Update to "without anybody stating the obvious"....

[Smowball]

Well I did indeed confront him last night with the statement - he looked so stunned that he didnt even think to ask why it was open. composed himself very quickly then said it was towards his daughters future, then when i said why he has never once put money away weekly in the last 8 years, then chooses the exact month we got into dire financial worries he just wouldnt answer. Just kept repeating he could do what he likes for his daughter with his money. But you know that certain people do a specific thing when they are lying, like not looking you in the eye, or a nervous cough etc, well he has a specific thing that he does and he was difinitely lying. Havent a clue where to go from here now : (

[Smowball]

Evian, very good point about the money but the reason I dont think its for his daughter is that he set it up when we had so many money troubles and not when we were better off. He was nagging and nagging me every day to get another job, which i now know coincides with the time he started transferring money. So he clearly is having to put some money away from his account and needed me to earn more to cover it. Something just isnt right.

[EvianBaby]

I really don't know where you get the idea he is funding a secret love child.

[rowanwitch]

I just think his reaction and the fact that its money he's tring to hide means its more than just an affair... I hope I'm wrong but he sounds like he is trying to trigger a break himself with his 'we might as well split up comments...and making no effort to smooth things over... quite common when someone feels guilty...its about trying to put the guilt onto the other party.

[Smowball]

I dont think its another woman and I hope im not wrong because that would be it, I would never ever forgive that. Apart from last wkend he hasnt started going out in the evenings, isnt coming home late, isnt making any effort with appearance more than usual, is always at work wen he says he is....

[ummmm]

I know...pathetic.

Maybe he's doing what you said....and putting it in his daughters account in case things go tits up. It can't be touched then.

Much more plausible than affairs and secret love children...

[mazie]

...why put money into the daughters account?

Less chance of it being traced and he could always say it was for his Daughters future, whether it is or not is a different matter. I dont know if there is anyone else involved, all I do know he's being very underhand about the whole thing

[pa___ul3]

I think it's a bad idea for any of us to speculate and put ideas into Smowball's head, I'm sure she's got enough going on in there.
The fact is you think he's lying, I couldn't handle that level of distrust and it seems like you can't either, so get it out, tell him how much this is messing you up so if it's something relatively innocent to just spit it out. You're his wife, I'm sure you're more than willing to help him through any rough patches, so tell him.
I mean, I'm no expert, I'm 32 and nowhere near ever married, but that's how I think best to handle it, just get it all out there! Good luck!

[Smowball]

I have to go to work guys, but please keep up the advice and will log back on about 4 ish. Thanks for your help x

[mumsie_wumsie]

Is staying out all night with no explanation, hiding money and not being honest about where and why it is going into daughters acc, ...not a 'change in behaviour' Certainly is in my book !!!!

[ummmm]

Doc - you never know anyone inside out. You might think you do....but you don't.

[rowanwitch]

other possibilities are secret debts...gambling maybe....

[ummmm]

He went to watch the footie with his mates fgs....got drunk, fell asleep. It happens to loads of people...often!

[ummmm]

Again...gambling...so why is he putting money into his daughters account and not withdrawing it?

[EvianBaby]

Sorry if I have missed it somewhere but can someone confirm if the money has been withdrawn from the daughters account of if the balance is just building up?

[ummmm]

So, beside this issue, that has just been discovered, say the rest of the marriage is happy...would you still walk away?

[ummmm]

Smowball said in the thread yesterday that nothing had been withdrawn.

[DTCwordfan]

Smowball - whatever the outcome, I would strongly advise you to get your money out of the joint account and into yours asap.

You can always put it back if there is a satisfactory resolution.

Ditto anything valuable like jewellery - to a family member, friend or bank box.....again contingency.