Disturbing grand parent

[smilingcrow]

I saw something the other day that really disturbed me. Basically my sons grand parent an old guy touched my sons penis and waggled it from side to side saying "what is this? What is this". My son is 3. Quite a lot Of my wife's family members were there and no one batted an eyelid. Thankfully my son won't be seeing this guy for a long time. I was really gob smacked when I saw this and I now hate the guy. Maybe it's because they are a different culture???
People are not supposed to touch children's genitals simple apart from washing obviously. Am I over reacting?

[ojread2]

mmm, you must be quite disturbed by this
But consider this, if you were in a room full of people and no one batted an eye lid then it sounds like it's all, just, well 'normal' - I'm just trying to make you feel a little easier about it, really

I think I would want to question why this man took my sons penis out of his trouser AND pants in a room full of people but the fact that it was in front of everyone possibly means there was not a lot sinister about it

Saying all that were it my son and I saw that, the old man, no matter how old would have received a mouthful from me

If you happen to see this man again, just keep your son close - What did his dad say BTW?

[andy-hughes]

I appreciate that you were shocked by your son's grandparent behaviour, but you need to see it in context.

Some people's attitudes to genitalia are a world away from other people's - and this is the case here i think. It seems that the grandparent was simply being amusing in his own way - and sees nothing inappropriate in this behaviour - as is borne out by the lack of reaction from other members of the family. To him, it is simply humour, and not at all inappropriate.

I would have a word with your wife, and explain your discomfort, and ask her to have a discreet word with her dad, and advise him to moderate his humour.

It is simply a difference in attitude, and I am sure in no way was intended to shock or offend you - so please don't read more into it than was intended.

[ojread2]

yep, that's a better way to say it andy
And at no point did i read wife OP, sorry :(

[gordie1]

That is sexual abuse of a child you should report him

[888sally888]

I would have been shocked and cross.

[naomi24]

I wouldn’t have a word with the wife – I’d have a word with the culprit! He may be of a different culture, but he needs to know that his action – humorous to him or not - is unacceptable within our culture.

[andy-hughes]

gordie1 - I disagree entirely.

What is obviously seen as harmless fun by this man - although not by a lot of other people, is a world away from child abuse, and to interperet it as such is to seriously over-react in my view.

This is an issue about appropriate behaviour, and the differences in that concept between families.

For example - I grew up in a household where seeing each other naked was completely acceptable. My sisters and i would tjhink nothing of using the bath or toilet while another member of the family was in the room - it was simply accepted as the way it was.

On meeting my wife, I found her family to be the total opposite, and obviously adjusted my behaviour to fit in with hers, since that was the easier adjustment to make.

This is a similar example of those differences. in the grandfather's experience, playing with a child's penis in a jokey way is just that, with nothing sinister intended or implied, and if the father is not happy with it, then a conversation needs to be had, ideally between his wife and her dad.

That is a world away from involving authorities, which is often a genie which cannot be returnd to tbe bottle, and can lead to all sorts of far-reachin consequences which are utterly inapporpriate in a circumstance like this.

[cathfromsaron]

was he being washed and dressed at the time OR did he undress him?

i would certainly avoid this person from now on!

cath x

[AliceTickband]

No, you are not over-reacting. This child is your child, not the grandparent's. What you say goes. If you are unhappy with any situation make your feelings known out of earshot of the child. If the grandparent does not like any transgression being pointed out then they can go and take a hike.

[boxtops]

I agree with andy-hughes on this one - if the child was naked, this might be how things were in his family. It's not child abuse, no more than if he'd done it to his nose. I think you've had a shock, but I suspect it's generational, not sinister.

[naomi24]

I wouldn't give him the benefit of the doubt. I'd tell him straight that, within our culture, this is not acceptable.

[emmie]

i would find that deeply disturbing, and not have contact with that person ever again.

[Sqad]

Well, I have always considered myself a "man of the world" and sexually "broadminded" and i accept all the "cultural posts" as the usually modern explanations BUT.........I consider a grandfather going up to his 3 year old grandson and waggling it around....as TOTALLY ABNORMAL BEHAVIOR.

[Booldawg]

I certainly wouldnt have been comfortable with that.

[ummmm]

I agree with Sqad.

[Sqad]

ummmm.......LOL.....;-)

[bednobs]

need context - was the child undressed already or did the gp deliberately undress him to do this? The first i would see as normal, the second i would see as odd (but not child abuse)
it seems odd to me that you assert you can only touch a childs genitals when washong them though!

[boxtops]

It's the sort of thing my dad used to do with my brother, there was no sinister intent. I don't like it but I do think if it was the norm then, the grandfather meant nothing unpleasant by it.

[NOX]

I'm afraid I'm with Boxy on this, it's certainly not sexual or any form of abuse- people need to stop panicking that every little action is paedophilic when it's clearly not. The guy did what he did in front of the whole family- hardly the work of a child molester- you weren't comfortable with it - but that still doesn't make it anything sinister. I used to blow rasperberries on my babies bums or tummies sometimes- doubtless someone will consider that weird too, but people really need to just calm down. Is your wife at all worried?

[jno]

agree with Box, Nox and others. If you don't like it, by all means ask the perpetrator not to do it again, but someone who does it in a room full of people is no paedophile. No need to hate him.