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vincent101 | 20:42 Fri 22nd Dec 2006 | Body & Soul
6 Answers
My gf and me have been together since September, not long admittedly, but when first met it was love at first sight. Since then things have been going great but then a problem arose at the beginning of the month.
I work for a bank in mergers and acquisitions and have to do a hell of a lot of travelling with the job. And my gf has recently got worried about it all and saying that she doesn't necessarily believe that I am actually doing all this travelling and am I doing all meetings or are there social events etc
This then got to a situation where we split up last week over it all
On tuesday of this week we met up for a drink, as we had both missed each other very much and felt very empty without each other. And though all was a little stilted, we left saying that we would try again, but by wednesday morning she was on my phone saying that she'd spent all night thinking about it and just couldn't see a way forward because even though she loves me so much, she cant do anything other than worry about what I do when im away.
So I decided in the end to get my boss to call her to reassure her of my job, even though the call seemed to go very well, she says she still has doubts.

In the end I called her today and we said that we both just need the Christmas break to be apart and think about things, and see where we go from there.

I know she had a problem in the past with an ex boyfriend who lied to her and then cheated on her and she says that this is the reason for it, and that the reason she was single for so long (2 years). But is that really a reason why I should get this questioning and disbelieving me?
If so, what else can I do to convince her?

Or should I take this time over Christmas to just think, I tried all I could but now enough is enough, and try to move on without her?

I love her so much and do want us to have a future together, but not like this.


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I think you should just try to move on - sounds as if she is either extremely jealous or a total control freak - either way you don't need the hassle. I understand the feelings you have for her, but there are much better relationships waiting out there for you. (I've consulted my wife of 26 years over this and she agrees). I spent a lot of time away in my job - over two years and only home at weekends - but we never had this problem. One word - TRUST !
To be honest, if someone doesnt trust you when you have done nothing to give them mistrust, i dont see how you can change that. Sorry to sound negative but it seems her issues are more about herself than you.

Would she really be happy unless you were available 24/7 to prove you could be trusted? That's no way to have any relationship.

Just my opinion though, youve gotta do what your heart says at the end of the day

This is really hard for you isnt it when you have done nothing to cause her these doubts. But you will spend the rest of your life walking on eggshells if you stay in this relationship at the moment. Perhaps you girlfriend could seek some conselling about it. Until she gets help you will have to put yourself first. You deserve better.
Bravo chitchat .Iagree maybe she does need therapy if you give her no other cause to doubt you .She is probably at a loose end and then her mind start s working overtime
Hi there, a year ago I was cheated on and its the worst thing in the world. You spend the rest of your time looking for signs to see if your new partner or your cheating one is at it again. Its been over a year and I still think about what went on every day.

It is awful. Your lady is obviously letting her previous problems get the better of her therefore is being paranoid - she's looking for the signs!!

You sound like a nice lad, she will need a lot of re-assurance from you, a lot of love. Call her during your break or whilst your on your way to these business meetings just to tell her you love her.

You've got to talk to her, promise her with all your heart your wont cheat. Buy her flowers, choccies or perfume frequently. Someone has broken her now youve got to fix her!! You have got to make her feel like a princess. We all want to be a princess.

Good luck.
I disagree slightly with Poopy. I have been cheated on (as im sure the majority of people have). It doesnt, and never has, affected my relationships with new boyf's. I treat a new person on how they deserve to be treated, not based on someone elses actions.

Basically, if she thinks you are up to something when you have never given her cause to think this, then you are banging your head on a brick wall and the whole relationship will be a stuggle.

Remember, at the start is when things are good. Relationships get harder and harder as time goes on. If you are finding it difficult now, imagine 1yr, 2yrs, 3yrs down the line.

The first six months should be amazing, not hard work.

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