Crosswords3 mins ago
Feelings for ex resurface every time i see him?
7 Answers
About a couple of months ago i slept with my ex, id been wanting to get back together and had heard from his friends that he still really liked me so i thought that meant something was happening. However after, although at first it seemed like he wanted to get back together after a couple of weeks it didnt so i asked him what was going on and he said we should just be friends. I was really angry and upset thinking he had led me on terribly and said i didnt want to be frienss and avoided seeing him for a while. That was hard as we share all the same friends and its impossible to avoid him and when i see him my old feelings for him resurface and i dont know what to do. Il never go back to him or tell him of this but it still hurts when i see him especially with other girls and it always ends up ruining my night when we are out. What should i do!
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There is not a lot you can do. You still are wishing and hoping to get back together, and while he is quite willing to take whatever is on offer from you, he is now seeing other people. The best advice is to go to places where you wont see him. It is always difficult to be the one wishing that a relationship had not ended. I hope that you can find someone new before long.
Yes - you need to find somewhere else to hang out, where you WON'T see him. You need to break free and him to know you have. As long as you are going to the same place he knows he can get to you by being with other girls! Give him something to think about. He loves that you appear wherever he is - you are boosting his ego by doing what you are doing - free yourself from him he obviously isn't worth it and doesn't deserve your attention. You won't ever be free of thinking about him if you keep putting yourself in those situations. Put yourself first, change where you go, that way you will meet new friends and not have to hang out with friends you share. That could be your excuse not to move on - but you have to and you won't by repeating the same behaviours.
Sister, sister....
Okay. I went back and read your comment history to see if you'd made any other comments since you haven't commented here since you posted this question.
Now. I preface what I am ABOUT to say by saying: Everything I say is to HELP you think RATIONALLY about your ex. I am NOT trying to hurt your feelings. So here we go:
a.) STOP talking to your mutual friends about this man. 3 reasons why: #1) friends, even REAL friends, love drama. The ongoing situation between you & your ex is entertainment, gossip material, & something to talk about other than their lives. #2.) Some friends do not like to hurt other peoples feelings, so they will tell you what you want to hear b/c, in a twisted way, they are trying to make you feel better. #3.) You DO realize that while they are telling you what he said, they are also "ad-libbing" and not telling you EXACTLY what he said. Not only that, but they are telling HIM what YOU say (and not in your exact words, either).
b.) IF the man truly cared about you, he wouldn't treat you like you were a revolving door, there for his convenience. Kissing you, sleeping with you, and then just saying "see ya later"....NOT COOL! Especially not cool if the man knows you have feelings for him. That means he is using you b/c it is convenient--NOT b/c he has any real feelings for you. That also means he has no intention of planning any real future with you.
c.) Regardless of what excuse he gives as to why you and he can only be friends, DO NOT make excuses for why he made those excuses. As in, don't say "he really cares about me, he just can't be with me because he has to travel a lot", or "he really cares, but he can't be with me b/c he's been hurt before & he's not over it" OR, "he really cares, but his life is so hectic, he can't get involved right now"....NONE of these excuses (or any other) are valid!
***When a man TRULY wants a women--He will change his entire life to make her his. There is NOTHING that gets in his way of getting to her--he will MAKE time in his life for her. He will stay celibate until he can see her again. He will constantly contact her and really 'talk' to her in the hope of being able to be with her. IF a man REALLY wants to be with a woman, he'll be with her, that's all there is to it.
d.) If a man does NOT want to be with a woman, but wants to keep her as an "optional bed partner" on those needy nights he has, he will make every excuse in the WORLD as to why they can't be together right then. And that is what your ex has done, I am sorry to say.
e.) If the main pattern of you and your ex seeing one another surrounds alcohol--there is no future between the two of you. He is drunk & filling a void in the heat of the moment. He isn't thinking about how his selfish actions may effect you.
f.) in one of your posts, you said you & he agreed when you began the relationship that it was "casual" b/c both of you had other things going on & neither of you wanted to be tied down.
