Donate SIGN UP

Nice Guys Finish Last!

Avatar Image
Chappers | 13:23 Tue 22nd Aug 2006 | Body & Soul
15 Answers
So you meet a woman right, there's OBVIOUS attraction on both sides, she gives you her

phone number without you asking for it, you swap e-mail addresses...you spend the next

however long texting, chatting, instant messaging etc etc. She says that you are handsome,

talented, sweet...that she really likes you, that she has dreamt about you, sometimes even

fantasises about you! ;-) She calls you up and says that you have to meet up again, you go

along with it but it gets cancelled at the last minute because of outside events. She even

gets a bit jealous at the thought of you being close to another woman...
Gravatar

Answers

1 to 15 of 15rss feed

Best Answer

No best answer has yet been selected by Chappers. Once a best answer has been selected, it will be shown here.

For more on marking an answer as the "Best Answer", please visit our FAQ.
Question Author
You give in and admit to her that yes, she really does it for you...You continue to discuss plans for the next meetup but then she confesses that she had met another guy before she met you (lives a LOT closer to her than you do) that he's nice too and she has seen him a couple of times but doesn't know if anything will come of it, he wants to take things slowly but she doesn't know if that means he's keeping his options open. You suggest that if you are really into someone then you cannot get enough of them, surely that makes sense? Things continue pretty much as before, maybe slightly less frequent contact...there's still massive attraction between you both! There's definately a lot more contact between you two than her and this other guy! You have spent entire evenings chatting, something which she has not done with this other guy.
Question Author
She invites you to see the Rolling Stones with her at Twickenham (couple of days ago) but you can't go due to other commitments, you resist the urge to text or call her over the weekend...yesterday you speak to her and everything seems fine. A few hours later she says that what you have has to stop. That for the time being she has to at least try with this other guy because she met him first. That she's really sorry, that you're handsome, talented, sexy and all that other stuff she said before but it's not fair on the other guy to continue what you have and until she knows what's happening with him, she has to stop things with you to make her feel better. You can understand that right? She says she doesn't want to sever all contact with you keeping HER options open)
Question Author
So you say your goodbyes and straight away she is wondering why you aren't so talkative anymore!! Asks if you're alright? You give short sharp answers, no chit chat, don't want to encourage something other than basic friendship right? You go out for the evening to try and forget about her, you come back and she's left a couple of messages for you "just logged in to see if you were about and wanted to say goodnight, so goodnight, sleep well and speak soon xx"
Question Author
So now what? Do you just wait? There's no way you're gonna try and push the action right? Is she just playing female mind games? Is she waiting for you to contact her? Is she sitting at her desk now resisting the urge to email you or is she happy with her decision, is she really hoping deep down that you do contact her? Should you include her in funny email forwardings? Does ignoring women really work, or should you be more upfront? Are women really more attracted to as*holes than nice guys? Do nice guys really finish last?
What you do next is die of boredom reading your question! God, dont you go on! No wonder you spent all night talking, bet she didnt even get a word in, did she?
Wow! That's a lot for me to get my head round in one lunch time.

Right, nice guys don't always finish last and women aren't always attracted to muppets but sometimes nice guys aren't as pushy as the louder bad boy and women can get confused... I dare say it works the same for men. That's my first answer.

As far as your situation is concerned I'm seening a lot of texting, emailing, MSNing etc but no actual talking? Is this a fair assumption? (If not I apologise) I would say that it's time for an actual conversation, preferably in person (much better for judging reactions) or on the phone. Arrange to meet up or have a call, make clear this is not a date. You need to ask all the questions you've just asked to her as any answer I and any other ABer gives will be on presumptions and possibilities, she needs to tell you what's going on.

That said, if she won't meet up or even discuss this properly with you then I would give her a wide birth. My opinion would be she's keeping both options open because she is confused and if that is the case then it's best she has time to work stuff out in her own head on her own before she even attempts to see either of you. But as I said previously, that is only an opinion, you need to speak to her and throw all these questions at her.

Good luck xx
Wow! That's a lot for me to get my head round in one lunch time.

Right, nice guys don't always finish last and women aren't always attracted to muppets but sometimes nice guys aren't as pushy as the louder bad boy and women can get confused... I dare say it works the same for men. That's my first answer.

Sorry, got timed out and think computer got confused!
well, you have two options.

1) If you really like her and don't want to let her go you could send an email telling her how you feel... It doesn't have to be complicated just a few lines to express how you feel. Include that you took a step back as requested but found that she had the idea you were ignoring her. You also need to maintain the fact that you are interested in building a relationship with her, but are not happy to sit back whilst she swaps and changes her mind.

2) cut off all contact with her and move on.

It's difficult knowing someone you like is wanting make a go of it, but then has someone else in the background who is also trying for the same thing. For all you know she could be saying the exact same thing to him and basically playing you both against each other.
Keeping one of you as a friend probably wouldn't work because you or he would always hope for more.

Hope it all works out for you.
You're her backup incase things dont work out for her. Get on with your life and see other women but still keep in touch to keep your options open and to play her at her own game. She might even get jealous if your not hanging onto her every move and she might come running.
The answer to your question is NO nice guys don't always finish last, but Nice Guys deserve a nice Girl - not one who plays games, teases, and confuses. My advice is to cut the ties and try to get on with your life. If she comes back then the decision is yours my friend. xx
If she's just after fun then yeah nice guys do finish last, if she's after long term then no.
I'd ignore her and find someone else as she seems way too manipulative for me.
Question Author
Thanks for your answers, except booboopoo, you know where you can stick it!

Right, get on with my life it is...if she wants anything more, she's gonna have to come looking for it and then the ball will be in my court!

China doll, we have talked lots too, not just text and e-mail.
Question Author
Oh how the tables have turned!!

I'm totally under her skin now, the ball is in my court but I promise I won't abuse my position of power!

Thanks for the (good) advice everyone!
Good luck with it all then Chappers xx

1 to 15 of 15rss feed

Do you know the answer?

Nice Guys Finish Last!

Answer Question >>