Not Coping Very Well At The Moment.

[Barsel]

My best friend of 70years was yesterday diagnosed with having bone cancer, and I'm finding that very difficult to cope with.
We became friends on our first day of school in 1951 and have been best friends ever since.
I want to be strong for her, but I find myself crying every time I think of her.
All I want to do is go and give her a big hug, but I know I can't.
How do you cope with this?
I'm sure lots of you have probably had much harder things to deal with, but I haven't , and this is why I can't cope.

[anneasquith]

Isn’t life sh** sometimes. You will find a way to help your friend.

[emmie]

there is no right or wrong way to cope barsel, do the best you can for her and for yourself. Crying is a release but try not when she is around, she will feel bad enough with her diagnosis. Did the doctors give her any time limit.....

[Samuraisan]

Maybe instead of making it about how YOU can't cope, you can think about how to support your friend. A hug would be nice, but maybe there are other more practical things you could do to help her get through this.

[emmie]

shame that you can't hug her, because its probably the nicest thing you could do for her at the moment.

[Mamyalynne]

That's a long and enduring friendship and you are in shock too.

The notion of being strong is all well and good but sometimes even crying together can be a release.

You will both formulate a way to somehow get through this.

[Bobbisox1]

So very sad Barsel but there’s no magic wand to make things easier I’m afraid , you just have to be strong for your friend x

[Barsel]

anne, I truly don't know what to do and this is why I've asked here in the hope someone can advise me.

[Mamyalynne]

The very best person to ask is your friend, this is all very new and raw - get your heads together and formulate some ways to help her.

[Barsel]

Samuraisan I was hoping not to make it sound like it's about me, but what you don't know is my friend and I are so close, we are almost like 1 person and so whatever happens to one of us, the other one feels the same.

[emmie]

perhaps we can give you the advice you need, but you can perhaps glean that some on AB may have been where you are currently. Its up to you and your friend now, long standing friendships are rare. Can she cope home wise, does she have a partner/husband who can be a support to both of you.

[Barsel]

emmie, she only got the diagnosis yesterday and that was from having a CT scan so she is having a full body scan next Tuesday so the consultant can see more and then decide on the treatment.

[emmie]

Can you go with her to hospital? its a comfort if you can.

[Barsel]

emmie, unfortunately her husband died a few years ago.
I have 2 daughters I could talk to, but I just feel that unless you have been in a similar situation, you can't really understand how it feels as obviously, they have never had a friend for that length of time.

[emmie]

i understand what you are going through, as i am sure do others.
talk to your daughters and see what they say.

[Barsel]

emmie, thank you so much for taking an interest and for your help.
Fortunately my friend has a daughter, and they are extremely close and go everywhere together, so at least I feel comforted in knowing she is getting all the support she needs from her.
My friend and I live quite a distance apart now although we talk several times a week for 2 hours at a time on the phone.
As soon as I can, I will ask my friend about visiting her at home even though I don't do long distance driving anymore, but in the meantime, I just wish there was someone I could talk to.

[emmie]

you can talk to us, we are there to help. just like you helped me a little while ago

[emmie]

do you have other nearer friends? those who could support you too.

[Barsel]

I do have other friends emmie, but at the moment, I'm really struggling to think which one of them would understand how I'm feeling at the moment.
In fact, when I told one of my friends, the first thing she said was, Oh I know someone who has got that!.
Not very helpful really as it was someone she doesn't know very well, so it hadn't had any impact on her.

[Barsel]

I am going to try not to worry too much until we know the full extent of it and that won't be until next week and I've decided that although I don't usually drive long distance, I will find a way to go to see her and give her a big hug.
Thanks to everyone for your help. x

[calmck]

Once she has had the scan and seen the doctor there will be more of an idea of what she is facing. You should probably speak to her daughter after that and ask how you can be of assistance,both practically and emotionally.
In the meantime can you send her an Easter bouquet with a message maybe "you know you can call on me anytime " or something similar.