How it Works3 mins ago
Bereavement After Losing Your Mum
24 Answers
It doesn`t get any easier does it? Somebody at work told me that the pain of loss diminishes but the sense of loss never goes. They say that it takes 2 years to get over a bereavement. So I have another about another 9 months to go. Does it get any better?
Answers
Best Answer
No best answer has yet been selected by 237SJ. Once a best answer has been selected, it will be shown here.
For more on marking an answer as the "Best Answer", please visit our FAQ.
I think the Western attitude to grief is damaging.
People are embarrassed, so anything after six weeks on, it's seen as just impolite to mention that by the way, you are still cut up to your eyes and brains with grief.
So, because people would prefer that you didn't embarrass them by talking about emotions (heaven forbid!) you have to learn how grieve on your own.
My metaphors are always the same - it would be great if grief was a train on a tack, because every day you are a little further away from the event, moving towards peace and assimilating your loss into your life.
But grief is a sailboat on the ocean. Some days you are chugging along nicely wind in your sails, sun's out. But just as suddenly a storm comes up, your mast breaks and you are shipping water as you get blown back to a point before you started and have to begin again.
If you see it like that, you know that 'progress' is not going to be your thing this time.
You are going to have to hang on to your good days, bless them and enjoy them, and try to think of them in the bad days when it feels like grief will actually kill you.
But yes, time does affect you.
It doesn't 'heal you', what it does is allow to weave your loss into the fabric of your life - it's always there, but it isn't screaming in your ear twenty-four-seven any more.
So accept that grief takes time, it's not the same every day, and it's not automatically less painful in Year Ten than it was in Year One.
Grief is the price we pay for loving - but it's a price worth paying. It's just hard to see that sometimes.
People are embarrassed, so anything after six weeks on, it's seen as just impolite to mention that by the way, you are still cut up to your eyes and brains with grief.
So, because people would prefer that you didn't embarrass them by talking about emotions (heaven forbid!) you have to learn how grieve on your own.
My metaphors are always the same - it would be great if grief was a train on a tack, because every day you are a little further away from the event, moving towards peace and assimilating your loss into your life.
But grief is a sailboat on the ocean. Some days you are chugging along nicely wind in your sails, sun's out. But just as suddenly a storm comes up, your mast breaks and you are shipping water as you get blown back to a point before you started and have to begin again.
If you see it like that, you know that 'progress' is not going to be your thing this time.
You are going to have to hang on to your good days, bless them and enjoy them, and try to think of them in the bad days when it feels like grief will actually kill you.
But yes, time does affect you.
It doesn't 'heal you', what it does is allow to weave your loss into the fabric of your life - it's always there, but it isn't screaming in your ear twenty-four-seven any more.
So accept that grief takes time, it's not the same every day, and it's not automatically less painful in Year Ten than it was in Year One.
Grief is the price we pay for loving - but it's a price worth paying. It's just hard to see that sometimes.
I have read Andy's report - and must say I echo his sentiments.
Last Saturday (not last night) - something triggered me off re my mother and I cried so much I am still pretty much suffering from (if there is such a thing) busted eyeballs.
My eyes have been killing me all week - I have been using cucumbers, icecubes and stuff from the chemists. I will never subject my eyes to that ever again.
Last Saturday (not last night) - something triggered me off re my mother and I cried so much I am still pretty much suffering from (if there is such a thing) busted eyeballs.
My eyes have been killing me all week - I have been using cucumbers, icecubes and stuff from the chemists. I will never subject my eyes to that ever again.
Related Questions
Sorry, we can't find any related questions. Try using the search bar at the top of the page to search for some keywords, or choose a topic and submit your own question.