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Dating Site - genuine people?

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liquidspace | 15:37 Tue 15th Nov 2011 | Relationships & Dating
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My question is kind of along these lines: if someone is on a dating site and is pretending to be someone or something they are not what are they actually getting out of it?

I have been exchanging mails with a man who is an italian businessman, an engineer who travels the world. Bottom line is that he wants to buy me presents, says he has fallen for me and basically he seems too good to be true in the things he says to me. He says he is a widow and that I now have his heart etc.

Im dubious until I actually meet him. What would be the point of someone pretending to be someone or something they are not? Surely after I've met him I will know whether he is genuine or not?


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Khandro, some people don't have to go on dating sites, they just do because it's another perfectly viable way of meeting people, and why not!
Liquidspace, if his only fault so far is being a bit too needy and wanting to buy you stuff then take it as that, something that raises suspicion.
I don't see the benefit in assuming anyone trying to be nice to you is in it...
17:37 Tue 15th Nov 2011
Not sure, BUT if he asks for money for any reason, DONT send him any and change your e-mail address.
Why do women post photographs of themselves on dating sites, that show them 20 years younger?......too impress.........

Same for impressive CV.
its all too common these days unfortunately, he could be a normal guy who is dressing up his profile info in order to get more feedback, he could be one of those guys who has no interest in meeting and essentially just enjoys the flirting, or he could even be a scammer.

the good thing is you have recognised his too good to be true persona.
Because they are living a fantasy in their heads.
Nowt as queer as folk though is there! People do this all the time on these sort of sites, God knows why! A friend of mine met someone like this and he wasn't a bit like he stated, nor did he look like his photo. When she mentioned this, he just shrugged, so she decided to sit it out and never see him again, but he went to the gents and never came back!! She was devastated and vowed never to use internet dating sites again. And yes, she was honest in describing herself and posted a recent photo.
Or he could be married....
We set a chap at work up with a girl on a dating site........they've been married for about 10 years now.
There are plently of stories of women who have been told similar things to you, made to believe the person is completely in love with them and then fleece for everything they have.

I'm not saying that is what is happening in your case but if he asks to borrow any money for anything at all, say no.
My first thought was that he is married. But he could just be a very nice man.
How long have you been talking to him?
Question Author
Ive been chatting about three weeks or so. He is widowed, I have seen lots of different pix of him, some of which with his wife at the time, pix of him when he was a lot younger. He is in Malaysia and phoned me to say he wanted to buy me a laptop and anything else I needed so it's not the case of him taking from me, yet the other way around. p.s. what does a scammer actually get out of doing this. I am dubious when I don't know whether I should be or not in this case.
If he wants to send you stuff, that must mean that he'll need your home address?

Ooooo that'd make me suspicious and not a little bit scared!
I personally wouldnt want the stuff, he is essentially a stranger. I would like to keep that element of distance from him
Question Author
No he will give it to me when we meet
I wouldn't trust any man who before he has met me says a) he's fallen for me and b) he wants to buy me things.
3 weeks is too soon. Especially declaring love.....

Scammers want to buy you things to gain your confidence.
I wouldn't accept an expensive present from someone I hardly know, it would seem very wrong to me.
Question Author
That's why im posting on here; to get people's views as it seems odd to me too. Cant help being sceptical. Why do scammers get your confidence by buying you expensive presents? I dont have any money to give anyone anyway even if I was stupid enough to do so, so therefore if he is trying to gain something he wont get anywhere! So therefore I really am stuck as to what to think with this situation.
he may be after a british passport?
Question Author
If I met him, got to know him, found out more about him, what car he drove, whether he really is as rich as he says (which he must be if he travels the world) - and if he appeared to be all he said , then why would he need a british passport? Guess I have to trust before I run away as he could just be genuine. I can't really tell him that I think he is after a British passport at the moment I dont think!

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