well be good to get to know his ex a bit better - it would stop any awkwardness and make you feel a bit more secure in yourself.

[Jeffju]

Thank you for your comment. I think you are right, I don't want to feel anything negative about it, and she doesn't seem to have any problems with me.

[SRH]

Understandable you are jittery about the whole thing - just shows you care about him. I'm sure it will all be fine.