mean boyfriend

[sogudsam]

i really loved my botfriend even though i havejust ended our relationship as he was really gready.
i always had to pay half even though he earned more than me. he also made sure he got everything back to the last 50p even ( honestly)
we got on very well he was considerate and loving and looked after me well after a major operation. i miss him loads.is it enough to love someone and know that they love and even adore you or will the greed always be in the way.
i did not really discuss the money side of things with him as i am not confrontational. he always had money enough for his kids though.

[maggie2708]

not being rude but we women always harp on about equal rights etc and then when a decent bloke says its 50/50 in this relationship we run a milion miles..... my husband is the same he makes me pay alf everthing to the penny, it just makes it all ythe more special when he treats me.
i think you being a little bit selfish yeah he earns more but has a son do you really need to be a kept woman
asert your independance pay your way, and don't let a marvellous respectful man get away :)

[alijangra]

Up until i went back to uni I always paid half of everything, despite the fact my boyfriend earned about 3 times what I did. My partner also watches the pennies, and I dont think it is a bad thing. Surely you are the greedy one if you think he should pay your way or give you hand-outs? How on earth can you grudge him giving his kids money? I think your attitude is terrible and women like you give others a bad name, ie gold-diggers!! More fool you if you threw away a loving relationship just because you had to put your hand in your pocket.

[sogudsam]

I am not greedy but friends would say very generous. It just became very waring when we had to look to every penny when out or on holiday.
Maybe its my fault that I did not discuss it with him.

[teag1rl]

He's well rid of you.

[4getmenot]

whats the question, or is this just a womans rant? I live on my own and would be happy to get even quarter. Half is about right whether he earns more or not he isnt eating more food or using more electicity just coz he earns more, Its his money, you're the greedy one!

[jno]

I'll offer you a bit of sympathy sogudsam, since nobody else is. Yes, it's right that he should look after a previous family; there are too many deadbeat dads who just dump kids on their mothers when they get bored with them; the fact that he acknowledges responsibilities is good. But I know being with a partner who counts every penny can be very tiresome. Unless you're truly on the breadline, demanding 50p back- from a partner, not a shopkeeper who's given the wrong change - is a bit much. I can't blame you for opting out of a future where you have to do double-entry bookkeeping every night. It makes life very unromantic.

But did you do the right thing? I'm not so sure. He sounds responsible, and he stuck with you during illness; those are good things. Greed is a bad thing. It's for you to weigh them up against each other, which it sounds as if you did, and decide whether you can live that way.

I do think though that you should have discussed all this with him. It doesn't have to be confrontational; just explain to him what you feel. (Did you do this when you left?) It may be that he simply doesn't realise and would be ready to change to please you. It's worth a try, I would have thought.

Oh, and do you perhaps have issues with the existence of his previous family? You probably need to sort this out in your own mind.

Good luck.

[melons]

Firstly he isnt well rid of you, ignore that stupid comment! its rude, not helpful so save your stupid comments for a site that cares!

Ok, i am married and i earn about �200 less than my husband! heres the deal.... we want to all be people in our own rights yeah? we want to (destinys child) i bought it, the watch im wearing the house i live in, the car im driving..... I think that siome times its nice to feel loved and wanted and to be spoilt thats natural. However me and my husband split everything 50/50 and it works well. He also watches what i spend, i find that really annoying sometimes but hey i would blow it all at once. You need to talk to him my dear, tell him how you feel, whats on your mind and talk about the MONEY! If you love him, miss him and want to be with him is it worth throwing it all away. If you dont get anywhere after you have tried talking then you know it wasnt meant to be, but guess what at least you know you tryied!
Good luck, hope it all turns out ok!

[sogudsam]

I know it may sound as though I am mean but that is far from the truth. In the begining I was really generous to him as he was moaning all the time about being in debt but then doing nothing about it. I think its good that he thinks about his family as we all do but not to the exclusion of me and everything else.

[jno]

I don't think you're mean, sogudsam, but sometimes people feel a bit helpless in the face of debts. Perhaps - if you ever get back together - rather than just paying for him, you could sit down with him and sort out some way he can manage his debts?

[chitchat]

I dont think you are greedy either. If you are in a relationship everything should be shared and that includes money. I couldnt be in a relationship where it wasnt. Having said that I know people are different.

I think you need to sit down with him and tell him whats bugging you. He may not be aware of how this is upsetting you. It may also be that his previous relationship is the cause of his caution with money. Once you have told him then you can decide if the relationship is worth going on with.

I hope you get it sorted and dont take any notice of the rude comments. Good luck x

[sogudsam]

Thank you all for your positive replies. I am still unsure what to do though.

[carmelbaby]

Are u still wit him? Grl i dnt get y he wld treat u lke tht n mke u pay half.. Oh no tht is jst wrng.. Grl plz tll me tht u ain;t still with him even though he does treat u da way he does....

[sogudsam]

No I have not gone back to him even though it is difficult not too. I do not think he can change as he made no effort to try and get things sorted so we could be together. Thank you for your interest.