Redressing The Balance

[Barmaid]

OK, so we are lightheartedly putting our other halves up for loan.

What do you think they would say about you?!!!!

I'll start.

Stroppy mare who can't be spoken to in the morning before essential caffeine and nicotine intake. Cooks well, gardens well, good with children and small animals. Does OK upstairs. Messy cow who treats car like skip and when she dyes her hair dyes the whole bathroom. Can parallel park if you don't talk to her. Don't mess with her in the kitchen, she's good with knives and we are running out of crockery. Finds things.

[shoota]

Only OK upstairs.....?

[boxtops]

you forgot the hen management, BM...

[Barmaid]

I didn't want to over egg the pudding Shoota!

[baza]

handsome suave, great to be with, bottomless wallet, fantastic driver, clean, housetrained and modest.

[Barmaid]

Yeah, OK, i forgot, manages felines, fowl and fellows!!!!!

[Barmaid]

ANd your number is, baza?!!!

[B00]

42 year old female of the species up for offer, quite grumpy in the mornings, then goes downhill as the day goes on. Is lazy if not prompted to self motivate herself to do "stuff".

Is an adventurous cook, though usually with disastrous results and will stoically proclaim the food offerings a success and will double dare you to say otherwise.

Obsessive about time keeping and will literally froth at the mouth if you are running a nanosecond late.

Will swap for the latest Lego kit or Kate Beckinsale.

[sunny-dave]

I'll stick with the H2G2 tag ...

"Mostly Harmless"

[baza]

^^^ 55590210

[askyourgran]

Doesn't talk much first thing in the morning, but revs up during the day after numerous cups of coffee. Gets a bee in her bonnet about cleaning and goes at it like a madwoman.
Throws a strop if footie/sport is on Tv all the time. Average cook, loves children, a softie even cries at adverts on tv.
One day will probably do some damage to MrAsk who always says 'but you only had it done last week' when I tell him I'm going to the hairdressers (every 5 -6 weeks).

[mrs_overall]

Early rising female who thinks that because she is up everyone else in the house should be up. Keeps the family on their toes with frequent (and often alarming) changes to hair colour. Excellent cook but a crap baker whose buns look like they were made by a 3 year old and then trampled on the ground. The worst car passenger in the world. Has a tendency to be economic with the truth over the age/cost of her clothes. Bemoans her size 10 feet and the fact she has to buy some shoes from a transvestite web site and then goes ballistic when they address the parcel to "Mr".

[paddywak]

Poor starter, especially on cold mornings though several cups of coffee soon see her running smoothly. Really good at multi-tasking being rapidly able to fill out a job list and then sit down drinking more coffee and supervising. Good cookery, shopping and management skills usually keeping in the black despite being unable to pass a shop without going in. All in all, despite these few faults an excellent model though would consider an exchange for Carol Vorderman or RachelWeisz

[ttfn]

Lordy, I hope my stalker doesn't see this thread ...

[vodkancoke]

35 year old female, an obsessive cleaner, ironer, and tidier (?). Good cook and baker, has a fiery Italian temprement, too kind for her own good, drives too fast, has a tendency to speak first/think later, has the worst luck with broken bones, has an obsession with shoes, handbags, things that sparkle and fast cars and also has a very unhealthy obsession with Russell Brand.


Yep, no wonder I'm single! :(

[EcclesCake]

I hope(?) Mr Cake is reading this and wants to trade me in short term for an obsessive cleaner.

He's quite accustomed to moody old bats which seems to open up the chances!

[shoota]

Russell Brand.....??????

[vodkancoke]

I know shoota, there is no hope for me at all. lol

[Bbbananas]

Sexy, but gone off actually doing it for a few years, or at least until on HRT. Skint but rich. Loving but wary. Wise but has been stupid. Loves Kids, her own in particular. One irresistible Mo'F****r - whatever that means. Incredibly cool, but not always in a good way.

[Bbbananas]

.... Loves Mrs Overall !!!!

[gness]

Sixty two year old female who is still waiting to grow up. Quite short with tiny feet and a tendency to dance around the house to Rod Stewart. Loves ironing and is a fantastic cook who refuses to cook because people only eat it. Anal about curtains. Loves gardening, wool, fabric and quizzes.....will kill to win.
Drives far too fast....talks to everybody including night time prowlers who get brought into the house for a talking to.....loves a challenge.
Cross her and she will get revenge......often many years later. Organises great funerals. Has absolutely no sense of direction but doesn't give a damn whether the toilet seat is put back down.
Has own axe.