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Apathy
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I just ended things with my girlfriend of a year. It took a long time and big messy situations (eg wth her live together boyf at the time) for me to 'get' her and was sure it was love and could quite happily see myself with her forever. It was great, and we were truly blissful. About 10 months after we got together i felt a bit bored, then started fancying other people, cheated, told her, we got back together - thought that's what i wanted and then i got really bored and a bit annoyed by it all and ended it. It's been about a month and the whole time i've barely thought about it. She's crushed. I suppose my question is why this happened. I had no control over how i felt and wasn't faking any of it. I genuinely was in love with her from the moment we met and for the 2 years following that, and then i just switched off. I don't understand how i've just changed and doubt i'll meet anyone who i'll want to stay with for any serious period of time. Anyone else been through this?
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I think EVERYONE has been through this- except my Grandparents who only went out with and married each other! Not everyone breaks up for a dramatic reason. Sometimes people just get bored, realise what they have is not enough anymore and just stop the relationship. From your point of view, it could be because you are young (are you young?) and you just need to see other people. Or you could bump into Ms. Right tomorrow and KNOW that this is it. I think what you are experiencing is real life. I wouldn't worry about it, unless you are 56 and really want kids!!
Perhaps you liked the thrill of the chase - the fact you had to 'battle' to 'get' her reinforced feelings of love that might not have otherwise developed. That�s not meant to demean your feelings in any way; I�m sure you did feel love for her but I think that are many different levels of love, some more transient and fleeting than others. You will know the �real� thing, that is meant to last, when the right person comes along so I shouldn't worry unduly. As long as you don't set out to deliberately hurt people, you just have to go with your feelings.
I agree with Miss Zippy, the "idea" of her being your girlfriend was obviously much better than her actually being yur girlfriend. This happens all the time, not just in relationships, for example i kept seeing these cookies and they looked and smelt so yum, but i was on a diet, one day i caved in and they weren't as good as i'd imagined them to be, i felt let down and disppointed. Maybe you had built her up in your head as the perfect girlfriend and were then disappointed with her in reality.
I agree with what's been said. I guess you to just weren't right for each other, people look for reasons when sometimes, there just aren't any. Just didn't work out. The feelings faded. Doesn't mean you didn't love her to start with.
The only thing I would say, is if you find yourself in this situation again, bail on the relationship before you have sex with someone else. From what you say, it doesn't seem like you were blissfully happy with this girl, then met someone else who blew you away, and you simply had to have her. You were having thoughts about other people before the event - you're not an animal - try and exercise some self-control next time, eh?
My gf of 11 years did the same to me. I was devastated at the time, but things over the years had just changed, and now I appreciate that things were probably not right although I would have happily continued blinded by my own feelings. She had just had enough of me and wanted to experience life and other things. It hurts because it is personal.
I am a nice person, a generous and affectionate boyfriend, but also a bit of a git and a lay about as well. I'm not perfect (but almost!) things were just not meant to be in that relationship. I am very happy now in my current relationship and am getting married in 14 months.
Yeah I've been through pretty much the same thing. I sometimes wonder if I did the right thing by ending it, but she's really happy now and is married with a little girl. I always remember at the time wondering if I'd regret it later on, but told myself to remind myself that if I ever did start to feel regret, that it really was the right thing at the time. I haven't met anyone like that since, but it doesn't mean we were right for eachother!
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