What doi women want from men?

[RacingLover]

Hello,

I'm a man who os soliciting answers from a female's perspective.on this subject

and why when I've asked  to the above question (face to face) women seem to be evasive about giving me answer?

[acw]

I presume you mean - how does a woman tell the difference between a guy she wants a platonic friendship with, and one she wants a relationship with?  Simple answer there: sex appeal!

If you mean "When I'm chatting to a woman, or a see a woman in a pub, how do I tell if the guy she's with is a friend or a boyfriend?" the answer is a bit more complicated.  Given that you can evidently tell if there's kissing involved, otherwise it's difficult.  I personally flirt with a lot of my male friends but it's all totally harmless - some of them are gay so there's DEFINITELY nothing sexual going on between us! :-p

Usual tell tale signs are in the eye contact.  Most women will be quick to point out that it's their boyfriend if you start chatting to them and they're not interested cos they're not single.

One last thing - don't try to understand women.  A much earlier point by EssJay1 was that we each have to accept the limitation of the opposite sex.  As well as that, we have to accept out OWN limitations.  You will NEVER understand women and I will NEVER understand men.  Women will respect you for trying though! :-)

Good luck! :-)

[Artful]

Now that's a hard one and I've often wondered. My relationship with my partner of 20 years began as being his mistress (he was married, I was carefree) and I am now his wife. I'll get back to you.

[kick3m0n]

would agree wholeheartedly with the last answer.   Also, please don't take this the wrong way, but I wouldn't be too keen on a guy who has spent 25 years trying to find out what women want.   It does smack a touch of desperation or creepiness - especially as you have yet to deduce from this lengthy study that you will NEVER know the answer (surely that should have been lesson one, ca 24.5 years ago???)

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but chill out, and enjoy the women you meet.  Your ideal mate is out there somewhere and the answers you seem to be looking for will not help you find or keep her.  Being yourself (not what you think she wants) WILL help you keep her.  Good luck. xx

[acw]

WELL SAID KICK3M0N!!!!!  Yes - the thing many of us forgot to say, but i suspect agree on is BE YOURSELF!!!!

I have a friend who is disabled and who tries to "make up for it" by telling wild and totally unbelievable stories about his antics.  Many women would probably fancy him if it weren't for his utter bullsh***ing and if he'd just be himself. 

Most women are looking for (or are happy having found) a "genuine guy".  Just be yourself and remember that we're all different. 

[Lillabet]

Ok, apologies for the use of the word desperate. A better phrasing would have been to say that someone who appears to be trying too hard can come across as desperate whether he is desperate or not.

Things that might come across as trying too hard would include references to how hard you've worked to find out all about women - as though we're a homework project on which you need to write a report.

Also any declarations along the lines of - but I'm a nice guy, what am I doing wrong... These won't help.

As for why some women put up with awful relationships. In a lot of cases it is because her self esteem is so low that she believes that this is the best she's going to get even though it is awful. Personally I would value no relationship over a bad relationship.

Oh and the difference between a male friend and a boyfriend is that you are physically involved with the boyfriend. A male friend is just a friend who happens to be male - no sexual attraction. Should an attraction develop then the male friend then becomes a potential boyfriend...

I would say hope this helps, but I'm sure you still haven't got the answer you're after...

[FP]

Must be:

Natural, confident (not overly), not brash and noisy, honest. trustworthy,  straightforward, good sense of humour, interesting and interested,  and slightly eccentric.  Must love animals and music.  Also there has to be a chemical attraction, which can't be defined until it happens.

[Ralph]

I empathise Racing Lover, I also would love to know "how they work". I'm in awe of the effect of a bit of estrogen here and there. The answers on here are helping and I still (only just) subscribe to the notion that I'll meet the perfect woman for me when I least expect it. I've been expecting very little for quite a while now but nothing's happening! The following joke helps a bit, apologies if you've heard it before.

A man comes across a genie's bottle on the beach and rubs it. A genie appears to grant the man 3 wishes. First the man asks for a million dollars. The genie grants his wish. The the man says that he has always wanted to be as smart as a rocket scientist and the genie grants his wish.
The man thinks long and hard about his third wish and then say," I have always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I am afraid to fly and I am afraid of sailing. Could you build a bridge from here to Hawaii?"

The genie looks at the man, " Are you crazy? Do you know how much material and time that will take?"

The man thinks again and says, " Then my last wish is to understand how women think."


"Would you like that bridge two lane or four?"

[KittyGlitter]

I would say a woman likes to be listened to - if she has a problem, I think men often like to try and fix it, saying "you should do this" but sometimes we just want a sympathetic ear without being given a solution. Also, women love compliments and pay attention if she's had her hair cut! You could always read "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" which highlights some things that women need.

[RacingLover]

Ralph I loved your joke.

Thanks Lilabeth (you're forgiven) for that answer. I am not claims that I'm a "Mr Nice Guy". Yes,  I do have wacky outlandish personalty. What I'm saying is that I'm not a woman abuser, or deceitful towards.women. 

I lost two female friends because of mis communication they thought my motives to have a physical relationship with me. What is the possiblilty for friends to turn to lovers (high, medium, low)?. The Spice Girls sang "If you want to be my lover you got to be my friend". Can you see how conflicting it is.

Now I know why women are evasive when I ask about this topic.(She thinks I'm desparely after from her for my own motives only)

[RacingLover]

contination

kick3mon, I want to say 2 things.

