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Bereavement Help Please !

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NoseyNose | 17:55 Mon 20th Nov 2023 | Body & Soul
152 Answers


My Gay partner of nearly 50 years,died very suddenly last Thursday(16th November) from heart attack, while shopping with me in Sainsbury's.The Medics did their best,but to no avail.

I am completely lost.

We live in a remote part of the country,and he was the only driver.

There are so many things that I have to do,but we don't know anyone around here.

I have contacted the friends that I thought would help.

But none of them suggested visiting me,I just need some human contact,and help.

I am feeling very sucidal,I haven't eaten or drunk much since that horrible Thursday.

I called 999, was taken by ambulance on Friday to the Conquest Hospital.but they just left me on couch(for 4 hours),knowing full well that I was Diabetic(no food etc) also Bipolar,I discharged my self.

Luckily my partners brother had come down(and took me back home),but after two days(without any advice) he went back to his home in Yorkshire(we are in East Sussex)

ANY comfort or practical advice would help.

This is a real cry for help, I cannot go on like this.

I have realised that Bill will not come back, and as he organised evertything for 49 years,I don't think I can go on without him.

I am in a deep dark place,and can only think of one way out.




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With no specific request from him & having read that Gordon's situation is known to the authorities; also after a long chat with an old & trusted friend, I now think that my offer could conceivably complicate matters.Therefore - for now, at least - sadly, I feel that withdrawing gracefully is the correct thing to do.  I hope neither Gordon nor my fellow AB'ers...
16:51 Fri 24th Nov 2023

I'm so glad things are looking a bit better for you.

And don't overlook that you've gained a lot of online friends here who are only too glad to offer whatever support they can.

Good luck,

Lovely news from you Gordon. You have made good progress and good friends 😇

Question Author

Hello there,

Further details:~

The two new gay friends retrieved our car (from Sainsbury's 22 miles away) I don't drive,so couldn't get it back.

They did some non food shopping for me,bin bags,imodioum(get loose things from meds)paracetamol (have pulled a back muscle).They are truly angels in disguise,and give new hope.

Looks like they will call every Tuesday,to just get me out of the house?(lunch,shopping etc)

The GP rang as was most sympathetic,but as my meds are OK couldn't do more(yet).

Adult Social Services rang,as she said that she would investigate just what I was entitled to ( I really need a sort of home help) She also said there was a "befriending" service,where people come in and just chat.

The labdladies daughter will also call, and help me with the washing, washing up, and deal with bin collection (she is only 12 miles away).

So I am still swimming with the tide,and hope to reach the shore soon?


How wonderful Gordon! Glad there is light at the end of the tunnel x

Such good news Gordon.  Lovely to see you back with us.  Xx

Question Author

Also,another problem lifted/solved.

Knowing how the Supermarket reads your number plate (in and out),I was worried I might get a 2 week parking fine?as I don't drive,and had to wait for a family friend to retrieve the car(22 miles away)but a VERY nice person at Sainsbury's assured me that I would have had a letter,if the parking exceeded 2 days.

So that's another thing shot down.

He~Ho,bring it on!

Question Author

It's really like a breavement surfboard.

Take it steady,keep your balance,and you won't fall in!

Baby steps at a time - lovely to hear from you.

Oh Gordon, you've just made my day !! And it's only 5.20am here !!
I've looked in early and am so very pleased to see you posting and while I haven't read it all, I see some angels have appeared to help you through the mire.


Gordon, my wife phones people up people on their own (I think it's organised by Age UK) once a week for a chat, and I get the impression that they quite appreciate the human contact even from some woman they've never met. How she does it I don't know!  She doesn't talk to me like that.

I'm pleased that you are back with us. Good luck.

Question Author

The Difference You Have Made
Poet: Catherine Pulsifer

You will never know
The difference you all have made.
All you in my life,
I would never trade.

Your thoughtfulness is shown
In your kindness and caring ways.
When my life was full of clouds
You brought the sunshine rays.

The words, thank you,
Just don't seem to express,
The difference you all have
Made in my happiness.

Gordon you are a champion. We are all rooting for you.

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