Unable to confide

[Karen2005]

I find it really difficult to confide in people. I want to develop new and deeper friendships, but I know this won't be possible unless I start to "let go". There are some things I want to share with friends, but as I've been keeping them to myself all this time (some things I've been bottling up for years) I don't know where to begin. I sometimes formulate what I want to say in my head, but by the time I'm with my friends we start to talk about other (more superficial) things and I can't bring myself to open up. What can I do? I know I need to help myself but I don't know where to start.

[China Doll]

Write it down intially and give it to someone to read.

I'm the same, I keep everything to myself. Always have done.

Thankfully I have five amazing friends I can tell anything to. Admittedly I never tell them anything at the time but I tell them retrospectively and they have seen me through some pretty tough things.

It's scary at first. The two that finally got through to me actually did so 15 years ago... how they did it... they spiked my drink and asked me questions. I wouldn't go down that route but I'd try the letter.

Good luck xx

[Eve]

Well depending what it is you want to talk about then start on a conversation on a more superficial level relating to the issue then try and manipulate it round, depending on how the way the conversation is going.

There are certain things which may need a bit more thought though.

Why not practice on us and see if we can help. May be a good way to start you off and you may get more specific feedback on how to handle it.

xxx

[dejucrazy55]

if you cant seem to talk about it write it down...depending on what you feel to talk about maybe you could write poetry or short stories on what has happened and you would like people to knowabout you.....then after writing it let the ones you care enough about that you can trust read it.....if you feel unable to do that then maybe you should go talk to a therapist(not saying your crazy or that you need one) but talking to someone who doesn't know anything about you except what you say could be a good thing.......

[Karen2005]

Thanks for your advice so far - all good ideas. I might practice on you guys. No time at the moment to write anything though. I have thought about going to see a therapist - how do you go about getting a good one? I can confide in my husband but he (and he agrees with this) is part of what I need to confide in others about. It's basically to do with his (minor) infedility before we married and the fact I don't think we've really resolved it. I guess I'm worried about people judging both of us and wondering why I'm still with him...

[Karen2005]

When I say minor infedility I mean this - he was suffering from depression at the time and was on prozac. He would still drink alcohol though and when drunk he would turn into someone me and his friends wouldn't recognise. One night he didn't come home. He told me that he'd stayed with a friend, but later admitted he'd gone home with a woman (a complete stranger) he'd met that night. He said that although they'd slept in the same bed and did certain things, they didn't have full sex. I 100% believe this. We have spoken about what happened - put blame on the prozac/alcohol etc. None of my friends know about his depression (he didn't want anyone to know) so that made it harder to talk to friends about what happened and why.

[dejucrazy55]

tp find a good therapist you could go online...ask your regular doctor..or ask around....me i honestly have had many therapists not getting into detail why but they are a good thing to have...and you should not feel scared on if peopl are goin to judge you about marrying a man if your problems deal with him...maybe you could try couple therapy....

[dejucrazy55]

is he still depressed......if so maybe the meds arent helping and he should get them changed.....now that you are speaking of depression and meds that is why i had to see therapists i was very depressed and well lets jsut say i ended up having to go to a pych-ward (im not crazy) that was a year or so ago and im not sayin your husband should go to one either......maybe you should try the couples therapy...