Express yopurself

[salisbury]

I have just been in a meeting involving 3 fellow Graphic Designers and my boss. My question is, why do i find it so so hard to express opinion or show emotion?

The 3 other designers have been working here a few year whereas Ive been here now for 2 i think.....but I am the same in life, when people are talking I find it hard to relate or to voice an opinion and usually get drownde out by others.

It was highlighted in thise meeting by the boss who put me on the spot and i felt awful ! I just said to him that I didnt feel I had as much experience as the other 3, but that is a lame excuse....


It is a flaw in my personality that I am introverted and keep everything to myself, at the age of 23 I should be able to stand my ground, stand up for myself and put my opinions accross and not care what people think of me so much !!!


Its rralyy getting me down

Any feedback would be great

Dan

[Imp y Celyn]

i think you should follow all previous advice given to you on here and seek out some courses in self esteem and self confidence. you keep saying how frustrated you are and how it is getting you down, but at the same time you are doing nothing to help change that.

[Imp y Celyn]

some here, but i think you need to get yourself into a 'real' environment so you can practice with real people.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/confidence/learn/

[salisbury]

I have been to colleges etc and asked about course but there is nothing going for night classes, I work in the daytmie, so how am i supposed to fit it in????

Local colleges do assertiveness and confidence sourses but theyt are in the mornings, and i work 9-5 !!!!!!

[mccfluff]

how sympathetic is your boss would he let you have the morning off, if you made up the time over the rest of the week perhaps? I'm sure if you explained the situation and as it would be beneficail to you work as well they may let you do this?

[Imp y Celyn]

why so negative salisbury? above are some good suggestions. perhaps you should talk this over with your boss. some companies even run internal courses on self improvement, presentation skills and influencing etc.

what area do you live that doesn't have evening courses by the way?

[Hellion]

Some people are naturally introverted, sometimes as you get older you gain more confidence in yourself - i know I certainly did.
Often putting yourself in a very unlikely situation can help you overcome shyness, you don't necessarily need an assertiveness class try something out of the ordinary like Salsa Dancing! They are always short of fellas and it's a good way to meet girls, if you go to a beginners class everyone is in the same boat.
I used to teach assertiveness classes and each week their 'homework' would be to do something they wouldn't normally do like take something back to a shop and complain - or tell their boss 'no they couldn't work late'. The idea was they had the full support of the rest of the group - we were right behind them figuratively speaking - each week they'd report back and be congratulated. It was amazing to see how confident people got just knowing they were people somewhere rooting for them. Standing up for yourself the first time is the hardest and you would be suprised at how it gets a luttle easier each time.
Salisbury, we AB'rs are your support - every time you stand up for yourself or put yourself forward remember we are right there with you cheering you on!!
Homework this week - present your idea to your boss and tell yourself you are just as good as your two colleagues, we at AB think you are so go get em Tiger!!
Don't forget to tell us how you get on.

[Betty Boop x]

If only life was so simple!

I'm 23 therefore I should be able to do ......(all the things you think you should be able to do by the time you are an adult)

Just because you are no longer a child it doesn't mean your personality changes over night. You are still you. Just because you are now an adult it doesn't mean you will automatically be able to stand up for yourself and become extroverted.

The good thing is that you have recognised this charactor trait in yourself and you don't like it. You are not willing to always be like this. That is the first step.

However the only person who can truly change you is YOU. If you really want to change then you WILL look hard and find a course you can go on that fits in with your work commitments or you WILL book a week off work and go on a week long course. (admittidly that may not be your ideal way of using time off from work, but it sounds like this means a lot to you so sometimes sacrifices have to be made).

I think in a situation like this the first time you voice your opinion or stand up for yourself will be terrifying - it won't be easy BUT it will feel really good - then the second time you do it, it will still be hard but easier than the first time and then eventually you will wonder why you never did it before.

I know that sounds incredibly simple and it won't really be that simple but with the help of people on a course and the realisation that there are other people in the same boat as you, it will get easier.

They key is you have realised you want to make the change in yourself now YOU have to go about making that change.

My dad always says - "everyone is responsible for their own happiness" - and it's true. If something is making you uphappy then do something about it because no one else is going to! I know it's not always that easy and I am not naive enough to think this, but in

[Betty Boop x]

........your situation there ARE things you can do. So if this is something you really need and want to change never forget that YOU can.

Good Luck x

[Imp y Celyn]

you need a confidence boost. have you considered joining an amateur dramatics club? something like that could be good for improving your self esteem

[angeldraws]

I was in a similar situation when i was younger and suggest, in addition to other ABers suggestions above - you could try reading up on assertiveness, gaining confidence but theh make sure you actually 'DO' the things it says. Susan Jeffers "feel the fear and do it anyway' is a good one. And of course theres lots of info on the net. As NIKE say in their ads 'JUST DO IT"