Mum's Funeral

[Yodel]

How do I get through my Mum's funeral next Friday without completely breaking down? I'd appreciate any tips for coping please.

[devilwoman]

please dont feel that you have to stay strong and hold it togeher for everone else sake, if you have other family members use them for support and lean on them for comfort, help each other through it, the greiving process has hardly started at this point. if you break down and cry its natural and no one will think anything of it. your mum is the most important person in your life, she brought you in to world and raised you, you will feel desperatly sad and miserable but families can be brought together and help each othwer through it. i'm sorry for your loss, its a terrible thing to lose loved ones at any time of life. best wishes xxx

[unruliejulie]

Yodel, you cant! Just go with it. No-one will think anything less of you if you break down, Its your Mum you've lost .Let it out, i believe it helps anyway. I hope you get through it as best you can but please dont worry about that, I'm so sorry for your loss. X

[Fee_B77]

Yodel

use your friends and family like the others have said. Nobody expects you to be heroic after such a sad loss. Grief is one of the most natural things in the world. As is pride. Be proud of the relationship you had with your mother. Be proud on the day that you have people around you who understand what you're going through and WILL help you. Most of all, don't feel alone. On a personal level i believe that your most beloved never leave you. If they're not with you in spirit they're in your very heart and soul.

Please don't think that breaking down would be a bad thing. Say a prayer to whoever and whatever you believe in. Sending you lots of love.

F x

[naomi24]

Try to think of your mum's funeral as a celebration of her life, but don't be afraid to cry. I don't know in what circumstances she died, but if she suffered, then remember that she's suffering no more and try to be happy for her. Losing your mum is the hardest thing and my heart goes out to you. My mum died 17 years ago, and although I think of her and miss her every day, I know that one day I'll see her again - and you'll see yours again too.

Lots of love to you. xx

[bobtheduck-]

if you break down you break down its completely understandable and its often better than just keeping it bottled up no one will think any less of you

[smiffy65]

my heart goes out to you yodel, its the worst thing in the world to lose your Mum,but believe me you will cope, and you probably will break down but your family and friends will be there for you to lean on,when the funeral is over remember your Mum will still be there with you she will never leave you, speak to her as if she was still on earth,but always remember that she is now in a better place than this, speak to her through the intercession of the blessed virgin Mary a very powerful lady,and I am sure you will get answers, and soon you will find yourself talking very proudly about your dear Mum with the very fond and special memories you will always hold dear,and remember always that you will meet again,
May God bless and keep you strong
Kathy X

[dot.hawkes]

Everyone here is right Yodel, it will be very very unusual if you didn't break down. If you have any children who are able to, get them to volunteer to step up and do a family reading, you can write it but spend a few days with them putting it together. There is alot to think about before the funeral and on the day you will be perfectly entitled to be however you want to be. If it is a burial i [personally found that a very very upsetting part of the day. You need yout cl;ose family with you, there is nothing to do but get through it and let your loss take its course.

[funkymoped]

Yodel.
there is no advice that can be given. there is nothing that can prepare you for your moms funeral...
just take the day as it comes. from my own experience, i know it hurts more than anything ide ever imagined.
take strength from the love of your family and friends and dont feel you have to be strong...
i wish i could give better advice, but i cant.

i also know "sorry" isnt strong enough, but i am "sorry" to hear of your loss.....

[Carakeel]

