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Left, Right or straightforward???

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crazygirly | 16:08 Sat 01st Dec 2012 | Relationships & Dating
21 Answers
Hi All,

Really hope someone can see what i obviously cannot see and hopeully give me some advice and point me in the right direction....

My friend (a very good friend, whom i trust implicitly) text me today saying she had seen my partner of 10 years relationship in the local pub at 10am today as she was taking her child to a karate class and she happended to walk past this pub, she spotted my partner. i then rang my friend, who said it was definately my man sat in the pub. You may be thinking 10am thats early for a pub to open but this pub also sells food, breakfasts etc as far as im aware.

My friend saw him at 10am in the pub, she then collected her child from his class at 11am and she said my partner was still sat in the pub but she couldnt see who he was sat with. i then decided to get ready and had the idea of casually walking past the pub he was sat in. This would of seemed quite normal, as it is a pub on the way into our local town. But i thought better of it and stayed at home.

She waved to my partner and as my friend eplains it, he looked at her shocked before waving back. My partner was supposed to be at work today.

I then sent my partner a text as i would normally asking him "what time he thinks he would be home from work". I sent this text to him at 11:30am today. He then text me back at 11:43am, saying "he was back and that he was having breakfast with his 2 workmates" who, i do know through my partner as he works day in, day out with the 2 blokes. I didnt send a text back, i just left it. He then text me at 11:50am asking me "whats up". i replied with "xx" (kiss) back, as though nothing was wrong.

I havent and wont mention to my partner that my friend had contacted me saying she had seen him in the pub at 10am and that she saw that he was still sat in the pub 1 hour later when she went to collect her child from his class.

Its now 15:07pm and i havent had a text nor have i had a call from my partner since the last text.

Any advice would be greatley appreciated or what people on the outside looking in on my situation can see. As we all know, when we are involved in a situation we cannot always see whats happening. Im not sure what to make of this. Once again, any advice or opinions would be a great help.


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Maybe he was having breakfast with the 2 fellas he works with and now he thinks you have the hump for no reason and has decided to stay out.
He was in the pub having breakfast with his friends. He's told you that and your friend saw him there. I'm not sure what he's done wrong really?

Have I missed something?
If the bit with the friend had never happened is everything as you would have expected today? Would you normally not have heard from him by now?
He's having a few beers with his mates, nothing wrong with that. If you want to know what his plans are then ring him and stop playing games.
I don't get it, your man told you he was having breakfast with his mates so what your friend saw seems perfectly in keeping with that. If you want to know what time he's coming home then as ummmm has said, phone him. I really don't understand what the problem is here.
I don't understand it either. Why should he not sit in the pub with his mates. Has he done this before, not come home after work?
What has he done wrong, your friend saw him where he told you he was, and why would you even bother asking him anyway. Isn't he allowed anywhere without asking first? I'm really stuck as to what you're upset about.
I suppose I'd be upset if OH said he was home, 4 hours ago, but didn't actually come home?
If I texted OH and he answered that he was in the pub, I'd ring him.

Not to check up on him, just to tell him my plans for the day and what time to ring me in case he decides he's staying out.
he didnt say home, he said back, boxtops... sounds like the sort of job they move about a bit,

i also dont get the problem... he is grown up an told you where he was... you do not own him...
Are we to assume that after your friend saw your partner in the pub you have concluded he was with another female? I am not saying this is what I would think, but rather that this is perhaps what you are thinking?? Sorry if I am wrong.

If you have put two and two together and come up with half a dozen - my advice would be next time use a calculator as it's more likely to give the correct answer .............. unless, of course, you ahve reason to be suspicious and perhaps there is some past experience (proved/admitted I mean) that has led you think this way??? As your partner text back "what's up" I assume he either thinks there was genuinely something wrong or he thinks you were checking up on him - which it seems you were ...........? Is everything hunky-dorey in the relationship?
Question Author
Hi All

Thanks for your replies. Thank you to boxtops, ummmm and echokilo.

