Quips Retorts Putdowns

[nailit]

I work with a guy one day a week on my works van who is very sharp and quick to come out with a (friendly) putdown or two. He gets as good as he gives and we both enjoy the banter.
Running out of material now though!!
Help me out guys...

Any good quips, retorts, putdowns??

[Old_Geezer]

I knew a vet once: he was good at putdowns.

[JimF]

Why don't you put your head in a bucket thrice, removing it but twice...

[-SharonA-]

I always love the one Madonna supposedly said to Elton John.
"If you will look 10lb thinner if you take off that wig!"

[Toorak]

A colleague to another who person made a sarcastic comment about something she was wearing:

“It was a present from my granny. You’ll know my granny - she’s about ages with you”

[Bazile]

''Sir - you're drunk''

"Madam your'e ugly - but I'll be sober in the morning "

[Dagman]

Tell him he's a great guy.... Despite what everyone says about him!

[Ellipsis]

There are some great cricketing sledges. This has to be up there ...

Glenn McGrath: “Why are you so fat?”
Eddo Brandes: “Because every time I sleep with your wife she gives me a biscuit.”

[Ken4155]

A few here for you, Nailit;

I have neither the time nor crayons to explain it to you.
Are your parents cousins?
Some drink from the Fountain of Knowledge. You obviously only gargled.
You're so ugly, you make blind kids cry.

[pixie374]

My friend once said to a jockey that we worked with "I love that cap, it would look great on someone else"

[Ken4155]

A few more here from the brilliant Blackadder - the king of repartee.

Your brain is so minute that if a hungry cannibal cracked your skull open, he wouldn't have enough to cover a water biscuit.
I lost closer friends than you the last time I was deloused.
Your head is as empty as a eunuch's underpants.
Go away. If i wanted to talk to a vegetable, i'd have brought one to work.

[MargoTester]

I like your coat/shirt be nice when it comes back into fashion.

[pixie374]

Can't beat Blackadder :-)

[BAKERS DOZEN]

We have a friend who, if he is introduced to someone he's not sure of, always says "Hi my name is Jimmy. You can call me James".

[Dagman]

You're so ugly that when you cry the tears run down the back of your neck!

[nailit]

A few retorts tucked away in my memory banks there. Thanks.
Last one I used
''If I wanted to listen to an a***ole, I'd fart''

[Mamyalynne]

"I wish more people were fluent in silence"

[nailit]

Im defo nicking that ^ one.

[nailit]

He never shuts up...

[Theland]

That's fighting talk where I come from ...... but I don't live there anymore!

Some people say you are actually OK!

Were you born stupid or did you work on it?
Either way, you're a success!

If I had your looks I'd get a job scaring children!

Do you wash every week?

You should go to university. I bet they'd love to study you!

No wonder they call you wonder boy, always wondering what to do next!

Did you have a gap year, or a gap between your ears?

[nailit]

Theland, many years ago you invited us to insult you. I seem to remember that I did an excellent job (if I say so myself) Would be delighted if you can find the thread. (I was under a different nic then as you well know...just dont remember which)