new partner who smokes

[kerriesmum]

I have been seeing my partner for about 8 months. He is lovely, but his smoking drives me mad.
He does it outside, but he wheezes and coughs and it disturbs my sleeping he snores as well, at times.
I do love him but i am worried about his health, as my husband died of a lung related illness 3 years ago.
He has spent a fortune on quit aids, gave up once for two weeks then started again. I dont want to sound like a nag but i am at my witts end.
what would you do in mu situation?

[redcrx]

was he smoking when you started the relationship? did you expect him to change his ways?

[jackthehat]

If he can't/won't give up.............I'm afraid you'll have to either learn to accept that you are in a relationship with a smoker, or come to a parting of the ways.

[ummmm]

I presume you knew he smoked when you got with him?

In your situation I would accept the fact that I decided to get into a relationship with a smoker.

[kerriesmum]

Yes he smoked when we first met. I am not trying to change him just to wake up to the health risks thats all.

[B00]

He's a smoker <shrug>, if he was a smoker when you met, i really don't see how you can complain.

As a new none smoker, i know how hard it is to give up, and it can only be done when you yourself (or in his case- he) want to do it 100%. Someone nagging you doesn't help the situation.

[kerriesmum]

I know freedom of choice etc, im just worried he will end up like my husband.

[B00]

you've replied since...

he'll already know the health risks.

[jackthehat]

All smokers are aware of the health risks................you'd have to be mad, or blind or both, to have got to his age (whatever it is) without noticing the anti-smoking information around you...

[ummmm]

That's his choice though.

[chelle7272]

I'm sure he is aware. You said he has tried to give up, he is obviously struggling to do so it's not easy for everyone ( I haven't managed yet).

He may give up in time, but I'm not sure that moaning or criticising will help him

[rowanwitch]

Stop nagging but also no kissing if he has a mouth like an ashtray..if he can understand you are finding him unattractive because of his smoking he might get the hint but to behonest if its a dealbreaker for you you are better off stopping sooner rather than later

[kerriesmum]

i try not to sound like a nag im just so worried about him.

[Mamyalynne]

The only time a smoker will give up is when they themselves realise they should, even my grandson nagging me in a very articulate fashion has not worked on me , and I idolise him.

[redcrx]

he knows of the health risks.
you have the choice to accept that he wont or cant stop or to split.

[kerriesmum]

so i suppose its a case of put up and shut up.

[redcrx]

seems that way. he wont quit or seek help to quit unless he wants to.

[mccfluff]

if you want to be with i him yes, i guess he knows your views and history. if he wants to give he he will do it

[kerriesmum]

He says he wants to though like i said earlier he has spent a lot of money on quit aids.

[Ellipsis]

Hypnosis worked for my Mum ...

[B00]

The nagging at and being preached to about my "filthy vice" used to irritate the crap out of me and make me almost physically want to blow smoke rings in their faces.

And to be honest, pretty much the only thing that convinced me to stop was the price, i simply cant afford to smoke anymore. If they dropped the price down to say a couple a quid a packet, you wouldn't believe how quickly my stumpy legs would take me to the nearest shop that sells them!