help!

[alc2285]

How do I learn to like my boyfriends rude, disrespectful and whiny 7 year old son?

[devilwoman]

get to know him a bit better, what his intrests are, who his friends are and so on. play games, read to him and so on, as he gets to know you more he should be less whiny. and you never know, he may even begin to like you.

[chitchat]

Please remember that this little boy is in a situation that is not of his making. He maybe very upset with his parents being separated. Children are not very good at communicating so they tend to play up to get attention or just out of frustration to a situation that they have no control over.

Try to get along with him as devilwoman suggested. You be surprised that you both might enjoy each others company. Good luck coz it may not be easy but it might just be worth the effort.

[benjiesmum]

Talk to your boyfriend too you both need to be united in front of the son. This will help. I agree with chitchat - this situation isn't of his making but nevertheless rudeness (rather than just being a bit off with you) is not acceptable. Make sure that little boy doesn't feel left out when you are all together. However, you say he is rude and disrespectful - is he like this with his dad too? Spend some time alone with him - maybe take him to the park or read a story with him this will bring you closer. It's hard though - I know I had a similar situation thirty years ago with my (now) husband's 9 year old son. He was really rude and tried make life very difficult for us. He didn't win though and he's OK now!!!!

[mollymandy]

You dont .. if you want a relationship with your boyfriend , then you will have to try . remember he is pushing your buttons because he thinks your a thret to his relationship with his father , give them time together alone , pamper yourself while they are having a good time together , go to the gym or the beauty parlour , be patient it will come in time . set up some fun activities together like wall climbing things that will show you trust each other , make him laugh . let his friends come over . get him some books from the library about separate parents ect . most of all stay sane , be kind to yourself , meet up with your friends when you can live your life how you want to . dont get too stressed about it , chill .

[merlin58]

Sadly I feel its not worth the pain. The problems you have now will get more difficult as the years go past. I have tried hard for 10 years to make things work out with my two step kids, now aged 21 & 24. The rest of the relationship is quite good, buts Its a waste of time to keep trying to make it work anymore with her kids . I will shortly be moving on.

Blood really is thicker than water and your boyfriend is the root of your problem - in that he will almost always take his sons side when the going gets though. If not now he will certainly do so in a few years. Any problems will always be your fault, any arguments will always be down to you, or so they will say. You will always feel divided and often isolated. Emotional security is a real issue in that your home will always be at risk. It will become a battlegound and your boyfriend will start saying things like 'Im just caught in the middle' or 'Its like being in N.A.T.O.'

And what about the boys real mother? The grief and complications that relationship brings with it can be disastrous. Even if she is not around at the moment she will be at some point in the future. Then throw into the mix money and who pays for what.............

Do you really want a life-time of that?

Yes, one or two step families do work, but the overwelming majority do not, they collapse just leaving just a trail of pain and hurt.

Save yourself a lot of heart-ache and move on to someone with no baggage. Then build a life on your own terms.

If you decide to try and make it work then good luck, you really will need it.

[FlowerPetal]

Wow Merlin, i feel sorry for you and wish you all the best, but a little bit of positivity wouldnt have gone a miss <:O)
My step-son can be a little s** just like any other child his age. We have all been together 5 years and luckily, he took to me like a duck to water - his Bio mother left him at 18 months and now he calls me Mum. So, yes, it can work!
There are days when his Dad takes his side and tells me its his duty, but thats because it is - regardless of whether im his bio mum or not! We all have our bad days regardless of who our blood relations.
ALC, get to know him, spend time with him and leave him to spend time with his dad, BUT do not allow him to walk all over you. Chat with your partner about rules etc - i did, and i made it plain that if i was going to be apart of their family, then it was now going to be OUR FAMILY and i would also make rules. We decided as a family what we all expected from each other and stuck to it. If my s/son exceeds his goals - i praise him, if he crosses the boundaries - i tell him off, thats how it is in 'normal' families isnt it?
P.S, he was 51/2 at the time, so age isnt the problem either- just make the conversation easy for him to understand

Good Luck
Flower xx

[madamspud169]

You don't have to like him to treat him with the kindness, respect and care he so obviously needs just as long as you hide your true feelings towards him. In time you may be this childs stepmother so learning to treat him right is important plus in time you may actually find you like him.