Another Terrible Twos Dilemma

[MissCommando]

Hi All,

My daughter is 2 and a half and beginning to be very naughty again. She talks very, very well and understands everything. She goes mad if we talk about her \"Don\'t talk about me, talk about my cousin instead\" and she says things like \"Don\'t do that to my hair, it looks awful\" and then whilst walking into the other room \"You silly buggers\", which is really bad. She reminds me of a teenager though, answering back, refusing to do things, making excuses etc. My husband and I give her lots of chances but even when we tell her off and we ask \"Are you going to be good now?\", she says \"No, I want to be naughty!\". I\'ve tried tapping her on the hand, ignoring her, reasoning with her. Nothing seems to work! I\'ve not tried the \'naughty\' step yet, don\'t know if this is worth trying? She\'s even started to make a grunting noise if she doesn\'t get her own way. We\'re beginning to feel worn out by the naughtiness and the not wanting to be good! Argh. Any advice on how we could tame her greatly received. Thanks

[caththecrazy]

Where is she learning it from?

My 4 and 2 year old don't speak like that.

I use the naughty step with mine but they very rarely sit on purely because when I give them a warning they knwo they will end up sitting on it. I have boys maybe girls are different although can't say I've ever heard my friend's daughters talking like this

[MissCommando]

Well she has learnt the words "silly buggers" from her grandparents, they said it once and she hasn't forgotten it. I don't know where she has learnt the other things from, it's not something I encourage and I tell her "No, your hair doesn't look awful, it looks lovely", so god only knows where she's learnt them from. She is a fantastic talker (a lot of people think she is older than 2 and a half), you can have a proper conversation with her and she understands pretty much everything. She even used the words discovered and ideal in the right context today! I just think she seems to grown up for her age at times.
Caththecrazy - maybe girls are different, I wouldn't know. She is an only child which I think helps lots with her talking and learning. You're lucky your boys are so obedient!
Might give the naughty step a try tomorrow, no harm I suppose.

[caththecrazy]

There again it might be because both mine are quite placid - different temperments etc - might change later on though !!!

I thought maybe she'd learnt it at playgroup or something and was copying what she'd heard other children say - they aren't great mimics aren't they.

Maybe she's gifted?

I know my friend's daughter who is an only child and spends alot of time with her grandmother can talk the hind legs of a donkey and she was telling me how something was substanial yesterday and about sustaining. She's just 2. Her mum is getting her assessed.

Good luck - sure she'll grow out of it

[FoxLee2]

Why is a two year old setting her own boundaries? If you ASK a child to be good, why would they, it's much more fun to be naughty. When are you and your husband going to act like parents and lay down some rules? YOU tell her how you want her to behave, what the new rules are along the lines of - You do not speak like that to mummy and daddy, you listen when we tell you to do something, you do not use bad words etc. Tell her she will get one warning if she breaks any of the rules and if she does the bad behaviour again, she will have to sit on the naughty chair/stool/stair/mat etc. for 2 minutes. That way she will learn that bad behaviour means sitting on her own and not getting any attention from mummy and daddy. To counteract this you could have a reward system going so that good behaviour, helping you, picking up her toys, whatever you think appropriate for her age, gets a star, a flower whatever you think of and then when she's earned, say 10, then she gets a new toy or treat. Hopefully she will want to get rewards and you will see more of her good behaviour.

The thing is if you don't nip her bad behaviour in the bud now and get her respect, what will you do when she becomes a teenager. You'll have no chance.

[sherrardk]

It is difficult and tiring when you have got a child who is older than their years. However, I do think you need to decide between yourselves how you are going to deal with it and then stick to it. We have always stuck to the same rules with our children (one warning and then, if necessary, the naughty step) and to be fair to them they are generally well behaved - even though there are 5 of them (although the youngest are 18 month old twins and one of them is going to be big trouble!). You just have to decide what to do and stick to it - once she knows she won't get away with bad behaviour and that you both have the same limits she will soon get tired of playing you up.

PS - I always thought the naught step was a load of rubbish but it does really work if you stick to the 'rules' and do it consistently.