Gay friend

[Headless Rat]

I'm pretty sure my best friend is gay but I'm also pretty sure he will never have the courage to come out or even tell a few of his closest friends. This worries me as I obviously don't want him to be unhappy and alone. Does anyone have any advice on how to handle the situation? T
hanks

[frajon]

I would approach this by telling him we have been best friends for x years and will continue to be,i am only talking like this because you seem to have a different attitude to life than me, and i will ask outright are you gay if so say so but our friendship remains as before,
ps, i have quite a few gay workmates in the job i do, i would sooner work alongside of them than some of the straights.

[4getmenot]

I had a mate like this who never came out to his friends, the place we live I guess is very homophobic and he didn�t come out till he moved away to Scotland where he could. I felt really bad when I got the letter explaining all about it and apparanetly one day we were all round my mates watching the eastenders episode where simon kissed tony and I sat there and went eeeeuggh. I feel quite bad that he couldn�t say anything after that. He is very happy now. As regards to your mate it is entirely up to him, and it is only him that will make his life the way it is not necessary the way he wants it to be. Just stand by him whatever he decides.

[xroads]

I have a mate who is gay, but he never would admit it to anybody other than me.
I offered him some words of support and gave him the courage to be proud of being gay.
Now he's a confident as your average gay person who jumps about singing and dancing etc.

[caz247]

i agree with 4getmenot
the only bit about your post i don't understand is
why you think he will be unhappy and alone

[sexyrussiann]

I'm lesbian and was "caught red handed" with my girlfriend(paron the expression) so had no choice but to come out. To be honest I think I would be happier if I was still in the closet so to speak. Coming out is not a weight off your shoulders and opens the doros to a whole lot of grief. He is better in the closet.

[4getmenot]

you are still in the closest russian your family dont know remember

[xroads]

Now don't be nasty russ, "he is better off in the closet"
Doesn't mean all gay and lesbian people use closets for whatever reason.

[caz247]

wish she was kept in the closet instead of the
ivory tower world she lives in

[4getmenot]

a water closet

[xroads]

yes 4get i suppose it would get a bit "watery" in there!

[jiggy-gb]

He might quite enjoy having a secret life, have you ever thought of that? If your friend trusts you and wants you to know then he'll tell you when he's good and ready, you shouldn't force the issue.

Have you thought what you'd say if you asked him and he said he wasn't gay but why did you think he was by the way?

Just make it clear you're there for him as a friend, gay or not, he'll appreciate that, you sound like a lovely friend to me.

[Jugglering]

I am going to be really dull here and ask *what situation* ??? Has your friend said he is unhappy ? If not, I'd leave well alone, it's up to him. I am a very happy singleton and get a bit fed up at times when friends decide what my needs are ! Mind you, it is nice to know that friends care, but I'd really rather they asked me if I wanted a date or three.... hehe. Honest, Rat, not everyone needs or wants a partner.