Sorry all but what i failed to mention is that im 4 months and 2 weeks pregnant and have a diagnosis of placenta previa, for those of you not sure what this is - GOOGLE it......wikipedia gives a very detailed answer.

Due to the length of the query that i posted on here, i felt i may have run out of space soon AND didnt want to bore you all silly. My partner of 10 years has a drink problem. OK OK....he doesnt drink during the week but drinks on a weekend the amount that someone who steadliy drank during the week, he actually drinks in 1 afternoon, lets say on a saturday afternoon. He has also managed which i hope im thinking right that he has managed to steer away from his gambling addiction to which i helped him out of £4,500 worth of debt. Ok he has given it me all back but that doesnt account for all the stress it put on our relationship, to which he then started gambling again but on a much smaller scale. i do think that he seems to have curbed this problem. As for the recent event of him being in the pub and not contacting me and lets say making the first move to let me know that he was home early and what i thought would have been a great chance to go shopping ready for our new arrival in april, instead it took me to text him fist and which i do beleive that if my friend hadnt seen him and he had not seen my friend, i wouldnt have been any the wiser. I have spoke to him about the fact that it would have been a great opportunity to make a good start on things and he says he doesnt have to let me know his whereabouts.

Now you all know a bit more about my situation, what do you think??

All answers greatly appreciated.
Why are you talking to us? Go talk to him if you are worried.
Ahhh well now that makes much more sense now that we have more context. I think the key is that your partner said he doesn't need to tell you his whereabouts ... he is right he doesn't NEED to and probably feels he HAS to given recent events with the gambling and drinking. You need to talk to him so next time he feels he WANTS to let you know when he has time on his hands to do things like the baby shopping. Sounds like you need to communicate more and let him know how you feel without creating extra pressure.

Remember YOU thought this was a good time for baby shopping - this was YOUR agenda, and probably didn't even cross his mind - this doesn't mean he is a bad person, just that we are all wired differently. Why don't you make some time together soon, nice meal or takeaway and suggest in advance that you start some baby shopping on line and planning a list and looking at costs etc - especially if money is tight and use the time to have a good natter .... and remember, just because he was in the pub the other day he MAY just have been having breakfast with his work pals - ie not drinking!

I hope you manage to talk things through - it is true that we can advise until the cows come home, but you two need to resolve this together...... sound slike you have strong foundations as you have got through a lot already. Good luck x
you do not know he would not have contcted you.

it was pretty early when he was seen - maybe he was having a couple with his mates before they all went home and when you texted him, questioning him, you have irritated him and that why he didnt come back sooner.
maybe he went back to work?

you are making a lot of assumptions here - you seem to think he should have just known you wanted to go shopping... why would he?

perhaps he just felt like a relaxing hour or two elsewhere, then come to you?

i think echokilo has it right, stop thinking about what you expect him to just do, and think about making it happen - ie, dont sit by back getting annoyed because he didnt think to go baby shopping - tell him thats what you want.
I don't mean to sound harsh but I presume you knew 5 months ago what he was like. You can't change someone, it's down to them to want different things for their future and certainly having a baby won't change them, if anything it puts more pressure on them.

No one is perfect, if you accepted him and his faults enough to reproduce with him then its a case of 'you made your bed'

I reiterate what I said in my first post, don't play games. If you have concerns, ring him. He answered your texts so he's not avoiding you or hiding anything (believe me, living in a pub the amount of men who pretended they weren't there when the phone rang) so all you're achieving is creating a scenario that may or may not happen.

Some people are their own worst enemy.
long shot... has he lost his job and is too proud to tell you ?
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Your friend needs to keep her nosy beak out. Sometimes friends are the worst enemies, and hate to see good relationships, if theirs isnt working. Hers might be brilliant, but she should not have felt the need to inform you that your partner was at the pub....its no big deal if he is.
Mountains and molehills come to mind.

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