* First: you lied. To yourself and him. You wanted a relationship w/this man, but you knew HE didn't, so you agreed to the casual. Never lie--especially to yourself.
* Second: NEVER agree to casual if you know yourself well enough to know that you can't do casual.
* Third: the MINUTE you agreed to 'casual', you made a verbal contract with this man--he can keep using you, not giving you anything in return, and guess what, YOU agreed to it!
g.) ALWAYS start out as you mean to go on. Enjoy yourself, have fun, but ALWAYS put your own wants/needs first. You show a man that attitude, & if he wants to be with you, he'll put you first too.
h.) Your ex is disrespectful of you when you are NOT together. Being together won't make him treat you any better.
i.) This man sounds like a broccoli & you can do bad by yourself. Start fresh w/someone else, start out RIGHT, & stay true to yourself. Happiness WILL come.
Okay. I went back and read your comment history to see if you'd made any other comments since you haven't commented here since you posted this question.
Now. I preface what I am ABOUT to say by saying: Everything I say is to HELP you think RATIONALLY about your ex. I am NOT trying to hurt your feelings. So here we go:
a.) STOP talking to your mutual friends about this man. 3 reasons why: #1) friends, even REAL friends, love drama. The ongoing situation between you & your ex is entertainment, gossip material, & something to talk about other than their lives. #2.) Some friends do not like to hurt other peoples feelings, so they will tell you what you want to hear b/c, in a twisted way, they are trying to make you feel better. #3.) You DO realize that while they are telling you what he said, they are also "ad-libbing" and not telling you EXACTLY what he said. Not only that, but they are telling HIM what YOU say (and not in your exact words, either).
b.) IF the man truly cared about you, he wouldn't treat you like you were a revolving door, there for his convenience. Kissing you, sleeping with you, and then just saying "see ya later"....NOT COOL! Especially not cool if the man knows you have feelings for him. That means he is using you b/c it is convenient--NOT b/c he has any real feelings for you. That also means he has no intention of planning any real future with you.
c.) Regardless of what excuse he gives as to why you and he can only be friends, DO NOT make excuses for why he made those excuses. As in, don't say "he really cares about me, he just can't be with me because he has to travel a lot", or "he really cares, but he can't be with me b/c he's been hurt before & he's not over it" OR, "he really cares, but his life is so hectic, he can't get involved right now"....NONE of these excuses (or any other) are valid!
***When a man TRULY wants a women--He will change his entire life to make her his. There is NOTHING that gets in his way of getting to her--he will MAKE time in his life for her. He will stay celibate until he can see her again. He will constantly contact her and really 'talk' to her in the hope of being able to be with her. IF a man REALLY wants to be with a woman, he'll be with her, that's all there is to it.
d.) If a man does NOT want to be with a woman, but wants to keep her as an "optional bed partner" on those needy nights he has, he will make every excuse in the WORLD as to why they can't be together right then. And that is what your ex has done, I am sorry to say.
e.) If the main pattern of you and your ex seeing one another surrounds alcohol--there is no future between the two of you. He is drunk & filling a void in the heat of the moment. He isn't thinking about how his selfish actions may effect you.
f.) in one of your posts, you said you & he agreed when you began the relationship that it was "casual" b/c both of you had other things going on & neither of you wanted to be tied down.
* First: you lied. To yourself and him. You wanted a relationship w/this man, but you knew HE didn't, so you agreed to the casual. Never lie--especially to yourself.
* Second: NEVER agree to casual if you know yourself well enough to know that you can't do casual.
* Third: the MINUTE you agreed to 'casual', you made a verbal contract with this man--he can keep using you, not giving you anything in return, and guess what, YOU agreed to it!
g.) ALWAYS start out as you mean to go on. Enjoy yourself, have fun, but ALWAYS put your own wants/needs first. You show a man that attitude, & if he wants to be with you, he'll put you first too.
h.) Your ex is disrespectful of you when you are NOT together. Being together won't make him treat you any better.
i.) This man sounds like a broccoli & you can do bad by yourself. Start fresh w/someone else, start out RIGHT, & stay true to yourself. Happiness WILL come.
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