Childcare

[MissTerious2]

I'm really interested in other people's views on this.

https://news.sky.com/story/hunt-defends-speed-of-his-childcare-budget-giveaway-as-biggest-transformation-in-my-lifetime-12835085

I'm probably very old fashioned with my views!

[MissTerious2]

Our values were ,and still are, the same Bednobs. As I said, he would gladly have swapped places but his earning powers were better than mine. Our sons upbringing and welfare was our biggest priority. Mr T was a great Dad and took holidays to look after little T whilst I did computer courses away from home so I gained skills ready to go back to work.

[MissTerious2]

I have to give you best answer Jourdain.

[rowanwitch]

Back then the aspiration to own property was a very middle class thing, but there was a boom in the building of social housing including the new towns with affordable rents making it possible for just one parent to work. In addition people could find places to live in the areas they grew up, meaning there were family members available to help with childcare. Now the cost of buying a home almost always requires both parents to work full time, and they don't get on the property ladder until they are older, child bearing is therefore delayed until couples are established on their career path. Free childcare won't be an incentive to work for those in second or third generation benefit dependent single parent families.

[bednobs]

but you say "If a career is more important than bringing up your child yourself then don't have children" so maybe your values are different. on the face of it, you seem to be saying his career WAS more important to him than bringing up his child.
or is it just possible that you can be a great parent and raise great children even if someone else (your partner; a nursery) does the majority of day time childcare?

[choux]

Lottie, it may be we have similar ideas. I believe a parent should be present throughout a child's early years. Parents who delegate the responsibility of bringing up their children cannot be guaranteed of how that will be done to what I would hope to be a high standard. I am no longer surprised how some children behave.

It is probably an age thing, but my mother was ever present and we benefitted hugely. We never embarrassed our parents in any company and were taught good manners which, I believe, has stood us in good stead. We understood the value of money and had tasks to do to earn our modest pocket money. We realised that we could not have everything we saw and liked. Again this has taught us invaluable lessons. All of this and many more we attribute to our carefully guided upbringing. I fully expect most to disagree with me. I don't give a jot.

[barry1010]

Young, why would the feminists be after me? I didn't say the woman should stay at home.

[MissTerious2]

I very much agree with all you say choux. There has been a lot of research done on this with the result that children brought up in this way grow to be far more confident. My son has proved this to us in many ways. Will you consider your answer to be considered best along with that of Jourdain?

[jourdain2]

Thank you. It was a struggle to raise them - no holidays for 5 years until we bought an ancient trailer tent and then we went all over Gt. Britain. They were almost the only children in their class who knew British geography and lots of history. The others just got on a plane and went to somewhere sunny with a pool. We swam in a stream on Exmoor etc..

[MissTerious2]

Exactly the same for us Jourdain.

[MissTerious2]

Except we bought a really old caravan!

[pastafreak]

*Ideally*...parents would want to be with their children...I was because we did fine on Mr pastas salary. But things have changed enormously. Interest rates are high, housing costs are high. Do parents need to downsize in order to...ideallly...allow one to stay at home?
Various things stopped me returning to work as I wanted to after moving to the UK...the deaths of both my mum and sister in the same year took me out of part time work to start, the job I did in the States pre birth and emigrating no longer existing. Everything was still so damn foreign at that point. But it allowed me to enjoy my daughter's company for way longer than expected. But, it caused friction with my husband. Not because we needed my salary. Rather his feelings (shame, embarrassment...who knows?)that I wasn't one of those women in suits on the train every morning. He made me feel I wasn't pulling my weight. Go figure...

[MissTerious2]

I disagree Bednobs that I implied that. And I would never want my child to be partly bought up by nursery staff who i dont know and may have completely different values to my OH and myself and just got the job because they had an NVQ in childcare. No way!

[Deskdiary]

I'm going to pile in with being old-fashioned as well.

When our first child arrived, almost 20 years ago, we took the decision that we wanted a parent to raise her rather than palming her off to a bunch of strangers.

My wife had a good job which accounted for about 35% of the household income, so we had to cut our cloth accordingly, which included moving to a cheaper area. We went without holidays for years, down to one car, no extravagant meals out etc..., all things we had previously enjoyed. These may sound like first world problems, but when you're used to them, it's hard to give them up, but we felt it was worth the sacrifice, and without doubt it was.

[MissTerious2]

That's sad Pasta. I'm sure you were a great mum. He wasn't the right one for you.

[bednobs]

so it didnt apply to your husband, but DOES apply to all other adults who put children in nursery rather than stay at home?
when i made my post i put "majority" but 30 hours per week is in no way the majority of non-sleeping hours for a child

[MissTerious2]

Thanks for your input everbody.

[bednobs]

by the way, i think it's great for you that you made sacrifices and didnt use a nursery, and brought your child up the way you wanted - brilliant. shame you can't afford the same understanding to people who want to do things in a different way to you.
There is more than enough to feel guilty about as a parent without other people looking down on your choices and making them seem rubbish

[MissTerious2]

Bednobs, I wouldn't leave a 9month-2yr old in nursery for 30hrs a week. That's 30hrs too long with people I don't know and have no knowledge about out. He was happy and so were we when someone else cared for him on occasions but it was only good friends or my Mum who did that. I simply can't imagine how anybody can be happy to leave a baby in a nursery.

[Deskdiary]

Why would I need to afford the same understanding to other people?

[naomi24]

I couldn’t leave a baby at a nursery either, lottie.