• "ideal mate"<br>I am aware of that one exists. I accept she'll hard to find. (very few couple can truthfully say that they are ideal).
• "but chill out"<br>I'm not fretting, what I'm doing is to ask and learn from real women

What I what saying is that there are plenty of men out there who have the desireable traits that women like, and maybe do responsible jobs like an Air traffic controller (think how many lives are in his hands), a doctor, a laywer or a top manager. And they can do his job efficeintly. But when it comes to a woman he likes he hasn't got the confidence to speak her. If he does he doesn't know what to say to her. Ask her for contact detaills or organise at date with her. I'm sure girls you've been on the receiving end of this.

[RacingLover]

Dating questions personal suggestions:

Many men trip up on this

• What do you feel makes a winning date, one where want to see again?
• What's the best date you've ever had?
• What's the worst?

[Lillabet]

The odds of friendship becoming something more? Impossible to answer - if she's single and looking then better than if she's in a relationship. If you decide you like someone you already know I'd offer this advice though. (Sweeping generalisation to follow)

Women like to be told that they are attractive. But they don't like leery type comments. So you look really nice today is good. Phwoooar is bad.

If you do want to ask a friend out you don't want to do so in such a way that she feels that if she says no you'll be hugely offended or that you will then be awkward round her. So if you're trying to move things from friends to perhaps something more don't dive straight in with 'can I buy you dinner' or similar. Try to be more casual. 'I was thinking about going to that new pub /to see this film etc. - do you want to come with me?' If she says yes and doesn't suggest inviting other friends then take this as a good sign...

If she says yes and suggests inviting others then you could say 'I was thinking just the two of us - but if you'd rather it was a group of us that's fine' That way she knows you want to spend time with her but you've left an unembarassing get out for each of you.

Good dates - you laugh. Don't run out of things to talk about and learn about each other. Bad dates one of you talks at the other and there is no conversation or there are big gaps in the conversation.

[sacundai]

(Lines from an early episode of Third Rock from the Sun)

.. give her what she wants when she needs it. You've got to try and understand, that she needs your freedom to want what she needs and she's free to want it wether she needs it or not. Pay attention to what she likes and share it with her.

Or, ask her to sniff you and if your pheromones are significantly different from hers she will 'sense' that you would be a compatible mate as the total combination of genes would give your offspring a better shot at life. (according to the scientists!)

[acw]

By the way - as I remember it, the Spice Girls said "If you wanna be my lover... you gotta get with my friends!" Meaning - my friends have to like you if I'll like you.  I'm not sure the rule's watertight - most girls have followed their heart not their head/friends at some point in life!

Good luck though!

[lizzierose]

what really annoys me is men talking over me like what i have to say is really of no importance whatsoever compared to what they have to say. my boyfriend is particularly guilty of this and if he had done it when we first started dating he wouldn't have got anywhere. He assures me its not because what i have to say is a load of feminine twoddle and i know its true, because it isn't but he just gets carried away with the sound of his own voice. if like you say your a bit outlandish make sure you listen, don't just wait (or not in some cases) for your turn to talk. sorry, very longwinded answer to basically say, view women as your converstaional equals. many men don't and it has to be what p****s me off the most.

there have actually been studies especially in academic group forums on the internet etc. that show that as soon as women come anywhere near holding 50% of the debate men start to complain that women are taking over. we don't actually talk that much men just perceive it that way.

my point is the art of conversation is important. I'll shut up now. good luck : )

[Otrere]

I have to agree with ACW 100% - so wise a woman for someone so young!!

But one of the most important things, again I echo ACW, is being told that you look great etc. Its nice to feel noticed and thought about.

The best men are intelligent, humorous, thoughtful, caring, helpful and good conversation.

[LoungeLizard]

Men love Women.

Women love Children

Children love Hamsters.

[Mistopheles]

Ideal date? Something different or something romantic. If you can manage both, ideal! Picnic in a park, canoeing, trip to the beach, getting on the first train that pulls into the station and seeing where you end up, daft theme park. Theme parks are great actually - you can hold hands on the gentle rides, cling to each other on the scary ones, and the increased adrenaline rush helps you 'bond'.

Worst dates? Anything where I get ignored, blue comedian, slasher movie.

What I want from a man - honesty (but not to the point of rudenss!), quickly followed by sense of humour, nice hands, caring, gentle but not wet, kind and generous. A man who will just give me a cuddle when I'm upset.

Small hint for all men - if a woman is upset, she usually wants comforting. What she DOESN'T want is for you to 'fix' her. Don't tell how to improve the situation - if she wants to know that, she'll ask. Just be there.

[acw]

Thanks for people agreeing with /complimenting me - you guys sure know what a woman wants! :-) :-p Mistopheles' post reminded me about that email/poster about "What women say and what they mean?".  I can't remember all of it, but there were things like:

1. If a woman is crying but says she is fine - she is NOT fine.  She probably wants to talk.
2. If a woman says "Do I look fat in this?" - the answer is NEVER "No fatter than usual" or "Yes".  (IMO - if she doesn't look great, suggest a different outfit.  Good friends/boyfriends never let a girl walk out of the house looking like a wally, but they use tact when trying to avoid that scenario!)

I can't remember the other things - can anyone else remember them!?

[acw]

PS - When I said "guys" I meant it to mean "guys and gals"! :-)