How Would You React To This?

[dunnitall]

How would you react? Told this afternoon..... Only grandson phones to say...you are going to be great grandparents....hmmm.

He's 19 she is 23, he is out of work living with parents....no chance of a job....or I doubt it. Will have to reside with my daughter....in unsuitable 3 bed house....and no prospects of providing for family at the moment.

I like the idea of being g/grandparent...BUT not that he cannot provide for new family.....how would you deal with it, cope with news.... I am gutted for the immediate future, can only hope he gets a job, but where do they live, how does he hope to provide a home for his new family....?

[naomi24]

Looking on the bright side, as Pixie says, this could provide the motivation for him to get a job and provide for his little family. Sometimes things turn out quite differently to what we expect.

[China Doll]

If I was a great grandparent I think I would feel fairly removed from it all and not see it as particularly a problem I have to deal with. I would probably think it's a shame for my own child though but people have come out the other side of these things having done ok so not the end of the world.

[New Judge]

"...and they arent asking you to feed the child or change his nappies."

Quite so, PP. But it will be up to the taxpayer to support them. Personally I'd be furious that the silly sod and his girlfriend were so irresponsible as to create another mouth to feed when they can scarcely feed themselves and to impose even more on my daughter's hospitality.

People in this country need to shape up and stop having children that they cannot support. But they won't.

[ummmm]

NJ - dunnitall hasn't said whether the girlfriend works or not, just that his grandson doesn't.

[New Judge]

Even if she does, she is unlikely to be able to for much longer. It also seems unlikely that, should she return to work after the child is born, she will be in the sort of job which will enable her to keep all three of them (if she did they would probably have their own premises by now).

Sorry, but to conceive a child when there is no reasonable prospect of being able to set up a home is just plain irresponsible. And all too common.

[browntrout]

I sort of get the impression that the boy is not so much unemployed as unemployable. I wouldn't be happy.

[Caribeing]

Worse things could happen it's not a life threatening situation, things will work out the baby will be welcomed and looked after, might be the making of the couple!

[anneasquith]

well , timing may not be great, but im sure this baby will be cherished and loved when it arrives, its a better phone call to be receiving than lots of other news. congratulations dunnitall :)

[Dee Sa]

all part of life's rich pageantry dunitall, eleven years ago when my granddaughter age 18 announced she was pregnant and the father was a complete drop out [still is] I was horrified and offered to pay for a abortion she refused, I now have a sensible 11 year old great grandson who is a joy to have around who lives with his mother and is very grounded he even councils his father on the odd occasion he sees him. Things have a way of working themselves out, young people today have a different set of rules .

[Cloverjo]

Things will work themselves out. These things happen and usually nothing terrible occurs as a result. Enjoy the new arrival.

[ummmm]

I had my daughter at 18. I had a job, her dad had a job. Although the relationship didn't last we stayed friends for her. I went back to work part time and although things were tight we bought her up without assistance even though he was living in a different country...

We now have a happy, confident, witty, 21 year old, who loves her mom and step dad...and loves her dad and step mom.

She's also worked full time from the age of 16...

[dunnitall]

Have read all the different reactions, a lot of which have been mine. The girl doesn't work unfortunately, has been trying to get a job but I think she's been happier looking after her various younger siblings to really find paid work. Grandson gave up going to college when first starting out, I knew this was wrong but that's him, he has always applied for jobs though, give him his due. Then got on one of those government apprenticeships stayed nearly a year but gave up that. Has been looking for a job ever since (about 4 months I think) . Of course they aren't easy to find when you don't have a skill as such and too many people after them too, but hopefully something might turn up.

He and the girl have only been together about 7 months if that, so to us this latest news doesn't enamour us to their start together and as far as I can see their life until/if they get a place together is going to be them sleeping in a small box room, his bedroom now, together with the baby for as long as!

Course it's up to them I know that, for those who've said 'celebrate etc' but I think with them not having shown responsibility (they can't live with her mother apparently) then I do fear for their future together and for my daughter and son in law as both work and don't have a lot of money to play with (plus her health problem on top of it all). Life will never be perfect I know but when people don't make it easier for themselves or others then I find it difficult to have sympathy when it's self inflicted, sorry to sound hard.

[pixie373]

You don't need to sympathise, dunnitall. They have got themselves into this situation. There's nothing really you can do, but enjoy the little one.

[dunnitall]

True pixie and of course I will enjoy the new addition, how can one not lol. Just wish they aren't now going to be somewhat of a burden on my daughter and mostly the tax payer too which it it looks like! That gets to me as well and can totally agree with NJ about that one.

[gina32]

Just a thought but maybe contraception failed.

[B00]

The odds of the relationship lasting the course are slim, unfortunately, so possibly she'll need to be re-housed elsewhere with the baby thus easing the strain on your daughter's house.

[New Judge]

Quite, BOO, thus placing even more strain on the already creaking (heavily subsidised) social housing provision in the UK.

It's unusual for anybody to agree with my views on this sort of thing (I've been told I'm a little to the right of Atilla the Hun on such matters) and I'm surprised at dunnitall's concurrence (and grateful for the "Best Answer"). But this country will never thrive whilst there are people who behave as irresponsibly as this couple. Here we have two people who are currently not able to support themselves, living in a box room in one of their parents’ house, and they introduce another person to the world who will have to be supported in a similar fashion.

Of course the new arrival will be loved and well cared for, and I doubt anybody will suffer any great harm. But why do people get themselves into such a position, a position which will see them "in poverty" and from which they will struggle to escape for many years to come.?

[Cloverjo]

Can't they find a flat and claim housing benefit?
I was in a similar situation years ago, but wouldn't have dreamt of imposing myself and a baby on my or partner's parents.
Before anyone says I imposed on the state, I have been working and paying taxes for years, and so am paying it back.