Would you go out with a guy whose been in prison?

[MarkM99]

Been in young offenders and haven't really been back out in pubs or clubs. I'm 20 now. Just wondering if the fact that I've been in young offenders put people off totally. It's not something I plan on mentioning if I'm meeting a girl but just want to know what people who think if it came up?

[alijangra]

I generally dont judge people on their past, as we all make mistakes (unless it is something really bad!). What I would be more concerned with is what the person is now doing to rectify their mistakes and become a decent and contributing member of society.

[warpig3]

Mark, I am with alijangra on this, what you are doing now is the most important thing, as alijangra says we all make mistakes. It difficult to know whether you should tell people first off or wait until they know you. If you tell them first they may well walk away but then that is a reflection on them. If you wait then tell them they may wonder why you didn't tell them sooner, catch 22!

That said there was a guy who used to come on here and he had done time for gbh, and a wiser and more respected ABer you could not find. He turned his life around, faced his demons and put the past behind him.

Good luck Mark, onward and upward.

warpig

[Le Chat]

If I were your age and the question arose whether to date or not, I think that at the precise moment that my parents found out that any potential boyfriend had been in a young offenders institute would be enough to put an early end to any hope of a relationship. Really though, if you have been in young offenders recently, then you need to prove that you have changed, in order to enstill confidence in a would be mate. As the best predictor or future behaviour is past behaviour, then you have to start creating new behaviour, so that it starts becoming your new 'past behaviour,' (If you see what I mean!)
Hope it all goes well. Why have you been a young offender?

[redhead23]

i wouldnt, i personally think people find it very hard to get back on the straight and narrow ,

i think if people are on tags or have been in jail to be very wary of them , fitting back in society because they obviously have problems conducting themselves well , and a lot of them need anger management

[raysparx1]

Hello Mark, When you meet the right one they won't worry about that,you sound like you have learnt your lesson, so move on from your past and keep your nose clean from now on, when i met my wife I had been in all sorts of trouble and it was getting very serious, but I was lucky i met a great lady who never judged me on what i had done, and the things i planned to do, she changed my life and I have never looked back, so good luck, and take care, and live a decent life matey, Ray

[christina81]

Obviously dont mention it as soon as you meet them but you would have to be straight with the girl.If she found out later or through someone else i'd imagine she would feel very hurt.Girls are very sensetive and are very understanding (well most anyway)I agree with the others that it would probably depend on what it was you did,but it also depends on the circumstances around this.
The fact that you are even asking this question says to me that you really do want to be different and move on with your life

[MarkM99]

I definitely think I've sorted myself out over the past few months but not sure how people will react. I was in for ABH but had been in other trouble before that too.

I'm just gonna take it easy at the moment but I'm thinking ahead as I don't want to end up in the same situation again.

[warpig3]

Good for you Mark, you are right, just take it easy for the moment, get your life back on track, and hopefully everything else will fall into place.

[nannon]

i think that less people than you think would judge you on that. If they do they do - dont waste your time. You'll meet someone who will lik eyou for you now and wiill see the process you are going through to make changes in your life. Good for you

[Skreecheeboy]

Aye, you've done your time mate, it's not something you really need to tell them on the first date. Wait till they get to know you a bit before mentioning it and kid on you didn't know you hadn't told them already.

[lucylocket69]

Hey Mark
Well i'm your age, and to be honest if i met a guy i was getting on with really well - i don't think the fact that you've done some time would bother me. It would all depend on if we got on!

[sense4all]

As a parent I would be a little concerned for my daughter,I would trust her judgement - but I would also ask you what happened that you found yourself in that position. Not to judge, just to understand you a bit better. I think it is something that I'd mention myself rather than someone else using for mischief at a later date!

[missrandom]

I'll be totally honest and say yes if i was in that situation it would put me off, i think it would just be a road i wouldnt want to risk going down. My cousins in and out of prison and he hasnt learnt his lessons, but thats not to say you havent, so good luck. ( were u in feltham YO)

[MarkM99]

Yeah I was in Feltham

[missrandom]

just down the road from me. was it really awful? like they say it is?

[MarkM99]

It's a pretty **** place to be but it's not as bad as they make out. If you just keep yourself out of trouble and don't get involved with any of the **** that goes on it's ok. There are scraps and that over little things but I didn't get into anything serious.

The first few days were the worst - being taken there from court handcuffed and in a sweat box and then going in for the first time. You go in and get searched and get your prison stuff and then go to a special wing for new prisoners and it's just scary because you don't know what's what or what you need to do. After a while you get use to things and then there are other new guys coming on to the unit and you're not a newbie any more.

The main thing is the fact that you are locked up at 8 in the evening and stuck in your cell from then on. Sometimes you are locked up for most of the day especially at the weekend and it gets very boring. I missed my mates and my family alot and even the visits you get are hard when you have to go back to your cell and your visitors get to go back to their normal life.

I got to do some courses - GCSEs and stuff like anger management but I missed not being outside just playing football or going for a few drinks and stuff like that.

[missrandom]

God, i think i'd cry myself to sleep everynight!! but then i suppose its gotta be horrible, or what else would there be as a deterant. Was it the YO that made you decide you wont re-ooffend or just the whole older and wiser thing? Good you got some gcse's. iam back at college and find it so much easier being a little bit older than i was at school

[MarkM99]

A bit of everything I suppose. I know my folks took it badly and even before I went in I knew I didn't want to end up going in and out of prison. Some of the lads in there had brothers and that who had been through YOI and were in prison and were sort of expecting to end up in prison and I just didn't want to be like that.

Being locked up I had more time to think about life and all the good stuff I was missing out on and that had something to do with it too.

[missrandom]

thats good then. good luck with everything. xx

[raysparx1]

Mark, I have just read through all of what you have said, and you will be ok mate, i don't think you are going to make the same mistakes as the idiots that spend there whole life in and out of nick, I was lucky when i was young and never went down the same road as some of my mates, I was tempted but got out before it got to heavy, good luck mate, just keep thinking how nice it is to see the sky, not looking at it through some blooody barred window, take it easy and stay good, it ain't that hard, Ray