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boyfriend going out with other girls

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caramel22 | 13:32 Mon 18th Jun 2007 | Relationships & Dating
13 Answers
My boyfriend has female friend who he has known since school (he is 22) and has never been intimately involved with and he wants to be able to go for a drink with her (not that i'm not invited but for example when i'm at work), i'm really not happy bout this - i dont think he should be going for drinks with other women just the two of them - its not that i dont trust him with her but i just think its wrong in a relationship. anyway i told him how i felt and we nearly split up over it but then he agreed not to go for drink with others girls on his own. But now we've kind of split up again due to something did - purposefully crashed into his parked car outside his mates house after an argument. Now he wants some time to think but is basically saying that if we did get back together that he wants to be able to do what he likes including going for a drink with this girl. am i being unreasonable or should i stick to my guns as it upsets me so much? i'm not asking him not to be mates with her but just dont want them going out together, and even though i was wrong doing what i did it shouldnt mean that i have to put up with stuff that upsets me?


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You are lucky he's even thinking about getting back with you after you smashed up his car! It sounds as though you're really insecure. Should he have to put up with being dictated to? If you really like this guy you're gonna have to meet him halfway, why not get them to meet up then you join them later that way you know he's not doing anything untoward and he's had space to chat to his MATE.
Hmmm, i dont think your being unreasonable whatsoever.
Your right in not wanting him to go out with another girl on his own. If your in a loving relationship he should be taking you out for a drink. How would he feel if the situation was reversed?
I know a lot on here will say i am talking rubbish and that there is nothing wrong with going out 'for a drink' with her, but that is where it all starts.
Also i think that the fact he is thinking of having time out, points to the fact that he isnt ready yet for a serious relationship. Also , If it upsets you, then your better off being apart as it will only make you ill. He cant like you that much if he still wants to carry on doing something that upsets you.
You might feel as though its your fault at the moment, but in a few weeks time you will think back and see that you did nothing wrong...
I was going to side with you til I read you crashed into his car after an argument! No wonder the boy is having second thoughts. I would steer clear of him, sounds like he turns you into a mentalist. Find someone whos stuff you don't have the urge to break.
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forgot to say i didnt actually do any damage to the car - bounced off the tyre apparently - but i know it was really wrong of me. if he wants to finish with me over it than thats understandble i suppose, but if he is prepared to take me back then i dont think he should use it against me as an excuse to do something that upsets me. I've decided that i'm going to tell him i still dont want him to and basically if it means us splitting up then so be it coz even though i love him i dont see the point in being in a relationship where my boyfriend doesnt care bout upsetting me
I can understand why you might feel the way you do with regard to him being with another woman but if you look at it from his side, he's probably just wanting to have a drink with his mate...who happens to be female.

I guess the questions to be asked are:

1 - you don't want them spending time together - do you think your bf has more-than-mates feelings for this lass and is going to crack onto her?

2 - do you feel threatened by her?

If yes to either of these then you have to address your relationship and trust within it. However, from what you've said about purposely bumping into his car, it sounds like you're very insecure and perhaps emotionally not ready for a relationship. Ultimately, if this does upset you and you can't move forward from it, then you shouldn't be in with him because you will only lead to arguments which won't be nice for either of you.

In answer to your Q, I really do think you're being unreasonable; if he'd only just met this lass OR he had a sexual history with her then I'd agree with you but he doesn't and if I were him, I wouldn't go back out with you.

Sorry if it sounds harsh but these two people are friends and you don't have the right dictate which friends he does and doesn't spend time with. How would you feel if he tried to stop you seeing your best friend?

I can understand how you would get upset over this, but what if you had an old school friend-male-who you wanted to meet up with, and he told you not to even though you knew very well it's perfectly innocent and you have no intention of doing anything with him?
Stick to your guns if you feel that strongly, you will only come across another situation like this further into your relationship and you will find yourself forever compramising, you did wrong fair enough but u shouldnt back down because of it and he is using the fact that you did wrong to get his own way. Its okay ppl saying that its only a mate but if it bothers you now it always will and your best of letting him go
I think you are acting like a spoilt brat. He is 22? a grown man, he doesnt need permission from you or anybody to go out for a drink with his friend.
If you are so insecure about your relationship or in yourself that he cant go out for a drink with someone, you shouldnt be in any relationship, never mind this one
Haven't you got some colouring in you could be doing? How old are you?

Is he also going to be banned from speaking to other women? He's got a mate who is a woman so what? Are you going to ban him from seeing his mates in case he talks to another woman when he's out?
Sounds like you're in the wrong. What's wrong with him going for a drink with one of his mates? You sound like a complete psycho.
i'm sorry but i think you are totally overreacting, my fiance's best friend is a girl theyve known each other since they were 2yrs old and my fiance is now 33, i would never stop him going out with her the same way my best mate is a bloke and we've known each other for 19years and my fiance would never stop me going out with him, if u dont let your boyfriend have his friends he will leave you and go with someone else. you obviously dont trust him so why are you with him
stick to your guns and your gut feeling because you see it on jerry every day lol anyways don't get to overwhelmed and consumed with his actions to where your crashing into his car thats not cool plus now he thinks your unstable just say freak it if he still insist's on seeing and chillen with this girl and if he avoids letting you go with him than thats a clear and big warning bell to just leave him alone...cuz he's probably trying to make a move on her.
I understand that your a bit on the iffy side about them going out together but if you trust him i think you should trust him completly! I mean when i was with my ex most of my mates were male and even one of m best mates as a male! Dont get me wrong i mean i was introduced to my ex in the first place by the mates im talking about who are still our mates! My point is i usd to go to my friends house sit chat mess about without even a single thought of anything intimate happing! If they are JUST FRIENDS and have known eachother for so long i dont think as much as you would love him to really just listen that he will stop because to be honest if my ex had've asked me i wouldnt of!

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