Witty seasonal Quotes/verses

[StretchyLegs]

I have never failed to get a superb answer for any questions I have posed, but this may be awkward....

I am making place cards for the main meal on Xmas day, and I would like to find 8 witty, and if possible seasonal quotes to write on them.

If anyone has any ideas I would be really grateful, many thanks and merry christmas to you all.

Gill

[jcherbstritt]

It's the season of goodwill but everyone's killing the turkeys.

[surreyman]

I bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note attached saying, "Toys not included" 

[surreyman]

Women do not consider any of the following to be appropriate xmas gifts: cooking utensils,cleaning products,diet books,petrol for the car,anything from the Pound Shop.

[surreyman]

Forgive us our Christmases,as we forgive those that Christmas against us.

[rja211077]

"If we're all God's children, what's so special about Jesus?" (might not go down too well with any religious folk!)

[ursula62]

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic

Seriously though... depends on your audience.

How about..."I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph." - Shirley Temple - Actress

"What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day." - Phyllis Diller

"I wish we could put up some of the Christmas spirit in jars and open a jar of it every month."
- Harlan Miller

"Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven!"
- W.C. Fields 

 

[Wraith]

Try these links:-

http://home.att.net/~quotations/christmas.html

http://www.christmas-quotes.com/

There are one or two duplicates, but should give you some ideas.

[hugoboss]

Good 'Elf!