What does my dream mean?

[jem_bob]

It's happened twice now in the last week... I have dreamt that my boyfriend is cheating on me. The first time, I caught him in the act and he acted like it wasn't a big deal and I meant nothing to him. I then was comforted by one of his friends that I know, and ended up with him! The second one was last night, my boyfriend had cheated on me twice with a girl I work with. I managed to work it out by him texting me off her phone early in the morning, thinking I didn't have her number. I phoned him to confront him and he admitted it, and laughed, again as if I meant nothing to him. We're in the process of buying a flat together, and I've been a bit wobbly about it lately. We're only 21 and it worries me that a couple of years down the line, I might wish I hadn't settled down so early on. Is this me subconsciously hoping that he'll do something wrong, so that I have a legitimate reason to end it? I hope not! I love him and know he would never cheat on me. What do you think?

[Lakitu]

According to a dream meaning website:

To dream that your mate, spouse, or significant other is cheating on you, indicates your fears of being abandoned. You may feel a lack of attention in the relationship. Alternatively, you may feel that you are not measuring up to the expectations of others. This notion may stem from issues of trust or self-esteem. The dream could also indicate that you are unconsciously picking up hints and cues that your significant other is not being completely truth or is not fully committed in the relationship.

Do any of those theories ring true for you?

[Doolallygirl]

I think it is just you panicking about things, like you said yourself, you are unsure at times of buying the flat together and that is a big commitment. You are worried things will go wrong and this is just reflected in your dream.

If you are really worried about him cheating (which I don't think you are in your heart of hearts) then I would talk to him about it and perhaps put the flat buying on hold for a while.

[jem_bob]

Thanks guys, I don't think for one second he is cheating on me. Why would he be committing to the flat if that were the case? I know he wouldn't do that. Lakitu, I think you're spot on. I put a post on a few weeks ago about how EVERYTHING to do with buying the flat has been left to me. I found the place, got quotes from numerous mortgage lenders, applied for the mortgage, found a solicitor etc. We're almost at completion and my partner has done nothing at all to help, except pay the money (hehe). This reinforces your theory that I feel abandoned.

One thing that worries me, is that in both dreams I obviously ended the relationship. I then felt a real sense of being free and of course I was upset, but also a bit relieved. This scares me that my subconscious is telling me I want to end it. I don't though!

[Lakitu]

Oh I remember that thread, did you talk to him about it and he's making an effort now?

Maybe the feeling free in your dream after finishing with him signifies that you want to be free of the almost sole responsibility of making buying a flat for you both happen?

[jem_bob]

I did talk to him, yep. He understood that I was under stress and offered to help. That lasted oh... about 3 days and then went back to normal! To be honest I don't mind, because I know if I'm doing it, it's being done properly and it will actually get done! I just wanted him to show he was willing to help, if that makes sense. He's taking me out to dinner tonight to show me how grateful he is, which is nice.

But I think I am just looking forward to it all being over and the contracts being exchanged. It's funny how the brain processes all these thoughts into dreams!

[sqad617]

Aged 21....moving into a flat with boyfriend whom I guess is also around 21yrs.....bl00dy stupid.

[Doolallygirl]

sqad617 that's a little harsh! Some of my friends were married and moved in together by 21 and they are still going strong! (One has 3 kids in with the bargain now!)

[jem_bob]

Has that got anything to do with what I asked? No, so f**k off. I'm sick of people like you who waste their time making derogatory comments when people are asking genuine questions.

[jem_bob]

Doolallygirl, thank you! It's not like this was a spur of the moment thing. We have been together for 3 years and have been thinking about moving in together for around 18 months. We felt the time was right now, due to the drop in house prices. So squad617, please keep your unhelpful comments to yourself.

[sqad617]

Doolallygirl.....you are quite correct it was a bit strong, but was from the heart.

Your friends married before they were 21 and have kids, makes them perhaps late 20yrs.........be interested to have this discussion in 10yrs time when they are in their thirties with teen aged children.

Of course it can succed, but statistically is a non starter and at 21+ you need to live and develop your life impartially for the next 5yrs or so.

The dream....that was the question....what is that really about?

[jem_bob]

Yes... statistically. But statistically 1 in every 2 marriages fails these days (or something like that). But both my parents and my partner's parents couldn't be happier together. They are proof that it can work. And chances are that if we have both come from steady home backgrounds, we will have learnt by example.

That is what I was asking on here for. I'm no dream expert and wondered what others interpretations were.

[Doolallygirl]

I'm 26 and live at home still so I think it's pretty brave to be moving into your own flat at 21 but if you can afford to do it (you're right, now is a very good time to be doing it) then good luck to you. Like Jem said, it's not like it's a spur of the moment thing, and should things not work out it's not the end of the world, at least she can say she tried and failed rather than didn't bother trying in the first place.

What's wrong with being optimistic about a relationship??! Live for today, you are a long time dead I say!!

[sqad617]

jem_bob........sad that you post a question and only accept rep0lies that suit you, but of course that is your perogative so yes, to quote I will "f.ck off". That last remark says it all.

[jem_bob]

What a fab attitude Doolallygirl! If only there were more people like you in the world, and less who just see the bad in everything. The worst case scenario... it doesn't work, we wait for the housing market to pick up and then put the flat up for sale. Yeah, we'll have lost money out of it, but what's money when your happiness is at stake? I wouldn't be doing it, if I didn't think it would work. The dream is bound to be about anxiety, but who isn't anxious when taking a big step like this?

[jem_bob]

I accept replies that are relevant to the question. Yours was just a complete waste of both mine and your time. I wonder what kind of person spends their day searching on here, just to make pointless and derogatory comments?

[sqad617]

OK...the relevance of my answer.....was the dream about your anxiety in moving in with your boyfriend.? I would suggest it was and that in my opinion was the relevance of my answer.

What kind of person spends their day trawling the network looking for the opportunity to make derogatory remarks.....perhaps some one who has made mistakes and tries to suggest to other hoe to avoid them.

Dream....Realitiy....Anxiety....get it?

[jem_bob]

Right, well thank you for your input. My point is you could have done it in a nicer way. I accept your answer and maybe you're right. It's interesting to receive different interpretations. That's why I asked the question on here.

[Lakitu]

Squad :(

[DaisyMae]

My twopennorth for what it is worth - age is no measure of maturity. I was married at 19 and had my first child at just a little over 21. I am still married to the same man some 54 years later with children and grandchildren. My friend on the other hand, waited until she was 30 to take the plunge and has never had a settled home or relationship since. Just two sides of the coin to demonstrate that age is not that important. As Jem says, her home background of loving parents will have a far greater influence and has stood her and her partner in good stead so far. Now it is up to them to make a go of it.

The dream signifies stress, which is hardly surprising. Try to put it out of your mind since it seems to be adding to that stress.

The doubts you are having are perfectly normal and show that you are indeed mature enough to question this huge step you are taking. Since you have clearly thought about it, then it would seem to me to be the best thing at the best time.

One word of caution, your man doesn't seem to want to take the full responsibility for the purchase of the flat. In my experience this is quite normal behaviour for a man. All the organising in life has been left to me and although sometimes a bit daunting, I have felt, like you, that at least it will be done right and thoroughly.

Good luck !!