Update to "without anybody stating the obvious"....

[Smowball]

Well I did indeed confront him last night with the statement - he looked so stunned that he didnt even think to ask why it was open. composed himself very quickly then said it was towards his daughters future, then when i said why he has never once put money away weekly in the last 8 years, then chooses the exact month we got into dire financial worries he just wouldnt answer. Just kept repeating he could do what he likes for his daughter with his money. But you know that certain people do a specific thing when they are lying, like not looking you in the eye, or a nervous cough etc, well he has a specific thing that he does and he was difinitely lying. Havent a clue where to go from here now : (

[ummmm]

I just find it shocking the conclusions people jump to on such little info.

[ummmm]

We have info about this....not the rest of their marriage.

[TOWIE]

Smowball - you sound like a lovely lady from reading your post today and yesterday, and definately deserve a better explanation than what he is giving you. If it is as simple as just putting money away for his daughter's future, but has never suggested the same for your son, then he is selfish, not to have discussed it with you.

I would'nt like to second guess what his motives are or what he is up to, but something doesn't smell right.

I would personally not mention it anymore and just keep my eye on the situation, as hard as that may be. The fact that he knows that you know, may push him in another direction. I wouldn't take any evasive action, like leaving him, just yet, but now you are aware, watch how he acts.

[ummmm]

And we don't know his reasons for it....

[ummmm]

He could be trying to protect his wife...

[Barmaid]

Smowball - try this link here, there are some really helpful suggestions:-

http://www.relate.org.uk/home/index.html

[joko]

could he be ill..? and want money for treatment?

or is he having a midlife crisis and wants a hair transplant or facelift or something...?

[Smowball]

Im back!

[Smowball]

Ok, am trying to keep up with the comments. If he was putting the money into this account for his daughters future then why would he put it in an account where she could take it out immediately - surely he would open up an account that she couldnt touch? And why does he have the card now? plus she isnt ever here when the statements arrive, in fact nothing has been taken out of it so im not even sure she thinks the account is still open.

[albaqwerty]

I don't know if it has been suggested or not but the term 'money-laundering' comes to my simple mind.

[sallybb]

He is very devious,he asked you to take on extra work.on the pretense that family funds were short.
But he really needed the extra cash to squirrel away.By using his daughters account and holding her cash card, he is in complete control of the hoarded moneys.
Its your money , you're the one doing the extra work on his say so, which enables him to do this. I would insist that he pays you half of it to put into your sons account. All should be equal in marriage.

[sallybb]

Tell him your going to give up some of your work, that should throw a spanner into his dishonest game

[Smowball]

Hi docspock, thankyou for that. The trouble is he is quite an unemotional person - he rarely gives anything away, down to his childhood but thats anothe story. He learned to not give anything away emotionally if ever anything way wrong, or worrying him. I dont think he has ever come to me with a problem or to say something is bothering him. I have to prise every morsel out of him. He and his ex dont get on at all, they cant stand each other and only communicate through solicitors or email. He obviously doesnt feel for my child what he does for his daughter, and that is normal, but IF the money is for the daughters future(which I dont believe still) then he cant expect me to not want the same for my son but I cant afford to on my own.

[sallybb]

As someone else has already suggested, open up your own bank account , have your pay paid into it, then only put into the joint account what you feel is the fair portion of bills. Too many wifes leave all the worry about finances to the husbands, get involved, if your not already. Take some control.