Dear Yodel, my heart goes out to you. I know what you must be feeling right now, as I lost my father many years ago and my darling son as well. Please yodel, don't put yourself under unneccessary pressure. You will be as you need to be on the day. We can't really plan ahead in these matters as the loss we feel is not something we can control fully. Those around you who truly care about you will understand no matter how you react and you may even surprise yourself and find great strength on the day. I didn't cope well at my son's funeral. He had died just three days before his 21st birthday of brain cancer and no matter how I had tried to prepare ... on the day there was nothing that could console me or allow me to find strength. I had found so much strength for him before he died but this one day was just too much for me. I found my strength again in the days after the funeral, when I realised that it is up to us who remain, just how much of the person we loved we actually lose. I lost Kevin's body, touching him and hearing him, the sight of him entering a room, his hugs etc., But I decided I would never lose his love, his intelligent mind, my memories. He would always live on in my heart, forever young and beautiful, forever safe. It is these thoughts that helped me regain my strength and face the world again. The anniversary of Kevin's death was only a few days ago. It has been 17 years since I held him as he died in my arms. In these 17 years he and I - and the rest of my family - have laughed together, cried together, shared our lives ... but in a new way. You will too when things have settled. Just keep your mum in your heart. Don't be afraid to talk about her and laugh with her when you are with others who knew her and when you are on your own. You are allowed and nobody who matters will think the worse of you for it. I wish you and your family love, strength and courage for the days and months ahead. Big hug and best wishes.

[funnygirl]

Yodel, I know exactly what you are going through. I lost my mum a year ago this week. I remember her funeral just like yesterday. I am not ashamed to say I broke down. You need to let these emotions and feelings out. Nobody thought any worse of me, it is a natural thing.
I will think of you on friday. Stay strong.

[Mammar]

Whatever you do, don't bottle up your feelings.
Your Mum wouldn't want that because, believe me, it can make you ill.
The tears are nothing more than a sign of your love for your Mum and no-one will think any the less of you for that.
And anyway, the day is your chance to say a proper "goodbye" to her. Forget all the others around you - Just be yourself and be true to your heart. She'll know.

[joko]

i'd agree with what everyone else says, but in practical terms, get yourself some Kalms and some Rescue Remedy from a chemist.
these are herbal remedies and they should help you cope better.

and make sure you have plenty of tissues.

[Kacee]

Yodel, my thoughts are with you at this very sad time. I lost my Mum over 4 years ago and I still haven't got over it. At the time, lots of well-meaning people told me that time would heal the pain- without sounding awful, well I could have thumped them! I couldn't imagine my life without her, and couldn't bear to think of a future without my Mum. However, they were quite right.
On the day of her funeral, my 16 year old son, who was extremely close to her had asked to do a reading. I told him he didn't have to, but he said it was for his Nana. When he got up in church, I'll never forget the way he looked straight at my Mum's coffin, then straightened his shoulders , put his chin up and went to the altar. I was so proud amd thought that if he could do that, hurting as much as he was, yet coping somehow,then I would try too, for my Mum. My brave face didn't last long though, but never mind.
He and my 12 year old daughter had also written letters to her and they were read out by the vicar. Unbelievably, there was laughter as well as tears in the church that day, and I really felt that my Mum was somehow looking after them.
Sorry to waffle, but we all have different ways of coping with loss; mine is to talk about my Mum. She was one unique lady.
I will be thinking about you and your family on Friday. Don't worry about anybody else, just be yourself, your Mum would understand. x

[joby1]

I agree with everyone above, just get through it however you can, and have a bit of quiet time, to remember her and weep if you need to, bawl your eyes out if you want to, best wishes xx

[fitdave]

Yodel,
My heart goes out to you.

I can only agree with all your other answers and add my sympathy and support.

At the funeral you can cry, scream, stamp your feet and release any emotion or outburst you like. It is not only expected, it helps others to release theirs.

If you remain composed everyone else will feel as if they are letting you down, by not being 'strong' for you. It's a very tragic loss and if you cry with others you will feel united in your grief.

I lost my dad, and as an only son felt I should be strong and composed, for my mum and sister, so they could lean on me. It just doesn't work. There is no shame in showing how sad you are.

I imagine you are female, so forgive me if I'm wrong, so will only offer the advice that I gained from my bad day... as a woman you could do what my mum and sister did.
Wear a large hat, no makeup and as your tears fall, pull the brim forward. Mum said even though everyone knew she was crying, she could keep her puffy eyes to herself.

I am so sorry for you.
However you cope, there is no shame, I doubt there will be many dry eyes.

[Yodel]

Thanks everyone for your kind thoughts and advice. I will get through it the best I can and if I breakown, so be it.